17 Oct DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I have been dating a guy for 2 months now. We really get along well, but I am curious to meet his family. I feel like
meeting his family is very important to understanding my boyfriend completely, as family plays an integral part of his
life. Whenever I bring it up to him or even my own family, they understand what I am saying but explain that it’s only
appropriate to meet them, once an engagement is imminent. I am frustrated by this answer and I am not sure how to
proceed. What do you advise?
-“Lady in waiting?

Dear “Lady”
Hi, so glad to hear that things are
progressing. You are right when you that
you want to meet his family so you can
understand him better. We are all products
of our environment and seeing
help you to understand him and his
world. You may discover how they solve
problems, how they react under stress and
understand more about family’s culture is.

But sometimes there are cultural norms
surrounding “meeting the parents.”
In order to understand the situation more
fully, we’d like you to ask some questions
in order to proceed. Who is telling you
“we don’t meet the boy’s family?” Can you
ask, them, politely “what is the source of
this practice?” Is this part of a custom in
your community? Is this something which
requires speaking to a Rav, Rebbitzen,
mentor or Shadchan? If not, discuss with

your “guy” whether he has any objections
to you meeting his family. If he does, what
are they and why? Has he met your family,
how was it?
you navigate the situation. Hopefully
learn more about him, his family, yourself
and your relationship.

Hatzlacha Rabah,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack