12 Mar DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I’m not sure what to make of this. I’m dating a guy who we have great chemistry with on dates, conversation
is good, and we connect very well. However, after the date ends, I can go a week without hearing from him
again. Then out of daring or exasperation, I’ll reach out, and then we’ll plan another date. Does he like me? Is
he just a nice guy? Can you help me figure out what’s going on?
~Confused in Cedarhurst

Dear Confused,
It sounds a bit confusing to us also. Several
questions come to mind to help get some clarity.
How did you meet each other? Did you know
each other socially, was this a blind date or did
you have a Shadchan?
If there was a shadchan, you can enlist them to
get some clarity regarding the direction of your
relationship. Failing that, you’ll need to engage
him in some type of communication.
One possibility is that he is just as confused as
you. He doesn’t know if you’re interested, so he

takes time in getting back to you.You might call
sooner to demonstrate that you are interested as
well. It could be you might be waiting for him to
take the lead, and he could be waiting for you.
Either take the direct route, as the date is ending
and say, this was great, when would you like to
get together again? Or you can say, “I’ve been
wondering. I’ve noticed that we can go close to a
week between dates without contacting me, and
yet when we get together we have a great time.
What’s going on?”
Which route you choose could depend on
whether you are results or process oriented. Do

you want to understand what’s happening or do
you just want the dates to be made without so
much time passing?
How long have you been going out? If it’s been
a short time, it could be that the problem is
more organizational. If its been a while, it could
be that he’s having problem with deepening a
relationship.
Either way, we wish you luck and if you have any
more questions, welcome you to email us again.
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.