06 Feb MISHPATIM: TWO PATHS TO RECOVERY – THE FEAR OF SETTING YOURSELF FREE
Rage Therapy
A man walks into a
bar. He calmly orders
a drink and proceeds
to abruptly pick up
his glass and hurl it at
the shocked bartender.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence,
he begins apologizing profusely, pleading
for forgiveness: “I am mortified; I suffer
from uncontrollable rage, I am deeply
ashamed of it, I don’t know what came over
me, please forgive me for my embarrassing
behavior.” The bartender graciously
forgives him. However, this happens nightly
for a week straight, each outburst followed
by sincere regret. Finally, the bartender
makes an ultimatum: “Either you undergo
intense anger-management therapy or do
not ever enter this bar again.” The man
consented. A year later, he returns to the bar,
a rehabilitated man. But lo and behold, he
immediately takes his glass and heaves it at
the bartender. “What are you doing?” the
bartender thundered, “I thought you went to
therapy!” “I did,” the man replied, “and
now I am not embarrassed anymore.”
Animal Laws
This week’s parsha (Mishpatim) deals
with the laws of damages caused by one’s
animals. Say, for example, your
domesticated bull suddenly and
uncharacteristically gores and kills another
bull. Perhaps your domesticated usually
well-behaved dog goes berserk and
suddenly attacks and bites another dog, or
worse yet, an innocent stranger. What’s the
law? The Torah tells us, for the first three
altercations the owner of the bull pays for
only half the damage. Since it is unusual for
a bull to suddenly gore, the owner was not
expected to take all precautionary measures
to prevent this. He is not deemed completely
responsible, and he splits the losses with the
owner of the wounded animal. However,
after three attacks, it is established that this
bull is aggressive and has a destructive
nature, and the owner is held fully
responsible to guard his animal. He,
therefore, pays for all the damage occurring
as a result of his failure to guard his
dangerous beast.
Is “Repentance” Possible?
How about re-orientation? Meaning, can a
bull or any other animal resume their
original status of innocence after damaging
three times? Yes, says the Talmud. And this
can be achieved in two ways: Either the
owner rigorously disciplines his animal
until its disposition is transformed, and it
learns to behave. Or he can sell the animal
or give it as a gift to someone else. With a
new owner and new patterns and schedules,
the Halacha assumes the animal will return
to its natural inborn domestic nature and is
considered nonviolent until proven
otherwise.
The Psychological Dimension
Every law of the Torah has a psychological
and spiritual rendition, in addition to the
concrete and physical interpretation. One of
the primary functions of the Jewish mystical
tradition — Kabbalah and Chassidism – is to
explain the metaphysical meaning behind
each law and Mitzvah of the Torah and the
Talmud. How can we apply the above-
mentioned set of laws to our own personal
and spiritual lives?
The Mystical Animal
Each of us possesses an animal within; an
earthy, mundane consciousness that seeks
only self-preservation and self-
enhancement. Survival and comfort are its
sole consideration. In today’s neuroscientific
vocabulary we would define it as the
reptilian brain and mammalian brain,
responsible for our survival and
emotions. Judaism maintains that the
“human-animal” is considered self-centered
and animalistic, but not inherently bad or
destructive. In sharp contrast to other
traditions which claim man
is inherently sinful, and therefore in need of
salvation, Judaism does not see any part of
our consciousness as innately evil. When
one is born, the animal within is innocent
and even cute. Its primary goal is merely to
preserve its existence, gratify its natural
desires, and enjoy a safe and comfortable
life. However, if our animal consciousness
is not educated, cultivated, and refined, this
cute innocent animal can become a self-
centered beast. The beast can turn into a
monster, prone to destroy itself and others
around it in its quest for self-enhancement
and self-aggrandizement. Sometimes our
animal can become addicted to various
things to desperately fill a void it is
experiencing or run from a wounded self-
image. Many people’s animals do indeed
become, at one point or another, damaging
forces, causing pain to themselves and to
others.
Two Types of Animals
Yet, there are two distinct types of
“damaging human animals.” There is one
whose moments of aggression are seen as
unusual deviations; and one for whom these
destructive patterns have become common
behavior. In the first instance, the Torah tells
us to be more understanding of the “owner”
of the animal. Nobody is ever entitled to
“gore” or “bite” another
human being. But practically
speaking, we need to
remember that even the
gentlest husband can lose
himself and raise his voice in
anger, and even the most
loving woman may, in a
moment of stress, make an
obnoxious comment. It is
painful and amends must be
made, but it’s not the end of
the world.
We have our weak moments,
when our inner lizard, rat, or
Chimpanzee, take over our bodies and
behaviors; we say or do hurtful words or
deeds. Our rational, visionary, and Divine
consciousness go “offline” for those
moments, as our inner animal takes a stab at
a spouse, child, co-worker, or stranger. It is
hurtful, but we can make amends. As long
as the offender acknowledges his or her
wrongdoing and accepts accountability,
understanding and forgiveness may follow.
To be human is to err. Our goal is not
perfection, but accountability. Life will
sometimes throw you a curveball, and in the
shock that follows you may lose yourself
and begin to “gore.” As long as you are
accountable for your actions and words,
your negative behavior is considered an
anomaly, an aberration from your natural
self. But if the incidents of abuse and
destruction persist — if a husband
continuously shouts at his wife or children;
if a person in a position of leadership
shatters the lives of the people he is
responsible for; if a wife only derides and
ridicules her husband; if one cannot control
their food, alcohol, or drug addiction — their
behavior cannot be condoned. We are
dealing with an animal whose
selfish, destructive, and unhealthy
inclinations have become the norm. Making
mistakes is part of life. But if these mistakes
are repeated continuously and become
regular habits without being controlled and
stopped, they are dangerous. They have
become a lifestyle, a routine, sometimes an
addiction. The owner of this “animal”
cannot excuse himself or herself by saying,
“I did not realize, I did not know.” He or she
must “seize the bull by its horns” (pun
intended) and accept full accountability.
But how does such an animal return to its
original, innocent status? How can one
rehabilitate oneself? How does one regain
the trust of the people he/she has hurt so
badly?
Two Paths to Recovery
There are two roads available: The first is
the rigorous process of self-refinement, in
which your animal learns to confront and
challenge its deepest fears and urges, and it
painstakingly de-beasts its abusive
character. Yet, even before you manage to
work through all of the dark chambers of
your wild animal, the teachings of Judaism
present another alternative: Change the
jurisdiction of th
e animal. Take your animal and submit it
to the higher power, to the property of G-d.
Even before complete therapy, surrender to
the higher reality. Take your rage, your
addictions, your depression, your fear, your
shame, and submit them to G-d. The Torah
teaches that the universe is created anew at
every single moment. You, I, and all
of existence, are being re-created right here
and right now. In a G-d centered
consciousness, life happens in the here and
now. Transferring to His ownership means
that at this moment you can put your past
demons to rest and start anew. You are as
fresh as a newborn. Talk to your animal and
reflect together on the following truth: Yes,
I know that you have a complicated past and
I am not denying that; I know you believe
that you are prone and addicted to all types
of behavior. But right now, my dear animal,
let us look and live in the present. You and I
were just created anew, with a clean slate.
So let us finally begin to live. For real. It is
sometimes scary to throw away the baggage
of our past; at times familiar misery seems
more comfortable than unfamiliar change.
But we need to take full responsibility for
our future. We must muster our courage and
view ourselves from the G-d’s perspective,
from His ownership. In His world,
everything is recreated each moment. We
can liberate ourselves from our past and
defy ominous predictions of our future, and
we can do it now. I must still work on
healing internally, but in a very real way, I
can gain control over my inner reptilian and
mammalian brain. If you are serious and
compassionate, your animal will listen —
and respond.