31 Aug Speak Your Vues

SPEAK YOUR VUES WITH THE VUES MASTER

Please note that the author of Speak Your Vues is in no way affiliated with the publisher of this paper. The author of this column is an independent third party contributor. The views and opinions expressed by this author may not reflect the views and opinions of the publishers. If one has any issues with any of the views, please write a letter to the Vues Master.

 

HAPPY TIMES

Dear Vues Master:

A ליצן†was asked why is הסוכות

חג†called זמן†שמחתינו†? He answered:

“Because women are

”.פטורות†מסוכה

HP

Vues Master’s Note: That is

funny! In our family it works the

other way Bubby always brings

us stuff she never comes empty

handed!

VISITING

Dear Vues Master:

Molly’s grandson was coming to

visit her in her new condo in Florida.

She gave him the address and

directions to her unit. “When you

get to the front door of the building,

you will see a panel of buttons,”

she said. “With your elbow,

push 1912. I will buzz you in. The

elevator is on the right. With your

elbow, press 19. When you get

out, my unit is on the left. With

your elbow, press my doorbell.”

Her grandson responded: “I wrote

it all down, grandma. But why do

I need to hit all the buttons with

my elbow?” “You’re not coming

empty-handed?” she said.

TM

Vues Master’s Note: That is funny!

In our family it works the

other way Bubby always brings

us stuff she never comes empty

handed!

MITZVAH TO BECOME

RICH

Dear Vues Master:

There is a מחלוקת†ראשונים†if the

איסור†of leaving the wife during

the first year after marriage is applicable

only when leaving her to

join the army or even for other

reasons one may not leave her

alone for the first year. The Shu”t

Chasam Sofer (EH 2 155) writes

that even according to the חינוך

who holds that one may not leave

his wife even for other reasons

than joining the army will admit

that if he leaves her for a Mitzvah

then he may do so. Therefore

one may leave his wife behind

even the first year after marriage

to go out and earn a living being

it’s a Mitzvah. The Chasam

Sofer concludes that בזמן†הזה†not

only earning a living is a Mitzvah

but accumulating wealth is also

a Mitzvah as mentioned in Shulchan

Aruch (Rema O.Ch.248:4)

יהי†רצון†we should all be זוכה†to

be מקיים†this Mitzvah among all

other Mitzvos with all the הידורים

and amass lots & lots of wealth

אכיה”ר

MF

Vues Master’s Note: I bet you

most of us would love to be mekayem

this mitzvah. If you will be

mekayim it when people will say

he is rich in Torah!

SLEEP OR PRAY

Dear Vues Master:

After 120 years, a Rabbi stands at the gates of Heaven waiting his turn to enter. To his surprise, he sees an Egged bus driver arrive, being treated with great honor and immediately being ushered into Heaven. “Why did the bus driver get priority?” he asked. “When you were giving sermons,” he was told, “you put everyone to sleep. When he was driving, he got everyone to pray.”

MB

Master’s Note: These type of jokes drive me crazy! I guess I should sleep on it and come up with a funny rebuttal!

GRAMMAR

Dear Vues Master:

Correcting people’s grammar, speaking and word usage does not make you more intelligent, educated or moral. Unless you work as an editor, it just makes you a pedantic jerk. Also, much of what is commonly criticized as incorrect grammar is actually just a different (nonstandard) dialect or newer usage (linguistic evolution) that hasn’t yet made it to the dictionary. Holding nonstandard dialects to be incorrect is linked to bigotry; people who consider the “standard” dialect to be the correct one often believe it to be the case because they consider the speakers of the standard dialect, particularly the wealthy social classes, to be superior people. It is similar to the belief that there is a “correct” skin color or gender. It is also just plain nonsensical. If speakers of other dialects are speaking incorrectly, what do you say to people who speak other languages? In fact, maybe English speakers are just speaking Latin incorrectly (to an extreme degree, combining it with other languages until there’s almost nothing left). If a person uses language that is confusing or difficult for you to understand, you can ask them to clarify. (Singular they/them pronouns have become standard, by the way.) But nobody, not even Noah Webster’s ghost, has the moral authority to enforce arbitrary grammatical rules, especially in a free country.

FG

Vues Master’s Note: I will tell that to my Grandma who always said I don’t speak English good! I think Grammar is a Bubba Maiseh!

APPEARENCE

Dear Vues Master:

It is said that the א״מר†appeared before the Governor of his region beautifully dressed, in the finest clothing. Upon his return, one of his students remarked: “יבר, it is written in ילשמ:

ךלמה†ינפל†רדהתת†and the ארמג†says

לארשיל†ןתוינע†האי. Why did you get so dressed up?” The א״מר†responded: “It’s as you said. When I went to see the Governor, I did not want ךלמה†ינפל†רדהתהל, so I removed the

לארשי†ראפ, which is אתוינע†and switched to finer clothing.”

BM

Vues Master’s Note: Clothing does not make the man! Otherwise I would be dressed to success!

DIN VECHESHBON

Dear Vues Master:

The ׳היח†שפנ׳†spoke of the רוסיא†of carrying outside of the בוריע†on תבש. “Those who transgress this,” he said, “will in the future also have to give ןובשחו†ןיד†for not being

שארב†רפוש†תעיקת†םייקמ

תבשב†לחש†הנשה, as well as for failing to do

תבשב†לחש†בלול†תליטנ.” Seeing the surprised look of the להק, he explained: “The םימכח†banned the תווצמ†of רפוש†and בלול†on תבש†as a הריזג†so that people not carry

םיברה†תושרב†תומא†׳ד†on תבש, but those who don’t abide by the רוסיא†of carrying on תבש†have no reason for failing to perform the תווצמ†of רפוש†and בלול†on תבש. Therefore, when the time comes to give

ןובשחו†ןיד, they will have to do so for these as well.

NB

Vues Master’s Note: It is a mitzvah to internalize this letter! You should definitely not carry this letter on Shabbos!

REPETITION

Dear Vues Master:

I am already aware that not everything on the left is communism and not everything on the right is communism. I don’t have to be reminded every single week! (Same goes for Demeter Fragrances’ cannabis scented perfume.) Once is enough.

RW

Vues Master’s Note: I was worried we won’t be able to remind everyone about communism and Cannabis. Thanks! For reminding us!

YEAR

Dear Vues Master:

The ה”רת†הוצמ†קיש†ם”רהמ†writes, Those years where the following year will be a

תרבועמ†הנש†(leap year), The רפוס†םתח†would be אצוי†the Mitzvah of

קלמע†תייחמ†תריכז†twice. The second time when they leined the Parshas Hashavua ofאצת†יכ†. The reason was, according to the Gemoro people forget after 12 months. Therefore we have רוכז†תשרפ†once a year, not to be רבוע†the ואל†of “חכשת†אל”. So as not to have from one רוכז†תשרפ†to the following one, more than 12 months, the ס”תח†made sure (in a leap year) to have הנווכ†to be אצוי†the Mitzvah at the האירק†of the Parshas אצת†יכ†and again on רוכז†תשרפ. It is interesting, in the תובושת†(E.H. 1: 119) The Chasam Sofer writes that “In a leap year Hashem changes the human nature and it takes 13 months to forget instead of 12 months.

FM

Vues Master’s Note: It has been a year since this was brought up and I did not forget! Chazara is the ikkar!

GROOMING THE GROOM

Dear Vues Master:

On הרות†תחמש†in ראמטאס, a wealthy man who was a boor and ץראה†םע†bought הרות†ןתח. When he was called up for the הילע, the יבר†rose to see who got the honor. Seeing the man who bought the הילע, the יבר†said with a smile: “He is a worthy ןתח. He doesn’t see the הלכ†the entire year.”

NH

Vues Master’s Note: As long as the groom or bride are not under agae as per NY law. What a craziness you can marry your dog but you just need to be the right age! Reminds me of S’dom.

SLEEPY JOE

Dear Vues Master:

Axios reports that the Biden administration is considering launching airstrikes on equipment left behind by US troops in Afghanistan. But don’t worry, by the time sleepy Joe decides what he’s doing it won’t make a difference anymore.

AMB

Vues Master’s Note: Do you think Biden will sleep through his impeachment trial?

RICH AND THE POOR

Dear Vues Master:

When the poor see the great wealth of םירישע, they say

םהב†שמתשהל†תושר†ונל†ןיא

דבלב†םתוארל†אלא. And the wealthy sing:

יתעושי†רוצ†תועמ.’

BK

Vues Master’s Note: As they say the rich get richer but the poor have children!

CHOL HAMOED

Dear Vues Master:

R. Akiva Eiger zt”l has a היאר†(proof) from

הברה†תוצמ†ה”ד†י”שר†that one is obligated to wear ןיליפת†on דעומה†לוח. The אמק†אנתholds if one has many Mitzvos to perform, (at the same time) he should make one single Bracha

“תוצמה†לע” י”שר†gives an example of how one would have many Mitzvos at the same time, for instance,

“תיציצ†ןיליפת†הכוס†בלול” (This can happen only on

תוכוס†מ”הוח) R. Shmuel Birenbaum zt”l (son in law of R. Akiva Eiger zt”l.) writes, when he came the first time to his Shver on Chol Hamoed Pesach. His Shver insisted, he put on ןיליפת**, even though, his family came from a Chasidic background and didn’t wear ןיליפת†on דעומה†לוח. R.A.E. claimed that in Germany & most of the European continent it was accepted to follow השמ†תרות, the א”מר, in all his םיקספ, wherever he argues on the ףסוי†תיב. *Oc”h 31:2 **from then on he wore Tefillin on Chol Hamoed , with no Bracha and made a יאנת

JU

Vues Master’s Note: I guess he was strapped and had no choice but to tie tefillin!

GUILT

Dear Vues Master:

Many reduced calorie products are labeled or advertised as “guilt free.” This is considered perfectly normal, but it’s actually disturbing. Calling the food “guilt free” implies that a person should feel guilty about eating other foods. Feeling guilty about eating is not healthy and is a common symptom of eating disorders, a pervasive problem in our community and in the general world. By trivializing the warning signs, we make it that much harder to prevent eating disorders from becoming serious. (It’s also a questionable marketing decision. Many “guilt free” products are sold by the same companies that sell “guilty” products.) It’s time to stop. We can do better. Guilt is not an ingredient.

GS

Vues Master’s Note: I feel guilty responding to this letter. I am too fat to bend down to pick up my pen to respond!

ROSH HASHANA

Dear Vues Master:

This year, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year of 5782, begins at sunset on Labor Day, September 6. A Jewish comedian once joked that Jewish holidays never seem to come on time. We tend to say that Rosh Hashanah or Chanukah or Pesach—you name the holiday—seems to either come early or late! This year, Rosh Hashanah really does seem to come early—rarely is it this early in September! The fact remains that of course Rosh Hashanah is on time this year. It is we who have to catch up to it. The Jewish year can run from 353 days to 385 days in a leap year, when there is an extra month added so that Pesach especially will always occur in the Spring. The Jewish year that we are concluding is the shortest one possible (353 days)—the coming year will be the longest one possible (385 days). The current Jewish year began in the throes of the Covid-19 pandemic, and so many were hoping that the year would end with better news. And yet, we find a resurgence of Covid; renewed anti-Israel and anti-Semitic attacks; challenges to our military missions, as in Afghanistan; and the growing threat of home-grown terrorism. Based upon the last few Torah readings of this cycle, the Talmud presents the hope that “the outgoing year may end with its curses, and the incoming year may begin with its blessings.” Indeed, this year Rosh Hashanah could not come early enough. May 5781 end with its curses—and may we look forward to the long new year of 5782 with its 385 days filled with many blessings, Amen. Leshanah tovah tikatayvu vetaychataymu—May you and yours be inscribed and sealed for a good sweet new year.

RDZK

Vues Master’s Note: Let us all be inscribed in the book of life and health and wealth!