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    12 Sep DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 18:28h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    Hi! I really enjoy reading your column each week and I’m hoping you can help me. I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and a half, and I’m
    not sure what to do. While in person we speak well, conversations flow, we laugh and have a great time together, after the date the phone will be
    silent, and I will not hear from him for several hours or even a full day. Most of the time, I am the one in the end that has to reach out to him. later.
    I feel like he doesn’t miss me or want to hear from me, unless I message him first. What should I do? What does this mean about our relationship?
    -Does he miss me

    Dear Does He Miss Me,
    Everyone has different expectations in
    a relationship. There are different ways
    that people communicate their needs
    based on their experiences and families
    of origin. Each person also acclimates to
    a relationship differently. Every individual
    has his own timeline of when he feels safe
    enough to speak about his needs.
    It is understandable that it frustrates you
    that he doesn’t follow up immediately after
    a date and that you are the one that has to
    reach out to him.
    We believe that it is time for you to open

    the doors of conversation and have an
    honest discussion. Consider the following
    questions. What are his needs and
    expectations regarding communication
    and dating? What are yours? How often
    would you like him to communicate with
    you each day for you to feel loved? How
    often does he need you to communicate
    with him to feel appreciated? What is the
    cultural expectation in your circles for a
    couple who is dating for a month and a
    half? Does he have similar expectations
    about dating for a month and a half?
    What are your expectations regarding the

    various modes of communication? How
    do you discuss issues? We must emphasize
    that messaging (text,whatsapp, etc) is a
    very rudimentary form of communication,
    and truthfully better left for requests for
    information, and short greetings. It is
    not the place for lengthy conversations,
    due to inability to hear tone or see facial
    expressions.
    We wish you hatzlacha with this new
    relationship and hope the two of you can
    read the messages well!

    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack