05 Apr DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,

Although you wrote an excellent column on page 74 of the March 16 issues if Jewish Vues, as you regularly do, you were misled by the viewpoint of the writer and did not properly address the question. Most unfortunately, you left the writer thinking that his future in-laws were giving him nothing when in reality they were probably giving him at least tens of thousands of dollars! I will briefly explain and beg you to print a corrected answer so that the writer is not incorrectly left with an entirely factually incorrect thought. You answered a moral issue whereas the question required a mathematical monetary answer.

Lets assume that the building owned by the kallah’s parents cost $1,200,000 and that they paid 25% ($300,000) down while taking out a $900,000 mortgage. The writer thinks that the in-laws are giving him nothing. However, his apartment (one third of the house) would be worth $400,000 but the mortgage payments would total $300,000. He would be getting a present of $100,000 from the in-laws. This is simple math and must be clarified to him (as well as your readers); not to do so would be an avairah as you would leave him (and readers) incorrectly thinking bad of his in-laws (and perhaps his kallah!) You concurred with his false impression that he is being given nothing which must be rectified. Be well.

-HB

Dear HB,

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. This is an important point to consider. While we examined the side of understanding different families, the fact remains that this is a hefty gift to this young couple. A person definitely must not be Kafoi tov, and thank their in-laws for this amount of support, even if it wasn’t what they had in mind.

With wises to all for a Kasher and Zissen Pesach,

Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.