28 May BECHUKOTAI: STOP THE BLAME GAME

The Mishnah in Pirkeh
Avot (4:22) teaches: Do
not let your evil
inclination assure you
that the afterlife is your
escape. For against your
will you were created; against your will
you live; against your will you will die;
and against your will you will be judged
by the King of kings…
Why would anyone think that the
afterlife is an “escape”? And what does
this have to do with the fact that we are
created and we die against our will?
One of the most common ills that
plague people is the tendency to blame
other people. Husbands blame wives;
wives blame husbands. Republicans
blame Democrats; Democrats blame
Republicans. Teachers blame students;
students blame teachers.
When things don’t work out, there’s
always someone or something to blame.
It’s society’s fault. It’s technology’s
fault. It’s his fault. It’s her fault. It’s the
parents. It’s the kids. It’s always

someone or something.
The reason we do this is because we
all feel worried about whether or not
our lives are a success. People are
insecure about their success as parents,
as children, as bread winners, as
professionals, as religious Jews, or as a
million other things. And the thought
that it’s “my fault” is too hard to accept.
It’s a terrible feeling to think that we’re
not a success and it’s our fault.
But the proper perspective is to focus
not on whom or what to blame, but on
how to move forward, what to do about
it. Even when we’re right, and it
REALLY IS SOMEBODY ELSE’S
FAULT, we should focus on where we
go from here, on doing the best we can.
When we blame others, we come
across as very weak. When we focus on
doing the best we can, we come across
as strong and inspiring.
The Mishnah is teaching us that we
should not think that after we leave this
world, we can escape from
accountability by blaming our lack of

success on other people. It’s
not going to work that way.
The reason is that even
though things happen to us in
life against our will, and there
are many things that we do not
want and did not choose, we
also leave this world against
our will. When our life is in
any sort of danger, we
suddenly drop all our
complaints and desperately
want our lives to continue. We
will not be able to cast the
blame on the circumstances in our lives
– because when all is said and done, we
like our life, and we don’t ever want to
give it up.
So let’s stop the blame game. Our lives
aren’t all that bad. Sure, there are things
we don’t like. But that’s not a good
enough reason to blame others and not
take responsibility.
Blaming is not helpful, and it prevents
us from working to make our lives
better.

When we stay focused on what we
need to do, without complaining and
without blaming, we spread happiness.
We uplift and inspire the people around
us.
We don’t choose everything in our
lives. It’s never going to be exactly
what we wanted. But that’s ok. Rather
than complain about and blame
everything on what we don’t like in our
lives, let us make the most of it and
spread happiness and contentment all
around us.