27 Jul SPEAK YOUR VUES

SPEAK YOUR VUES WITH THE VUES MASTER

Please note that the author of Speak Your Vues is in no way affiliated with the publisher of this paper. The author of this column is an independent third party contributor. The views and opinions expressed by this author may not reflect the views and opinions of the publishers. If one has any issues with any of the views, please write a letter to the Vues Master.

 

DONATION

Dear Vues Master:

“I don’t know but a guy came to me for help with his shul building a Mikvah so I brought him a cup of water and told him here is your first donation.” That’s a joke that works for swimming pools, but not for mikvaot as the water having been in a cup disqualifies it. Rather change the joke to “So I threw a snowball at him and said “here’s your first donation.”

MM

Vues Master’s Note: Maybe you can start up a joke gemach.

 

MARIJUANA

Dear Vues Master: People should be allowed to ingest marijuana if they want to. It’s their body and their choice. What they should not be allowed to do is smoke it or any other substance and impose it on others who breathe the same air.

NS

Vues Master’s Note: Last I checked Marijuana does not smell too good only those that smoke it like it. If you ask a smoker if he likes the smell of cigarettes he might say that he does. I think both are harmful and one should stay away from anything that is addictive. Including reading letters to The Vues Master!

 

NEW ORCHIDEA RESTAURANT

Dear Vues Master:

Two weeks ago, someone wrote in the Speak Your Vues section of the Jewish Vues that there was a new restaurant on 18th Avenue that opened up called Orchidea Pork. It’s Orchidea Park, not Pork. Please inform your readers that Orchidea restaurant on 12th avenue recently opened a new restaurant at the old Bagels & Greens location and it has a certified hechsher. The sign is a little misleading but it is 100% kosher. Thank you!

Vues Master’s Note: Thank you for clarifying! We advise all our readers to check all hechserim when going into any restaurant.

 

GREAT ADVICE

Dear Vues Master:

I Love this Japanese Doctor *Q*: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? *A*: Heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste time on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; its like saying you extend life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. *Q*: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? *A*: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottoms up! *Q*: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? *A*: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good! *Q*: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? *A*: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad? *Q*: Is chocolate bad for me? *A*: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! *Q*: Is swimming good for your figure? *A*: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me. *Q*: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? *A*: Hey! ‘Round’ is also a shape! Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: Finally the Japanese Doctor summed up: Look mister, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Beer in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOOHOO, what a ride my life was”!!!!! Eat whatever you like because you will still DIE, don’t allow motivational speakers deceive you. 1. The inventor of the treadmill had died at the age of 54 2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57 3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41 4. The best footballer in the world Maradona, died at the age of 60. BUT 5. The KFC inventor died at 94. 6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88 7. Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102 8. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake 9. Hennessey inventor dies at 98. How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life? The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years. So, Take some rest, Chill, Stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life. Yes, you will still die one day. But you’ll die a happy person

AH

Master’s Note: I think this Doctor is making a grave mistake. It is a dead issue.

 

MEANING OF GENOCIDE

Dear Vues Master:

A new poll claims that 22% of American Jews believe “Israel is committing genocide against the Palestinians.” That would be alarming—if they actually know what genocide is. But do they? There is reason to suspect that as the word has become common place in public discourse, its meaning has been diluted and compromised. The unexpected ways in which the term “genocide” often is used today suggest it is no longer necessarily understood the way its originator intended. The word “genocide” was coined by the legal scholar Raphael Lemkin in 1944. Lemkin was haunted by the failure of the international community to act against Turkish officials involved in the slaughter of more than one million Armenians in 1914-1918. He believed that to galvanize a more effective response to future atrocities, a new word was needed to label such a unique type of crime. Lemkin took his inspiration from George Eastman, who invented the word “Kodak” because he needed a short, unique, and easy-to-pronounce name for his camera. Lemkin’s efforts to popularize the term “genocide” were crowned with success in December 1948, when the United Nations adopted its Genocide Convention, an international treaty criminalizing genocide. It defines genocide as “acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical [sic], racial or religious group, as such.” Over the years, pundits and even some scholars have occasionally used the term “genocide” rather loosely, as if it’s interchangeable with “war crimes” or “ethnic cleansing.” It’s not. For example, the war crimes committed by the Syrian government, such as its use of chemical weapons against its civilian opponents, do not constitute an attempt to destroy a particular national, ethnic, racial or religious group. This fact does not make those crimes any less heinous, or any less worthy of a forceful international response. But that is not what Lemkin intended the word “genocide” to mean. U.S. government officials have made matters worse by sometimes refusing, for political reasons, to apply the genocide label when they should. Recall the almost comic lengths to which some leaders went to avoid acknowledging the Armenian genocide, as when President Barack Obama invoked the Armenian term for the slaughter, “Meds Yeghern,” but would not say it in English. (President Joe Biden finally acknowledged it earlier this year.) As the genocide in Rwanda unfolded in 1994, Clinton administration officials debated how best to respond. Susan Rice, who was director of African Affairs for the National Security Council, argued against calling it “genocide” on the grounds that, as she put it, “If we use the word ‘genocide’ and are seen as doing nothing, what will be the effect on the November [congressional] elections?” In the spring of 2003, human rights groups began using the term “genocide” to characterize the mass slaughter of non-Arab blacks in Darfur by Sudanese government-sponsored Arab militias. It took the George W. Bush administration until September 2004 to publicly concur. According to the New York Times, the 16-month delay was due in part to the fact that the administration was “concerned that threats and punishments against Sudan would antagonize the Arab world.” Consider, too, how the word has been distorted in recent popular discourse. Anti-abortion activists frequently cry “genocide.” Ben Crump, the attorney in some of the recent police shooting cases, is the author of a book called “Open Season: Legalized Genocide of Colored People.” Oklahoma Native American activist Casey Camp Horinek says pollution of wells in her tribe’s territory is “environmental genocide.” Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-Fla) recently claimed America is threatened by “cultural genocide,” while his colleague Rob Bishop (R-Ut) has charged that “the ideas behind the Green New Deal are tantamount to genocide.” And a Minnesota professor has claimed that black-on-black shootings constitute “genocide from within.” This freewheeling use of the term “genocide” in situations that do not meet the definition undermines the public’s understanding of what the term really means. It would not be surprising if the word has become little more than a casual synonym for injustice in the minds of a part of the public. The younger generation is particularly susceptible to such rhetorical excesses. Social media have been flooded in recent weeks by wild anti-Israel accusations from cultural celebrities, including the invocation of “genocide” by Roger Waters of the rock group Pink Floyd, social media star Mia Khalifa, and the actor Mark Ruffalo (although he later backpedaled). Others, including popular singer Dua Lipa and Canadian musician The Weekend, used the only slightly less incendiary term “ethnic cleansing.” Impressionable young people pay attention to what their cultural icons are saying. It may not be a coincidence that in the new poll about Israel, the percentage of respondents who were aged 18 to 34 was 24%—almost identical to the number who said Israel is guilty of genocide. Ultimately, then, the problem with the poll may be that the “genocide” question assumed that all the respondents understand what “genocide” means. Imagine if, instead, the question had briefly explained what it was talking about—something like: “Genocide means ‘acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic racial or religious group’—do you think Israel is doing that to the Palestinians?” It is highly unlikely that 22% of American Jews would have answered “yes” to such an obviously false allegation. Even many of those who are not well educated on the subject understand that “destroying” means wiping out, or at least significantly reducing, the targeted population, while the Palestinian Arab population has increased dramatically since Israel’s creation in 1948. It may well be that a small number of American Jews are becoming more extreme in their criticism of Israel. But a casual embrace of poorly-understood language is not necessarily evidence of a serious trend in Jewish public opinion.

RM

Vues Master’s Note: Look obviously they don’t know what genocide is they are holocause deniers!

STRANGERS

Dear Vues Master:

An Am HaAretz who became wealthy bought himself

הרות†ןתח†on הרות†תחמש. One of the םיללפתמ†commented to the בר†that such an ץראה†םע†shouldn’t be permitted to buy הרות†ןתח. “What can I do?” the בר†replied. “¨לארשיב†גהנמ†ךכ

הלכה†תא†ריכמ†וניא†ןתחהש†.”

MB

Vues Master’s Note: I wonder how many people will get this joke at first glance. Practically the metziyus is that people know their kallah.

SHALOM BAYIS

Dear Vues Master:

Shmuel confided to his friend that he was going to have it out with his wife about all the things she did wrong. The next day, his friend asked how it worked out. “She came crawling to me on hands and knees, Shmuel responded. “Really?” his friend asked, “what did she say?” “She said come out from under the bed you coward.”

BM

Vues Master’s Note: He would probably be safer in the dog house!

DE”FEET”ED

Dear Vues Master:

A םכח†דימלת†went a long distance by foot to visit his יבר. When he arrived, tired and sweaty, the יבר†thanked him for coming but asked why he walked so far, instead of getting a ride. The םכח†דימלת†replied: “Didn’t ל״זח†say

לגרב†ובר†ינפ†ליבקהל†םדא†בייח?”

NB

Vues Master’s Note: Ask me if this story is true and I will tell you my foot it is not true!

TURN COAT

Dear Vues Master:

I would like to share a quote I read on Keyhero.com: “In life, many things are uncertain. We don’t know what will be tomorrow, and we barely know what is happening today. But there is one thing we do know. The moment Trader Joe’s turns on us, we will begin referring to it as Traitor Joe’s”

TG

Vues Master’s Note: My Mommy always taught me that cheaters never prosper.

BEIN HAZMANIM

Dear Vues Master:

What the Chelemer Rav* thought of Bein Hazmanim **”Also, the Bachurim waste most days during Bein Hazmanim. walking the streets & wasting time going on trips.”

בור†ןילטבמ†םירוחבה†םג

םיכלוהו†םינמזה†ןיבב†םימיה

םילויטו†םילוטיבב†תובוחרב

*The א”שרהמ†was Rav in Chelm – Some claim for nine years

MF

Vues Master’s Note: Oh c’mon give these boys a break. They learn so well the entire year!

CHASIDIM

Dear Vues Master:

I saw the following story online: A lot of people have questioned my story based on their ties to the Hasidic community, and they need to stop taking it so personally. It’s one person’s story. It’s my personal account, and they should believe it. Not everyone’s experiences have to match. I was born in a very Hasidic community. These were very strict Hasids, so if you know Hasidic people who seem different, it’s probably because the ones you know are less strict. The men wore all black and white. Any color was forbidden, so they all wore grey contact lenses. The women had to wear skirts that brushed the floor. The part that really bothered me was that women weren’t allowed to drive cars, so we had to fly everywhere by helicopter or find a man to drive us. The helicopters were so noisy. Anyway, when I was fifteen I first started to question this way of life, and the teachers at school never allowed me to ask the questions in class. I would raise my hand and ask “If G-d wanted us to wear clothing, why did He create us without it?” and the teachers were always so dismissive, saying excuses like “This is not the time,” or “That question is not appropriate” or “Please, Frimmale, this is math class.” Once I saw a poster of a dragon and asked a teacher what it was. The teacher told me dragons were a mythical creature that was made up. That I can’t blame her for because I know she thought it was true. But just five days later, I was walking down the street when I was snatched by a large orange dragon. At first I was scared, but then the dragon started telling me the true statistics, which show that infinitely more people are hurt each year by cars and helicopters than by dragons. This was my first taste of higher education. Since I was less scared at that point, I asked the dragon why she was taking me away. She told me that she sensed I was special and perfect, just like a princess should be, and that even though I was technically not a princess she would crown me one. It’s a myth that dragons eat princesses. They take them on world tours to be photographed with them. As I traveled the world with Topaz, as I learned she was called, I saw that there is so much more to the world than the Hasidic community. I learned that there are places where the women drive cars and that there are men who fly helicopters. I met boys with blue eyes. I visited a hidden island in the middle of the ocean and learned that mermaids are real too. Then Topaz told me that our world tour had to be over. She took out her time travel crystal and sent me back to where she took me from. She told me this was dragon law and that she might return in fifty years. I don’t think she understood what that meant for me because dragons live forever and keep circling back to the beginning of time, traveling from planet to planet. It was a rough adjustment for me as a newly enlightened young women going back to live with the Hasids, who I wouldn’t call primitive but definitely uninformed about dragon culture. I fantasized about turning into a dragon and being able to fly wherever I wanted. I didn’t want to marry a young Hasid and have ten children every year. I didn’t want to wear skirts I could trip over, or any skirts at all for that matter. When I was sixteen, I realized I could use pixie magic to do things that the rules didn’t forbid because they knew nothing of them. But the magic didn’t work the way I had intended. I was a teenager and didn’t understand my own desires. And the truth was that I did want to start a family of my own, my own way. So the magic brought about a different change: it paired me up with a like-minded boy. So I married that boy. And in the beginning I forgot all about magic and dragons and higher education. But then reality set in. Day after day, I was expected to do all of the cooking and housework, and then it was my fault when the house kept burning down because the bonfire ignited all the cleaning products. But the marriage counseling in our community didn’t understand. Marriage is part of Hasidic life, but I had to choose between Hasidic life and our marriage. So I told Shmuli everything. I told him that I would do anything for us. Then to his credit, he listened. He rose up into the air and spun around in a circle of golden sparkles. When he descended, he was wearing jeans and a T-shirt and his hair was gelled. He was Sam, a college graduate who preferred to order takeout rather cook or have someone cook for him. Soon after that , we had our twins. I explained to Samuel that I needed to go off and seek self-actualization, and he understood. So I left for a few years to become a neuroscientist and bikini model. I had to make up for lost time by multitasking and modeling bikinis in the lab, but within a year I had my PHD and the cover of seven different fashiona magazines. I also ran for president of several different small countries and won. Now I am teaching my twins all about the outside world that I missed growing up. This is my story of how the Hasidic community was holding me back until I escaped. If it doesn’t match your experiences, that doesn’t make my personal story any less true. People always deny my story and deny my trauma, but it’s not their story to deny.

SF

Vues Master’s Note: I’ll give you credit that your satire is funny. In the environment we live in I am sure that there are people taking you seriously! It is sad that we are in a generation who is looking to abdicate responsibility!

CHOLENT

Dear Vues Master:

There was a woman who prepared a plain, simple cholent every Friday. Her husband would secretly add spices and other ingredients to give it the flavor he liked. One תבש, a guest complimented the woman on the fantastic cholent and asked her how she got it to taste so good. Beaming, she said “I always say a small tefilla when preparing the cholent.” Her husband chimed in and said “Yes, with her תוליפת†and my

םיבוט†םישעמ, it comes out great.”

MV

Vues Master’s Note: What type of tefilos did she say? This husband was the chef?

SUICIDE

Dear Vues Master:

Trigger Warning: The topic of this letter is suicide. Here is a list of some things not to say to a person who struggles with suicidal ideation: 1. “You’re being selfish.” People who struggle with suicidal depression already feel bad about themselves. They don’t need to be berated further. Framing suicide as “selfish” actually implies that it is desirable. Suicidal people are suicidal because they are in pain. It is not selfish to want to escape pain. 2. “The national suicide hotline number is 800-273-8255” (and nothing else). There is nothing wrong with sharing the hotline number. The hotline can help prevent people who are about to commit suicide from following through. However, if someone confides in you and is seeking emotional support, shoving the number at them and refusing to engage in conversation will feel like a personal rejection. Show your friend that you are there for them and not just passing the buck. 3. “Seek professional help.” It is indeed very important to seek care. However, mental healthcare is not magic. Many people who are struggling with suicidal ideation have already been in treatment for years. It can be a lifelong struggle. If you have reason to believe that your friend is not already in touch with a mental healthcare provider, you can gently broach the subject. But simply telling them to “get help” implies that you won’t respect them as long as they’re struggling. 4. “Don’t talk to me, I’m not a mental health professional.” If you are indeed not a mental health professional, this is most likely common knowledge. You don’t have to be a therapist to provide emotional support. Be a friend. This is not to say that you should not set boundaries; if you feel that your suicidal friend is using you as a therapist, that would be the time to redirect them to a real therapist. But your friend should be able to share their struggles with suicidal ideation, the same way friends talk about other personal issues, without being made to feel like it is taboo. 5. “Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.” Not all problems are temporary. This saying also suggests that suicide is a solution and implies that someone whose problem is permanent should commit suicide, chas v’shalom. Accept the possibility that for your friend, staying alive might mean committing to a lifelong battle. Respect the struggle and appreciate the strength it takes to live with it. 6. “Things could be worse.” If your friend is suicidal, that is because things are already bad enough to make them suicidal. The fact that worse things are possible won’t make them feel better, and in fact, they may chas v’shalom hear it as “quit while you’re ahead.”

ND

Vues Master’s Note: Hashem should guide us well and protect us!

CHOF K

Dear Vues Master:

Although Ben and Jerry’s and it’s parent company Unilever announced that they will not be leaving Israel, the Kof –K is quite concerned about Ben & Jerry’s decision not to sell to Yehuda ad Shomron as of January 1,2023. Unilever has commited that the company will adhere to their contract. The Kof-K has been in contact with the Israeli Government and the Yesha Council to determine the most effective way to respond. Based on the advixe of the Yesha councilthe Kof-K will continue to fulfill its contractual obligations to Ben & Jerry’s while using its influence to make sure that this anti-Israel policy never becomes implemented. The Kof=K has expressed to Unilever & Ben and Jerry’s CEOs the negative repercussions of this policy. We encourage everyone to advocate on behalf of Israel. Please address your concerns about this policy directly to Unilever and Ben & Jerry’s. This is a highly volatile situation and the Kof-K remains in contact with the Israeli Government and the Yesha Council as the most prudent way to make sure the policy never becomes implemented.

CK

Vues Master’s Note: In other words stand up for Israel so long as it does not hit you in the pocket because after all money is the main thing!

HEIGHT

Dear Vues Master:

On the morning of הבר†הנעשוה, a young man approached the יבר†ראמטאס†and asked that he pray for him. When asked why he needs the תוליפת†of the יבר, the young man said: “As you can see, I’m really short and it’s hard for me to find a ךודיש.” The יבר†then asked him at which point in the הליפת†would he like the יבר†to pray for him. He answered: “When the יבר†gets to

ךלדג†ןעמל†אנעשוה.” Smiling, the יבר†blessed him from the bottom of his heart.

BN

Vues Master’s Note: I would think the Rabbi gave him a short bracha. In Short time he should find a shidduch. I guess this joke can grow on me