14 Aug WHY GET MARRIED?

After rising for

many years, the di-
vorce rate in the

United States today
is lower than it was a

decade ago. But be-
fore you celebrate,

the reason is not because of a sudden

increase in blissful marriages; it’s be-
cause fewer are choosing to marry to

begin with.
Indeed, the marriage rate today is at its
lowest level since the U.S. government

began keeping national marriage re-
cords in 1867. Of those who do marry,

50 percent will divorce, with the aver-
age length of marriage lasting just 8.2

years.
With those odds, it’s no surprise that

fewer and fewer young people are sub-
scribing to the entire institution of mar-
riage or seeing any significance to it.

Now to be clear, marriage is not for ev-
eryone. Additionally, there are individ-
uals who sincerely want to be married

but haven’t yet found their bashert. For

legitimate reasons and due to many fac-
tors, we aren’t necessarily always in

control of being married. However, we
don’t have to be married to cherish and
fight for and defend the institution of

marriage. As the marriage rate contin-
ues to fall and cynicism towards mar-
riage continues to rise, it is important to

articulate the Jewish view of and value
of marriage so we can best understand
ourselves and advocate to others.
So, if two people love each other, isn’t

marriage just a piece ofpaper, an outdat-
ed tradition, a social constr uct? And if

someone is happy alone, why consider
marriage at all?
Working on Yourself

Adam HaRishon was originally creat-
ed alone. An essential part of the core of

a person is to be by himself, feel com-
fortable being alone, and pursuing his

own interests. But soon after, G-d says,
“It is not good for the Human to be
alone; I will make a fitting counterpart
for him.” Alone, man is a taker; G-d
wants man to become a giver, and so He

creates marriage, the need to compro-
mise, to prioritize a partner, and to make

room for another. Marriage forces us to

grow and helps us become better ver-
sions of ourselves.

That is why the Torah (Bereishis 2:24)
says when the time is right, “A man
must leave his father and mother and

cling to his wife, so that they become
one flesh.” A child is a receiver, focused
on himself and dependent on others.
When a person clings to a spouse and

they become one, they grow to be inde-
pendent together, they must be con-
cerned with and responsible to and for

one another. Marriage fosters maturity,
dependability, and trustworthiness.
Rabbi Chaim Vital, a great 16th century
mystic, said: “A person’s character
traits are primarily measured based
upon how they are to their spouse.”
Becoming Whole
The Torah teaches that on the sixth day
of creation, G-d fashioned one figure
comprised of man and woman, and then
He split them in two, Adam and Chava.
If Hashem is Omnipotent and Infinite, if
He knew He would ultimately create
two, why didn’t He make them that way
to begin with?
Had Hashem created Man and Woman

separate and apart, their union would-
have been a case of one plus one, a col-
lab oration of two. Instead, He wanted

us to realize that alone, we are a half and
when the time is right, we must search

for our other half, the person who com-
pletes us so that we can become whole.

That is why the Talmud (Yevamos 62a)
comments, “Any man who is without a

wife is not a complete man,” and con-
tinues, “One’s wife is as one’s very own

body.”
In a healthy marriage, one’s spouse is

not just a roommate or someone to di-
vide responsibility and chores with.

Marriage is not for convenience or com-
fort. A spouse complements one’s per-
sonality, completes one’s soul, and is

the exclusive person who combines to
be one flesh.
Two of the Sheva Berachos end with
the words, “yotzeir Ha’Adam,” Creator

of man. But creation took place signifi-
cantly before marriage, so wouldn’t that

beracha be much more appropriate at a
celebration of birth? Understanding the

fundamental purpose of marriage pro-
vides the answer. When a baby is born,

we know very little about them. A per-
son is only truly entirely born or fully

created when they find their other half
and becomes whole. We learn who
someone is, what they value and what
kind of life they want to lead, not when
they are a newborn, but when they are
newlywed. When we see who someone
chooses to marry, we learn who they are

and who they want to be. Under
the Chuppa, “Yotzeir Ha’Adam,”
a person is fully created.
On one occasion, Rav Aryeh
Levin accompanied his wife to a
Jerusalem clinic. The physician
inquired what was wrong to
which he responded,“Doctor, my

wife’s foot is hurting us.” Anoth-
er time, Rav Aryeh Levin was

traveling in a cab and the driver asked,
“What’s your home address?” Rav
Aryeh told him I used to have a home
but my wife passed away and now all I
have is an address.”
Countless research shows the mental,

physical and emotional benefits of mar-
riage. Studies show that married cou-
ples are the happiest on the whole, even

though they are no longer living life
only on their own terms. In contrast,
half of the couples who cohabitate break
up and people who cohabitate before

marriage are more likely to get di-
vorced.

So in Judaism, marriage isn’t just a tra-
dition or a living arrangement; it is a

holy institution (this explains why it’s
called Kiddushin in Hebrew, from the

root kadosh, holy). Holy means distin-
guished, separate and apart. Marriage is

an exclusive bond and commitment; it

is a unique relationship shared by hus-
band and wife to the exclusion of all

others.
Rebbe Akiva teaches (Sotah 17a) If a
man [ish in Hebrew] and woman [isha]
establish a faithful marriage, the Divine

Presence rests between them. The He-
brew words ish and isha are almost

identical; the difference between them
is the middle letter yud in ish, and the
final letter heh in isha. These two letters
joined form the name of G-d. Marriage

promotes selflessness, compromise, re-
sponsibility, and faithfulness, all attri-
butes that imitate and attract the pres-
ence of the Shechina, the Divine.

The act of marriage uniquely creates
union of complete oneness. Marriage
isn’t just a piece of paper. The mystical
unification forged through the bond of
marriage, making two halves into a

whole, creates a concretized commit-
ment. It’s investing oneself in the deep-
est, most meaningful, and consequential

way. It means the relationship is any-
thing but casual; it isn’t disposable and

cannot be dissolved without conse-
quences.

Judaism teaches that one should go

into marriage with the mentality of until

death do us part, as evidenced by Avra-
ham’s commitment to Sarah that lasted

through their lifetime and continued
even after Sarah’s demise. We derive
the mechanism of marriage, the giving
and receiving of a ring from husband to
wife, from the way Avraham secured a
burial place for Sarah. This source isn’t
a mere coincidence; it communicates
that a healthy marriage is built on a
commitment until the very end. We
don’t leave or abandon a relationship
when the going gets tough. Marriage is
not disposable, doesn’t have scheduled

upgrades to newer versions. While di-
vorce is also a mitzvah and not only le-
gitimate at times, but fully appropriate

and correct, marriage is a cherished

commitment that should be honored un-
til all options and efforts have been ex-
hausted.

Good for Society

But marriage is not only good for indi-
viduals to realize their potential and to

become better versions of themselves,
marriage benefits society as a whole. A
society made up of distinct individuals
living for themselves, pursuing their
own happiness and seeking to take the
most out of life, is a splintered, divided
society of those prioritizing their
self-interests.
A society comprised of people who
have learned to prioritize others, to give
in addition to taking, who have entered

a meaningful and consequential cove-
nant and contract with each other is an

elevated society, a more noble commu-
nity. The lessons and growth inherent in

marriage improves people, yielding a
better functioning, more committed,
and selfless society and community. A

society made up of physically, emotion-
ally and mentally happier and healthier

people is a happier and healthier society
and better for everyone.
Marriage is not just a mitzvah, it is
good for individuals, it is a sacred and
indispensable institution that benefits
all, and it is valuing and defending.