19 Jul The “Three Weeks”

The time of the three

weeks is a time when

we avoid many

activities. Why do we

refrain from such

activities? What are

included in these

activities? Below we

will discuss the

halachos of the three

weeks.

Introduction

We live in a world

today where it is very

hard to realize what we

are missing by not having the Bais Hamikdosh.

We have gotten too comfortable with our houses

etc and are not really waiting for the day that

Moshiach will come. The Gemorah tells us one

who mourns over the Bais Hamikdosh will merit

seeing it rebuilt. The Shulchan Aruch tells us

that a G-D fearing person should worry about

the churban Bais Hamikdosh every day of his

life. Five tragic occurrences happened on Shiva

Asar B’tamuz: 1. Moshe Rabbeinu broke the

luchos when he came down from Har Sinai and

saw the eigel 2. The karbon tamid was no longer

brought in the first Bais Hamikdosh. 3. The

destruction of the second Bais Hamikdosh

started. 4. Apostumos burnt the Torah 5. A

tzelem was placed in the heichel. On Tisha B’av

the following tragedies happened: 1. Klal

Yisroel were told they were not going into Eretz

Yisroel because they wept in vain after hearing

the evil report of the meraglim. 2. The first and

second Bais Hamikdosh were destroyed. 3.

Beitar, which was home to thousands of Jews,

was captured by the Romans. 4. Turnisrupos

surrounded the heichel. Because of the above

tragedies, the custom is to refrain from many

activities during the days between Shiva Asar

B’tamuz and Tisha B’av, which are commonly

known as “Ben Hametzarim.”

Source

Based on the sources in the footnote below it

would seem that the time for aveilus is either

from Rosh Chodesh Av or during the week of

Tisha B’av. However, many poskim among

them the Rama bring down that the time of

aveilus starts from Shiva Asar B’tamuz.

Night Before or in the Morning

There is a discussion among the poskim if one

has to refrain from the actions which are not

done during the three weeks from the morning

of Shiva Asar B’tamuz or even the night before?

Most poskim say that one should refrain from

doing these activities even from the night

before, from tzeis. In a pressing situation one

can be lenient (i.e. wedding on Motzei

Shabbos). Some are of the opinion that during

ben hashmoshes one can be lenient with the

actions which are customarily refrained from

during the three weeks (i.e. haircut). There is a

minority view that holds that some have the

custom not to eat meat from Shiva Asar

B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av, (except for

Shabbos), but the custom is not like this. Some

have the custom to fast each day from Shiva

Asar B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av, but the

custom is not like this, especially for one who

teaches Torah and is concerned it will affect his

learning.

Mourning Mid-day

Many poskim mention that after the mid-day

point of every day during the three weeks one

should take some time out to mourn over the

destruction of the Bais Hamikdosh.

Nonetheless, this should not be done on Erev

Shabbos, Erev Rosh Chodesh Av, Rosh

Chodesh and Erev Tisha B’av.

Restricted Activities

There are basically four main activities which

are customarily restricted during the three

weeks. 1. Joy, such as a wedding, dancing or

music. 2. Haircuts. 3. Reciting a shehechiyanu.

4. Dangerous situations. We will now begin to

discuss these activities in the order in which

they appear in the Shulchan Aruch.

Weddings

The custom of Ashkenazim is to refrain from

making weddings from the night of Shiva Asar

B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av. This is even if

one has not fulfilled the mitzvah of having

children (see above in regard to making a

wedding the night of Shiva Asar B’tamuz). One

is permitted to get engaged (vort) or write a

tenayim during the three weeks but only without

a seuda or dancing). One is permitted to make a

seuda for a bris milah or pidyon haben during

the three weeks. Some say that at a sheva

berochos which takes during the three weeks,

one may not have dancing or music. Others

permit dancing but no music, and others permit

both dancing and music.

Music

Just as dancing is not done during the three

weeks, it is customary to refrain from listening

to music as well. This applies to tapes, radios,

CDs or DVDs. Some poskim are lenient and

permit even live music at a seudas mitzvah. One

who wishes to listen to music while exercising

or in a waiting room is permitted to do so. One

does not have to shut off a musical ringer on his

cell phone during the three weeks. If one is

driving and is scared of falling asleep, listening

to music is permitted. One is permitted to listen

to music if he is suffering from depression and

the music will lift his spirits. Children below the

age of chinuch are permitted to listen to music.

This applies to adults who are listening to the

children’s music as well (i.e. while driving in

the car). In addition, a teacher in a playgroup

may play music for her students who are under

the age of chinuch during the three weeks. There

is a discussion in the poskim if playing a

musical instrument for one’s livelihood is

permitted during the three weeks. The

consensus of the poskim is that doing so is

permitted, although some say only until Rosh

Chodesh Av. It is proper not to have music

lessons during the three weeks.

Newest Fad

Many say singing without music is not

permitted. Therefore, the newest fad to have

music which simulates instrumental music (A

capella) is not a viable loophole during the three

weeks. Such singing defeats the whole purpose

of the isssur because the musical experience is

what is really ossur, which A capella singing

provides in full. If there is singing without

music then it may be permitted. In addition,

some say even if one sings into a CD without

beats it is considered music and forbidden.

Singing

Singing with one’s mouth is permitted during

the three weeks. Some say singing songs which

brings joy should not be done. According to

some poskim listening to a CD of chazzanos

without music is permitted even if one finds it

enjoyable.

Haircuts

The custom of Ashkenazim is not to take

haircuts from Shiva Asar B’tamuz until after

Tisha B’av. This applies to both men and

women. The reason for this is since one does not

take a haircut so often, if we were allowed to

take haircuts until Rosh Chodesh Av it would

not be recognizable that we let our hair grow

after Rosh Chodesh, therefore, the custom is to

refrain from haircuts for the entire three week

period. This stands true even for the honor of

Shabbos. One is permitted to comb his hair even

if some hair may fall out. Some say an

Ashkenazi can give a Sefardi a haircut since the

Sefardi is permitted to have a haircut until the

week of Tisha B’av, but l’halacha one should

not do so. Others say if a Sefardi (who is

permitted to take a haircut until the week of

Tisha B’av) wishes he can be stringent and not

give haircuts to Ashkenazim, but according to

the letter of the law doing so is permitted. An

adult may not give a child a haircut, since one

should teach his children about the churban,

however, if it is for the need of the child then

doing so is permitted until the week of Tisha

B’av. One should avoid performing an upsherin

of a child during the three weeks. The haircut

which is forbidden refers to the head and beard

(shaving). If one’s mustache is getting long and

in the way of eating, it may be shaven. One who

works in a place that if he does not shave or take

a haircut he will lose his job, may shave or take

a haircut during the three weeks, except for the

week of Tisha B’av. A woman whose hair

grows long enough that it starts coming out of

her head covering may shave it. The same is true

if the shaving is done for tznius reasons. Going

for electrolysis is permitted for a woman. A

woman is permitted to tweeze her eyebrows

during the three weeks. A sheitel which needs to

be fixed or cut is permitted until Rosh Chodesh

Av. A girl who is involved with dating can

shave before she goes on a date. Some say if

one’s hair is so long that it is a chatzitzah for

hilchos tefillin then one is permitted to take a

haircut. It is permitted for the one who is making

a bris (father of the child), the mohel, and

sandek to shave for the bris, until the week of

Tisha B ’av.A chosson during his sheva

berochos is permitted to shave since it is like a

Yom Tov for him. The opinion of some poskim

is to be lenient for a bar-mitzvah boy to take a

haircut if the bar-mitzvah is before the week that

Tisha B’av falls out, but other say this should

not be done, and this is the custom of many.

Cutting Nails

One is permitted to cut nails during the three

weeks. A mohel is permitted to cut his nail in

order to perform a bris more efficiently.

Reciting a Shehechiyanu and Buying New

Items

It is a good practice to refrain from reciting a

shehechiyanu on a fruit or garment during the

three weeks (until the tenth of Av) (please note

the below discussion only pertains to a fruit or

garment that requires a shehechiyanu to be

recited according to halacha. In addition this

discussion is not referring to the nine days

where the halachos are more stringent). Some

say the custom is only to refrain from a

shehechiyanu from the nine days (see below)

but not before. The reason for the custom is

since this time is a time of “unpleasant

occurrences” it is not the time to say the beracha

of shehechiyanu where we mention being

brought to this time. A woman who is expecting

is allowed to eat a fruit even if she will have to

make a shehechiyanu on it since if she wants a

food and does not have it there can be a danger.

From the fact that one should not recite a

shehechiyanu during these days, we learn that

one should also not buy any clothing which

would require him to recite a shehechiyanu.

Some say one who mistakenly recited a beracha

rishona on a fruit which requires a shehechiyanu

should recite a shehechiyanu on it before eating

it. According to the above, one would be

permitted to buy a chashuv item during the three

weeks as long as no shehechiyanu is recited on

its purchase. Some still say that something

which is “chashuv” should not be bought during

this time. A sefer that one does not recite a

shehechiyanu on (not chashuv, or according to

those poskim that no shehechiyanu is recited on

seforim) is permitted to be bought until Rosh

Chodesh Av. Some say if avoiding the purchase

of an item will cause a loss, one should just give

a down payment for it and pay the rest after the

three weeks, others are more lenient. Some say

an item which one does not wear when he buys

it (i.e. clothing which requires alternation) and

he would recite a shehechiyanu when wearing it,

would be permitted to buy during the three

weeks in order to wear it after Tisha B’av. A

new garment which one bought before the three

weeks and recited a shehechiyanu on it

(according to those who say a shehechiyanu is

not recited at the time of wearing but at the time

of the purchase) at that time is permitted to wear

it for the first time until Rosh Chodesh Av. One

is permitted to recite a shehechiyanu on a

mitzvah such as a pidyon habenor bris. In

addition, one is permitted to recite hatov

v’hameitiv during the entire three weeks. For

example, one is permitted to buy a car until

Rosh Chodesh Av if it will be used for his

family. One who gives birth to a girl may recite

a shehechiyanyu, even if the girl is born during

the three weeks. Some have the custom that one

should refrain from moving into a new home

during the three weeks.

Gifts

Some say one is permitted to give a gift to

someone during the entire three weeks if it is

something which one does not recite a

shehechiyanu on.

Avoiding Danger

The poskim mention of few actions to refrain

from the entire three weeks period because of

danger involved. We will begin to discuss them

below. During the three weeks a Rebbe should

be careful not to hit his students, and a parent

should not hit their child even with a strap, and

even the slightest hit. Some say this is only

referring to a hit in a place which can be danger

to the child. The time frame is from the

beginning of the fourth hour until the end of the

ninth hour of the day (in the summer it is

approx. from 11:00am – 2:00 pm), while others

say it is a whole day. Some say there is no

concern in a room which has a mezuzah. One

should be careful not to walk by himself outside

of the city between the beginning of the fourth

hour until the end of the ninth hour of the day (in

the summer it is approx. from 11:00am – 2:00

pm). In addition any place where people

frequent it is permitted. One should not walk

between the sun and the shade during the three

weeks, but this is only for a long period of time.

The whole concern is in the same place, but to

walk from sun to shade is permitted. Some say

one should be careful not to sit or sleep in the

shade of the sun during this time. One should

avoid having surgery during the three weeks if

pushing it off until after the three weeks is

possible.

Swimming – Three Weeks (not including

nine days)

Some have the custom to refrain from

swimming during the three weeks. However, the

custom is to go swimming until Rosh Chodesh

Av. Nonetheless, one should avoid swimming in

dangerous places.