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    Remembering Rebbetzin Miriam Libby Weiss, Zt”l, Zy”a, – Part One

    As I mourn the passing of my dear Rebbetzin and life-mate, Miriam Libby, my mind
    wanders down memory lane to all of the wonderful experiences we had together. The posuk
    says “V’hachai yitein el libo – [When someone passes] the living should take it to heart.” This
    means that it is greatly beneficial to reflect upon the good character and good deeds of a
    righteous deceased. For, by learning from their behavior, not only do we better ourselves, we
    also bring an aliya, a spiritual boost, to the soul of the deceased. Much has been said about how
    my beloved wife had the crown of the good name and that she was a unique chesed personality,
    and that everyone was her best friend. But, I think one of the greatest lessons we can learn from
    her exemplary life is the way she put me, her husband, first.

    In seminary classes that I teach, I tell the girls that Rav Pam, Zt”l, Zy”a, would say that
    the reason why the bride walks around the groom seven times under the chupah is to say that
    from then on he is the center of her universe. My dear wife lived up to this lofty mission. Many
    a chesed personality falls into the trap of getting wrapped up in their exciting chesed pursuits and
    neglects their spouse and their children. My Rebbetzin was skillful at never falling into this
    pitfall even though the accolades and the communal applause are not garnered for what is done
    behind closed doors. She knew her priorities.

    The Gemora tells us in Masechtas Sukkah that at the Simchas Beis HaShoevah, the water
    drawing festival in the Temple, great sages would juggle eight cups of wine or eight sharp
    knives. It begs the question: Since when do our venerable Torah sages do circus acts in front of
    the masses? But the demonstration was to depict that one has to juggle all of one’s priorities
    correctly to succeed in life. To my Rebbetzin, it was crystal clear that charity starts at home. So
    before I regale you (in future articles) with amazing stories of how she helped others, and was
    there for the down trodden and the sick, the elderly and the lonely, let me share with you for our
    personal betterment little tidbits of how she was a wonderful wife.

    She used to tell our married children, when you go shopping make sure at the top of your
    list is what your spouse wants so that you’re sure not to forget it.

    I’m not sure if it was up to her she would have taken a Shabbos afternoon nap. She had
    such a zest for life that she wouldn’t have wanted to miss a second of Shabbos afternoon. But,
    since I took a nap, she took a nap with me.

    She was by nature a morning person but since I had late night shiurim and many times
    did not eat supper until after midnight, she became a night person.

    She didn’t need vacations. But she knew that I did, and that it was healthy for us to
    spend time alone, so she, with excitement,went on yearly vacations with me. How I treasure our
    trips to Rhode Island, Washington D.C., and our getaways to Manhattan where we would mainly
    enjoy each others company and put the rest of the world on hold. So too, in order to strengthen
    our bond we would eat out often at coffee shops etc.

    She was not a country person but she adapted to bungalow life and learned to love it.

    She had the simplicity of a Lower East Sider but learned to adapt to the trappings of a
    Rebbetzin, for my sake.

    She hardly ever complained. During her long and painful illness she never once asked
    why me!! She never nagged except when it was to galvanize me to do a mitzvah for others, and
    almost never criticized.

    When I would thank her for loving me she would tell me sincerely that I’m easy to love.
    When I would thank her for marrying me she would insist that she got the better deal. Often
    when I came home she would let me know how happy she was to have me home!

    When I would worry about a pain or an ache she would quickly reassure me
    remembering the last time I had such a pain and telling me not to worry I had the same thing
    before and it went away.

    When I would exercise playing tennis or paddle ball she would encourage me to go even
    at the expense of her getting out. When she would meet my ball playing partners instead of
    feeling jealous that they took me away from her she would thank them for helping her husband
    relax!
    I remember early on in our marriage she kept on thanking me. I told her it’s not necessary
    to thank me all the time but she told me her mother Mrs. Devora Gelbtuch a”h insisted that she
    always thank her husband and she always did.

    Her mother also told her that your husband shouldn’t take out the garbage and until she
    got sick she would never let me take out the trash. When she got ill I had to ask the people on the
    block what day the pickups were as I had no idea.

    I remember, more than once, that she gave a suggestion or piece of advice to the children,
    afterwards they would pose me the same question . If I answered differently she would
    immediately say to them forget about what I said listen to Totty.

    A profound mark of her love was the way she would say during these last two years of
    terrible cancer pain, “Moish better me than you or the children. She would declare this over and
    over again!

    When describing the woman of valor, Shlomo HaMelech says, “Kamu boneha
    vayash’ruha; balah vayihalilah – Her children get up and sing about her; her husband lauds her
    attributes.” The obvious question is, of course they do! It’s their mother, it’s his wife!
    Wouldn’t it mean more to say that strangers applaud her!? But Shlomo HaMelech knew the
    truth. It’s easy to be a saint when you’re outside of the home amongst strangers. It’s much
    harder when you’re behind closed doors. But, Miriam Libby excelled at putting her family first.

    May we merit to emulate this exemplary behavior and in that merit may we be granted
    the presence of the Shechina that we are promised in the well-known adage, “Ish v’isha shalom
    beneihem, Shechina shruya beneihem – A husband and a wife, when there is peace between

    them, there is the Divine Presence dwells with them,” and there is no bigger accomplishment
    than that.
    [To be continued.]

    Please learn, give tzedaka, and daven l’iluy nishmas Miriam Liba bas Aharon.

    Sheldon Zeitlin takes dictation of, and edits, Rabbi Weiss’s articles.
    Start the cycle of Mishna Yomis with Rabbi Weiss by dialing 718.906.6471. Or you can listen to
    his daily Shiur on Orchos Chaim l’HaRosh by dialing 718.906.6400, then going to selection 4 for
    Mussar, and then to selection 4. Both are FREE services.
    Rabbi Weiss is currently stepping up his speaking engagements. To bring him to your
    community, call 718.916.3100 or email RMMWSI@aol.com.
    To receive a weekly cassette tape or CD directly from Rabbi Weiss, please send a check to Rabbi
    Moshe Meir Weiss, P.O. Box 140726, Staten Island, NY 10314 or contact him at
    RMMWSI@aol.com.
    Now back in print is a large size paperback edition of Power Bentching. To order call him at
    718-916- 3100 or email at above.
    Attend Rabbi Weiss’s weekly shiur at the Landau Shul, Avenue L and East 9 th in Flatbush,
    Tuesday nights at 9:30 p.m.
    Rabbi Weiss’s Daf Yomi and Mishnah Yomis shiurim can be heard LIVE on KolHaloshon at
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