17 Oct AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FELLOW JEWS IN THE DIASPORA

Dear fellow Jews
who don’t yet live in
Israel,
We are living in
extraordinary times,
days in which atrocities
about which we
pledged “Never Again” have happened,
with dozens of pogroms, over 1,300 brutally
and barbarically murdered, and unthinkably,
200 Jews taken hostage, among them
babies, infants, women, and elderly, even
Holocaust survivors. Hundreds of thousands
of young, beautiful souls – our children,
brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces,
and friends – have been called up, asked to
risk their lives to protect our people, in
Israel and around the world.
These are indeed extraordinary times, and
we cannot and must not be leading ordinary
lives. It isn’t only the media and elected
leaders that need to be careful about their
language, their attitudes, and their focus.
All of us need to be more sensitive, aware,
and thoughtful in not only what we are
doing, but what and how we are messaging.
I don’t believe people generally have
malicious or bad intentions, but our words
online and offline matter, they can lift and
support and boost morale or they can
deflate, cause pain, make our brothers and
sisters in Israel feel very alone.
Don’t Move On: Nobody in Israel, not a
single person in the country regardless of
age, location, or religious denomination,
has been able to return to “normal” or move
on. Hundreds of thousands have been
called up to fight. Their spouses, children,
parents and family have had to pick up the
slack, all while worrying non-stop about
their loved one’s fate. Cities in Israel have
no men to run businesses, pick up the
garbage, or serve the roles we take for
granted. Restaurants and food
establishments have take-out only. The
government is already planning for, and
citizens are starting to think about, food
conservation. This war has barely begun
with a ground operation imminent and 200
hostages still not home. There may have
been events or tragedies in Israel in the past
that caught our attention – we davened, we
said Tehillim, we attended a rally, maybe
called a Congressman, but then we more or
less got back to normal fairly quickly. This
cannot be our attitude right now. Our
brothers and sisters in Israel have not
returned to any semblance of normal and
neither can we. It is up to each individual
and family to decide how to continue to live
life, do what needs to be done, and yet
remain acutely sensitive to what is
happening in Israel. We must be careful not

to judge one another and how we strike that
balance. But one thing we can do
universally is not move on.
Think Carefully About The Words You
Use: Making those in Israel, on the actual
front lines, feel alone is compounding their
pain, and is downright cruel. If you were in
Israel over Yom Tov and needed to get back
to work, if your family and kids’ schools
and life generally are outside of Israel, it is
reasonable and understandable that you had
to leave. If your child was experiencing
anxiety or trauma being in a country at war,
you did the right thing bringing them back.
But you and they aren’t “evacuees” or
“refugees,” you didn’t “flee” for your life,
and you weren’t “rescued.” Your situation
was no doubt stressful, traumatic, and
difficult. You deserve to and should work
through those feelings and get support for
them as needed but choose your language
carefully. An American who made Aliyah
20 years ago, who voluntarily put her
family’s future and destiny in Israel and has
three children now fighting in the IDF,
described what it is like to read and hear
American Jews, including those who daven
daily to return to Yerushalayim, run from
Israel, post about their stress and anxiety
about their return, and describe themselves
as evacuees. If you needed to leave Israel
or your child needed to come home, nobody
should judge you, but talk about your
experience sensitively, thoughtfully, and
intelligently. Leave Israel the way you
walk away from the Kotel: backwards and
wistful. Don’t turn your back and run; walk
away hesitantly, slowly, regretfully, and
facing Israel the whole time.
Prioritize The Captives: There is so
much pain and horror to absorb, so much
fear and concern on our minds. We grieve
and try to comprehend 1,300 funerals and
shivas, we worry about half a million
soldiers in uniform, but we must keep at the
top of our minds the terrifying fact that
there are 200 innocent people, including
small children, being held by Hamas right
now. When three boys were taken nine
years ago, Klal Yisroel held our collective
breath and didn’t stop davening. There are
TWO HUNDRED hostages being held in
ways we don’t want to imagine. Like
Yaakov was inconsolable until Yosef was
returned to him, we must be inconsolable
until the fate of those 200 is secured.
We Are All Part of this War: Israel is
battling on the front lines, but this is not
only their war. The horrific massacre and
atrocities in Israel have revealed the ugly
reality of Hamas sympathizers who live in
major cities around America and Europe.
We have watched supposedly educated,

r e s p e c t a b l e
people not only
fail to condemn
brutal murder,
rape, and
kidnapping, but
defend it,
identify with it,
and reveal that
they would be
perfectly fine
with it being
p e r p e t r a t e d
against us, their
neighbors, not
in Israel but around the world. Hamas has in
its charters not only to drive Jews from
Israel but to kill Jews around the world.
This is not something that happened or is
happening “over there.” You are not a
spectator to this war, you are not on the
sidelines. We all have skin in this, and we
should be acting like it.
Use Your Influence: Every one of us can
and should be having an impact on other
people. We are responsible for influencing
neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family
by educating them on this war and
advocating for Israel, or recruiting others to
daven, learn and earn merits for our soldiers
and for all Israel. But let’s be clear, when
soldiers are risking their lives, you are not
defeating the enemy by insisting on going
about business as usual in America, by
shopping or going to fancy restaurants,
setting a beautiful table, or focusing on
fashion or planning your next vacation. On
social media, this isn’t a time to mark
birthdays or anniversaries, display desserts
or décor, get vacation advice or post
anything that is tone-deaf and callous to the
crisis facing the Jewish people everywhere.
(Of course, we should continue to celebrate
milestones, particularly our children’s. We
should take vacation if we need to. We
should set a beautiful Shabbos table. But we
need to take extreme care with what we are
posting publicly right now.)
This is our Family: If you don’t have a
close family member in Israel, it is time to
start acting like you do. If a member of your
immediate family—a parent, sibling,
spouse or child—were God forbid in crisis,
in the ICU, or missing, or fighting for his or
her life, could you be distracted? Would
you look for or welcome distraction?
Would you not be drawn to any news, any
update on their well-being? As one person
online posted, when asked by a co-worker,
“Do you have any family in Israel,” he
responded, “Only a few million.” Our
genuine pain, anguish, grief, and worry
should not just be expressions of imo anochi

b’tzaaa, sympathy and empathy for what
another is going through. This is OUR pain,
OUR anguish, OUR fear, and our lives, our
priorities, our focus and our time must
reflect it.
Be Aware of And Sensitive To Those
Around You: In your shul, among your
neighbors and friends, are people who have
children and grandchildren serving in the
IDF. Their lives are on hold, they are
tortured by the concern. In some cases, they
have literally no idea where their children
are or what their assignment is. There are
parents and grandparents of children in
Israel in yeshiva and seminary or who have
made Aliyah. This is personal to them. Be
thoughtful, sensitive, and kind how you
speak, what you post, how you refer to what
is happening there. For example, the shul
lobby might not be the best place for you to
weigh in on how many soldier casualties
would be acceptable to you in a ground
invasion, when you don’t know if the
person behind you might be sitting shiva for
one of those casualties.
Focus On Practical Things You Can Do:
In America we might feel helpless at times
but there is so much we can be doing. Check
in on people in Israel or who have loved
ones there: text, email, call, show you care.
It takes a moment and it means the world.
Also: daven, daven, daven. Each and every
one of our heartfelt tefillos and perakim of
Tehillim matter, they mean something to
Hashem and also to those who know we are
pouring out our hearts. Learn, do mitzvos,
perform chesed in the merit of those we
who cannot be doing those things right now.
Advocate, write letters, reach out to elected
officials, protest those who are telling the
story inaccurately and thank those who are
supporting Israel the way it deserves. Pass
up on a luxury you were going to afford
yourself and send support for equipment,
supplies, and an economy hurting badly.
(Also, be mindful of where and to whom
you are giving. Give generously, but make
sure you’re giving to someone you trust
(who themselves are making sure the funds

are being used
appropriately) or a
known organization.

There are many well-
meaning people and

campaigns, but
sending supplies to soldiers or civilians is not
always simple. Giving to a website or cause
going around Whatsapp that has not been
vetted may not be the best use of your
support.)
Good Day? I was checking out of a store
and the cashier asked me, “Are you having a
great day?” She did nothing wrong and it
could be her employee handbook mandates
she say that, but I had to hold back from
screaming, “Great day? Do you know the
crisis my family is in?” Again, she did
nothing wrong, but we should be careful
about the language we use. On Motzei
Shabbos instead of “gut voch” and “Shavua
tov,” I wished others, “May it be a gut voch
and shavua tov.” Instead of saying “Have a
great day,” when I see others, I say, “May
klal Yisroel have a great and successful day.”
Think about how the words you use and the
way you communicate indicates that you are
acutely feeling being in an eis tzara.

Pace Yourself: It is understandable that you
can’t make it to every rally and can’t and
shouldn’t be (nor is it healthy to be) tied to
the news 24/6. All indications are that this
crisis for Klal Yisroel won’t be over quickly.
We need to pace ourselves. Be aware of what
is happening but let yourself take a break
from your phone and don’t let it interfere
with other responsibilities. Advocate, fight,
cry, daven, learn, check in, give… and take a
moment to catch your breath if the alternative
is burning out. The challenge of keeping up
with the intensity of the efforts and
opportunities to help right now must not be
an excuse to abandon all of them altogether
and return to “normal.”
My dear friends who live in the Diaspora –
this is a gut check moment. We will forever
be defined and remembered for how
connected we feel and act to Klal Yisroel and
to those in Eretz Yisroel at this time.
When Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven ask
Moshe if they can live east of the Yarden and
not settle in Eretz Yisroel proper, something
the Midrash tells us they were the first to
exiled later because of, Moshe responds:
ו ַיֹּאמֶר מֹשֶׁ ה -לִבְנֵי-־גָד ו ְלִבְנֵי רְאּובֵן- הַאַחֵיכֶ֗ם
your Are “, י ָבֹאּו לַמִּלְחָמָה= ו ְאַתֶּם תֵּשְׁ בּו פֹה׃

brothers to go to war while you
stay here?”
Jews of the Diaspora are not
being asked to come fight.
(Though some are heroically
volunteering to do so.) We are not
even being asked to come right
now. But our hearts, souls, and
every fiber of our being must be
in and with Israel, wherever we
may physically be right now.
In a previous war of the Jewish
people against Amalek, Moshe
stood and raised his hands
ו ִידֵי מֹשֶׁ ה :us tells Torah The .heavenward
כְּבֵדִים- ו ַי ִּקְחּו־אֶבֶן ו ַי ָּשִׂימּו -תַחְתָּיו ו ַי ֵּשֶׁ ב עָלֶיהָ
-ו ְאַהֲרֹן ו ְחּור תָּמְכּו-בְי ָדָ֗יו מִזֶּה אֶחָד- ּומִזֶּה אֶחָד
s’Moshe But -, ו ַי ְהִי י ָדָיו אֱמּונָה עַד־בֹּ ּ א- הַשָ ׁ מֶׁש׃
hands grew heavy; so they took a stone and
put it under him and he sat on it, while
Aharon and Chur, one on each side, supported
his hands so his hands remained steady until
the sun set.”
Moshe held both his hands up, directing the
people’s prayer and faith to Hashem. When
it got uncomfortable and tiring for him,
Yehoshua and Chur stepped in and helped

him hold his hands up. The Gemara explains
that when it was too much for Moshe and he
needed to sit, he sat down, but on a rock so
that he would still feel the people’s pain and
not feel comfortable during the war his
brothers were fighting.
We need to lift the hands of our brothers and
sisters. We need to refuse to be too
comfortable, refuse to be distracted, refuse to
move on or go back to normal until this war
is won with the help of Hashem.
With great love, respect, worry and concern,
Rabbi Efrem Goldberg