09 Nov JUDGE A MAN BY HIS WIFE
A Man’s Level is Determined by His Wife’s Level
At the beginning of the parsha, during the description of the dialogue between the Angels and Avraham, we find the verse, “And they said to him ‘Where is Sarah your wife?’” [Bereishis 18:9] If one looks in a Chumash, he will notice that the 4 letter word “eilav” – “to him” has 3 dots on top of it.
Rash”i quotes a famous Chazal that when there are more dotted letters in a word than undotted letters, one should (homiletically) expound only those letters that have dots on top of them. In this case, the reading would be “And they said to him, where are you (ayo)? Meaning they turned to Sarah and asked where Avraham was.
Rash”i interprets that they actually asked two questions. They asked Sarah where Avrahom was (i.e. – how he was doing) and they asked Avraham where Sarah was (i.e. – how she was doing). Rash”i says that this teaches us Derech Eretz [proper behavior, manners] – that a guest should inquire about the welfare of both the host and hostess.
The Chernobyl Rebbe expresses a different interpretation of this Chazal: They did ask, “Where is Avraham?” but they did not ask this to Sarah. The dialog was strictly between Avraham and the Angels. First they asked Avraham “Where are you?” and then they asked, “Where is Sarah, your wife?”
What does it mean that they said to Abraham “Where are you?” – He was standing right there! Says the Chernobyl Rebbe, they asked him “where are you holding in your life?” The way in which one asks a man where he is holding in his life is by inquiring “where is (Sarah) your wife holding?”
A man’s level is determined by his wife’s level. If one’s wife is on a high level, we know that the husband is similarly on a high level; if however she is not on a high level, we also know where he is.
The type of wife that a person has largely determines the way that the person acts, his standard of living and his goals in life. If the wife wants the finer things in life, a better lifestyle, a husband to bring home a salary to support all those things; if the wife wants a lifestyle that requires 60 or 65 hours a week of work, then we know where the husband is holding.
On the other hand if the wife is one who suffices with little, if she is happy with whatever her husband can bring home in 40 hours a week, his life will be different. If her attitude is “I will have a little less, but you will learn a little more, you will occupy yourself in communal affairs a little more” then we know where her husband is holding.
“And they said, ‘Where are you holding, Abraham?’ How are we going to know where you are holding? ‘Where is Sarah your wife holding?’”