19 Dec VAYIGASH: FAMILY

The Torah in Parashat
Vayigash tells the
dramatic story of Yosef’s
revealing his identity to
his brothers. When he
decided to finally tell
them who he was, he announced to them:
“I am your brother, Yosef, whom you sold
to Egypt.”
Why did Yosef find it necessary to
mention to his brothers at this moment that
they had sold him to Egypt? They
obviously had not forgotten about what
they did. Why is this emphasized when
Yosef told them who he was?
The answer might be that Yosef was
telling his brothers, “It doesn’t matter what
you did to me. Even though you sold me as
a slave – I am still ‘your brother, Yosef.’ We
are still brothers, and we will always be
brothers. Nothing you’ve done to me
could ever change that.”
This is a crucial point that we need to
remember when it comes to family: our
relationships with our family members last
forever. We can end friendships, but we
cannot end familial relationships. We will

always be our parents’ children, our
children’s parents, our siblings’ siblings,
and our cousins’ cousins. Nothing that
they do or we do can ever change that.
Unfortunately, it often happens that the
pain of the moment causes people to forget
this truism. People feel hurt or offended,
and so they react drastically, sometimes to
the point of permanently breaking the
relationship. Yosef teaches us that there is
another way. He realized that no matter
what, he was still their brother. Family is
forever.
Yosef proceeded to tell his brothers,
“Now, do not be upset…that you sold me
here, because G-d sent me before you for
sustenance.” Yosef acknowledged that it
was only because his brothers sold him
that he ended up becoming the viceroy in
Egypt and saving the world from
starvation. He was brought to Egypt and
purchased by Potifar, whose wife falsely
accused him of assaulting her, leading to
his imprisonment in a dungeon, where he
correctly interpreted the dreams of the
baker and the cupbearer, and the cupbearer
then recommended him to interpret

Pharaoh’s dreams. As a result of Yosef’s
interpretation of Pharaoh’s dreams,
Pharaoh appointed him as leader, and
Yosef stored grain so that there would be
food during the seven years of famine.
The brothers treated him very harshly –
but Hashem arranged that this would
happen so that Yosef would become the
outstanding leader that he was destined to
become.
We of course do not want family
struggles. We want everything to go
smoothly, and everyone to get along
seamlessly with one another. But when
there are struggles, we need to remember
“because G-d sent me before you for
sustenance.” These struggles are what
make us stronger and build us into the
people we need to become. We aren’t
going to grow by having everything go
smoothly all the time. Yosef would not
have ended up saving the world if he had
enjoyed a peaceful life with his family. He
needed to go through what he went through
in order to become the outstanding figure
that he was. And this is true of all of
us. Struggles – especially family struggles

– build our characters and help us attain
greatness.
This is something we need to remember
when we feel hurt or offended by a family
member. Instead of reacting harshly, we
should remind ourselves that family is
forever, and family struggles will, in the
long run, help us be better people. If we
live with this mindset, we will, hopefully,
enjoy stronger, closer relationships within
the family, avoid unnecessary conflicts
and tension, and, perhaps most importantly,
develop ourselves into the great people
that we are capable of becoming.