14 Jun PARSHAS BEHAALOSCHA: A TALE OF TWO LESSONS IN HAKARAS HATOV
The parsha contains the pasuk: “The people complained, speaking evil in the ears of Hashem, and Hashem heard and His wrath flared, and a fire of Hashem burned against them, and it consumed at the edge of the camp.” [Bamidbar 11:1]. This Parsha contains the beginning of the unfortunate decline of the Jewish people during their sojourn in the Wilderness.
Rashi describes the “disconnect” between the people and the Almighty. They complained: “How much we have struggled on this journey! It has been three days that we have not rested from the suffering of the way!” G-d was angry at them: “I had intended it for your benefit, so that you would enter the Land immediately.”
The Ramban takes note of a peculiar expression in the pasuk describing the complaints: “And the nation was ‘k-misonenim’ [they were LIKE complainers]”. Strangely, the Torah does not state that the people complained. It states that they were “like complainers”. What does that mean?
The Ramban explains that the people spoke out of hurt and pain. In other words, there was a certain degree of legitimacy to their whining. When people are in pain, it is natural for them to complain. If someone is in the hospital, he is laid up, he is in pain, and he sometimes utters things that he really should not be saying: “Why is G-d doing this to me? I do not deserve the suffering I am experiencing!” People get upset and when they are in pain, they complain. This is somewhat of a mitigating factor. They are only “LIKE” complainers. We cannot really throw the book at them. They were doing what comes naturally for those who are in pain.
If that’s the case, asks the Ramban, why does Hashem get upset with them? The Ramban answers that they should have followed Him with a good spirit and attitude based on all the multitude of goodness and kindness He provided to them. When things are going so well and one has so much good fortune, it is simply inappropriate to complain!
This is one of the great challenges of life. Most of us are extremely fortunate. We merit the uncontested bounty of the Almighty. Most of us have good health and families. We have so much good! But when things are not 100% right, we complain.
The Ramban is saying that this is not right. We should be looking at the “big picture” before we start complaining. The big picture is that there is a bounty of blessing we are enjoying despite the bumps in the road or the pot holes in the road or the ditch in the road that we occasionally get stuck in. We still should not complain because the sum total of our life is still overwhelmingly tilted towards the side of joy, gladness, and abundance of that which is good.
This is another example of a theme that is repeated so often in the Torah – the theme of “Hakaras haTov” [recognizing favors; showing gratitude].
The Apter Rav used to say that in every single parsha in the Torah, there is a hint (Remez) to the importance of Ahavas Yisrael [the mitzvah to love a fellow Jew]. The Apter Rav was once asked to point out the ‘Remez’ for Ahavas Yisrael in Parshas Balak. He quipped “That’s simple. The name of the parsah – Balak – is an acronym for the words V’Ahavta L’Reacha Kamocha [You should love your neighbor as yourself]”. The Chassidim questioned their master. “Rebbe, V’Ahavta begins with a Vov, while Balak begins with a Bais. Furthermore, Kamocha begins with a Kaf not a Kuf, which is the last letter of Balak!” The Apter Rav answered, “If you are so particular about the individual letters, you will never find Ahavas Yisrael!”
I use this story by way of introduction to note that in almost every parsha in the Torah, we may find some type of hint to the concept of Hakaras HaTov. We just mentioned one such ‘remez’. However, there is a very novel interpretation given by the Moshav Zekeinim to an incident at the end of the parsha, which also highlights this concept of appreciating favors.
“Miriam and Aaron spoke (ill) about Moshe regarding the Cushite woman he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman.” [Bamidbar 12:1] The Torah does not tell us explicitly what their problem was with this Cushite woman.
Rashi and most of the commentaries say that their problem was the fact that their brother Moshe neglected his wife. Because of his unique status of always being “on call” to speak to the Almighty, he could not live a normal life of husband and wife and had to physically separate from his wife, thereby neglecting her. Miriam and Aaron complained amount Moshe, “Was it only with Moshe that Hashem spoke? Did He not speak with us as well?”
This is the classic, standard, interpretation of their complaint. The Moshav Zekeinim has a different interpretation. The Moshav Zekeinim says that their complaint was, on the contrary, that Moshe Rabbeinu should divorce this woman. Maybe, they reasoned, it was okay for Moshe to have married such a woman when he was a simple shepherd. However, now that he was the leader of the Jewish people, he was due for an “upgrade”. He deserved a wife more fitting of his station in life.
According to this approach, Moshe’s response to his sibling was that to divorce this wife now would be a violation of the principle of “Hakaras HaTov”. “This woman married me when I was a poor shepherd. I was a fugitive of justice, running away from the sword of Pharaoh and this woman married me and stuck with me. For me to dump her now that I have found a bit of success in my life would be a gross violation of the attribute of having appropriate gratitude (Hakaras haTov). Where is the loyalty toward the woman and the wife who was with me all these years?”
This interpretation, claims the Moshav Zekeinim, fits in well with the rebuke of the Almighty to the words of Miriam and Aaron: “B’chol Beisi Ne’eman Hu” [In all My House he is the most loyal one]. The trustworthiness of Moshe, his loyalty and faithfulness, extended not only to Hashem, it extended to his wife as well! He does not abandon the people around him.