02 Apr IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS…OR IS IT?

Recently, the
Princess of Wales
announced that she
has cancer. In a video
recorded in Windsor,
the former Kate
Middleton disclosed her diagnosis in order
to put an end to speculation and gossip
that began online but was then embraced
and promoted by mainstream media about
the state of her health and marriage. One
of the perpetrators responsible is popular
television host Stephen Colbert, who
promoted unsubstantiated rumors about
the princess and her husband.
When she revealed her diagnosis and the
reason for her absence from public life,
Colbert said on his show: “For the last six
weeks, everyone has been talking about
the mystery of Kate Middleton’s
disappearance from public life and two
weeks ago, we did some jokes about that
mystery and all the attendant froufrou in
the reporting about that, and when I made
those jokes, that upset some people even
before her diagnosis was revealed… I
don’t know whether her prognosis is a
tragic one, she’s the future queen of

England and I assume she’s going to get
the best possible medical care, but
regardless of what it is, far too many of us
know that any cancer diagnosis of any
kind is harrowing for the patient and for
their family, and though I’m sure they
don’t need it from me, I and everyone here
at ‘The Late Show’ would like to extend
our well wishes and heartfelt hope that her
recovery is swift and thorough.”
Besides for his monologue being a
textbook example of a lame non-apology,
the damage was already done. A woman
was essentially bullied into disclosing
something personal and private because
enduring the gossip and conspiracy
theories were worse and even harder to
deal with.
It happened because people felt they had
the right to know something that was
actually none of their business. Colbert
and members of the media weren’t the
only ones who inquired where they didn’t
belong. Three staff members at the
prestigious private London hospital in
which she had her surgery are accused of
accessing her private medical records to
satisfy their curiosity about what was

going on in her
life.
The Torah places
great value on
people’s right to
privacy. Jewish
law demands that
we conduct
ourselves with the
presumption that
all that we are
told, even in
pedestrian, casual
conversation, is to
be held in
confidence unless
it is explicitly
articulated that we are free to repeat what
we heard. The laws of hezek re’iyah forbid
a person from looking into his or her
neighbor’s property in a way that violates
their privacy. We are instructed not to
speak lashon ha’rah or rechilus and spread
gossip, even if the information is
absolutely true and entirely accurate. The
Talmud (recent Daf Yomi – Bava Metzia
23b) goes so far as to tell us that we are
permitted to distort the truth in
circumstances where someone is prying
for information that is none of their
business and that they are not entitled to
have.
This phenomenon expresses itself in
many scenarios. When some hear about
a couple getting divorced, their first
response is, “What happened?” as if they
are entitled to a full report about the
most personal and private details of a
couple (and often their children) going
through a difficult time. Many pay a
shiva call and feel a need to ask, “How
did he/she die?” Certainly the mourner
is free to volunteer the cause of death if
they like, but is it really our business and
do we truly need to know? When we ask,
“Why did he lose his job?” or “Why did
they break their engagement?” or “Why
is she still single?” are we asking
because we care about them, or is finding
out somehow satisfying something in
ourselves?
For some, the need to know stems from
a sense of information as a source of
power. Information is social currency
and the more we know, the richer and
more powerful we are. For others, the
need to know stems from an inability to
live with tension or mystery. And yet, for
others, the need to know is similar to
whatever draws us to slow down and
look at the accident on the highway even

though it has nothing to do with us at all
and only creates traffic for others.
If we are really curious and want to
inquire about something, it shouldn’t be
about private information that doesn’t

belong to us, it should be about the well-
being of people who are eager for us to

care enough to ask about it.
As the war continues to rage in Israel and
the lives of our brothers and sisters remain
radically interrupted, one of the things that
compounds pain is a sense that those in
chutz la’aretz have moved on. I have
heard from Israelis how meaningful and
powerful it is when people check in,
inquire how they are doing, ask about
their children who are serving and fighting.
Conversely, when they receive a text or a
phone call asking for advice about where
the best restaurant is in Yerushalayim or
about an activity for Pesach or upcoming
trip without even mentioning how are you
doing, how are your children, it hurts and
it stings. Similarly, there are people living
in our communities who have children
and grandchildren living in Israel or
fighting in Gaza. When they come to shul
or meet not just acquaintances but friends
in the supermarket or at an event and they
aren’t asked about how their family is
coping and how they are managing, they
feel isolated and alone.
There are things that are none of our
business, we aren’t entitled to know and
we shouldn’t ask, push or bully others into
disclosing or sharing with us. And then
there are things we should feel are all of
our business, all of our responsibility, the
well-being of people we love and care
about.
Let’s always remember the difference
and channel our curiosity into the
questions that will lift people up instead of
making them feel down.