Have Questions or Comments?
Leave us some feedback and we'll reply back!

    Your Name (required)

    Your Email (required)

    Phone Number)

    In Reference to

    Your Message


    20 Feb DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 16:07h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira ,
    Hi. I’m a weekly reader of your column. I figured this was the right place to ask my question. On my friend’s very first
    date, she got in a fight with the person she was set up with. It got so bad that he pulled over on one of the service roads
    of Ocean Parkway and demanded she get out of the car. While there are scarier possibilities that could have happened,
    I started to wonder what are “best practices” that one should utilize while dating.
    -Seeking Safety in Brooklyn

     

    Dear Seeking Safety,
    This is an important conversation to have.
    As much as we like to assume that everyone is
    going to be respectful of boundaries and date
    in the healthiest way, we should always exercise
    care in how we date and interact to ensure
    everyone’s safety.
    Trust your intuition- Your mind is processing
    and scanning all the time, and sometimes will
    pick up on cues that something is not safe. If
    you feel something is off, it probably is.
    Stand your ground- If a request to do something,
    makes you uncomfortable, express it. If the
    question being asked is inappropriate, you don’t

    have to answer it. It might be uncomfortable
    especially if you don’t know the person well, but
    you’re are entitled to stick to your principles.
    Keep contact- Let your family know where you
    are and where you are going. Make sure your
    cell phone is fully charged before you leave for
    your date.
    Date in a public place, where there are plenty
    of people. A good litmus test can be- is this
    location and situation appropriate to the laws of
    yichud? These laws were created to ensure that
    when there is a meeting between two people,
    there are plenty of witnesses and people are less
    likely to act inappropriately.

    Open your own beverages, don’t share or
    exchange drinks, don’t drink anything which
    tastes unusual. As stated above, most people
    are nice, normal and respectful, but always be
    vigilant.
    Get home safe- If you are the person who is
    driving home, make sure that your date gets
    into their home safely. If they drop you off,
    make sure that they arrive home safely.
    Good luck and stay safe.
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.