10 Sep 8 THINGS YOU CAN DO NOW TO PREPARE FOR DEATH

You can avoid
compounding the pain
of your loved ones
when you are gone.
Death is a highly
uncomfortable and
awkward subject. As a
result, most people do
all they can to avoid the subject altogether.
While we would prefer to see ourselves as
living forever, the Torah instructs us that, in
fact, reflecting on our mortality and being
mindful of our transience are critical to
living an inspired life and making the most
of each day. Indeed, it is for this reason that
King Solomon, the wisest of all men,
encouraged us to prefer spending time in a
house of mourning to spending time in a
house of celebration.
Overcoming the taboo and talking about
death are not only important to inspire how
we live life, but are actually acts of love and
devotion to those whom we will ultimately
leave behind. A few years ago, a woman in
our community died suddenly. She was
never married and had no children, but I
remembered that she had a brother. I went to
her home and rifled through paperwork in an
effort to find his information so that I could
inform him of the terrible news. It took a

significant amount of time to make contact
with him and even longer to ascertain what
arrangements she had made.
The more the deceased has planned,
organized, and communicated his or her
wishes, the less speculation, conflict, and
compounded pain the bereaved will face at
their time of loss and grief. Put simply, it is not
only negligent, but also unkind, not to have
one’s “matters in order,” irrespective of how
young or healthy he or she may presently be, or
how uncomfortable it may be to think about
and prepare for death.
None of us would ever intentionally cause or
contribute to the pain or anguish of our family
members. Yet failing to prepare likely will lead
to complicating and, more likely, compounding
the pain of our loved ones when we are gone.
For the sake of your family, please considering
arranging the following as soon as possible:
1. ICE – Upon arriving at the scene of an
accident or emergency, paramedics are trained
to look on the patient’s cell phone for an ICE
– an In Case of Emergency entry that lists
emergency contacts. Access to the right person
and the right information can be the difference
between life and death. Add an ICE entry to
your cell phone phonebook immediately and
consider downloading an ICE app that will
allow access to your emergency contact(s)
even when your phone is locked.
2. Life Insurance – Both Rav Moshe
Feinstein (Igros Moshe Orach Chaim 2:111)

and Rav Ovadiah Yosef (Yechaveh Daat 3:85)
were asked if purchasing life insurance reflects
a lack of faith and trust in G-d. They responded
that as long as one remembers that it is G-d
who empowered us with the wisdom to create
life insurance and enabled us with this tool to
protect our families, it is absolutely permitted
and appropriate. They extend this endorsement
to fire, theft, and car insurance as well. Nobody
ever plans to be diagnosed with a terminal
illness or to be the victim of a fatal accident.
We cannot predict when our end will come, but
we can plan so that the pain of our loss will not
be compounded by financial instability,
hardship and disaster.
3. Disability Insurance – Life insurance can
help provide for one’s family members if one
dies, but what would happen if he or she
suffered a debilitating injury or an
incapacitating illness precluding the ability to
work and provide an income? Disability
insurance is only a luxury if it is never needed.
We pray it will never be a necessity, but we
would be foolish not to have it in case.
4. Living Will & Health Care Proxy
according to Jewish Law – A myriad of
complicated questions can arise in medical
treatment, particularly at the end of life. This
legal document empowers the patient to
determine in advance what choices he or she
would prefer within the parameters of Jewish
law and who is authorized to communicate
those choices to medical professionals if the
need arises. Moreover, rather than leaving
wishes and desires ambiguous so that others
are guessing and speculating, this document
spells them out. Additionally, instead of
conflict arising over how decisions are
reached or which rabbinic authority should
be consulted, the living will documents the
decision-making process and sequence. The
document can name a specific rabbi (or
rabbis) or refer the decision to an organization,
such as the Bioethics Committee of the
Rabbinical Council of America. This is not a
document reserved for the old or infirm.
Every adult should have one on record and it
should be reviewed and updated every few
years and as circumstances demand – and
discussed with your spouse, children or
relatives, so your wishes are clear.
5. Will – Don’t leave loved ones guessing or
fighting over how you want your assets
divided. You work hard for your money and it
should be properly distributed among family,
friends, and charities in a thoughtful,
intentional and halachik manner. You can use
your estate to leave not only a legacy for your
family, but a legacy gift to the community,
Shul or schools that impacted your family. If
you still have minor children, identify who
will be responsible for them and ask their
permission to stipulate such in your will. If
you want to designate a specific piece of
jewelry, art or memento to a particular person,
specify that in your will or other document.
6. Ethical Will – When Yaakov anticipated
his demise he called his family around his
death bed in order to give them each blessings
and charge them as a family. Throughout the
millennia, prominent rabbis and leaders have
recorded ethical wills communicating their
values, vision, and passions to the next
generation. Don’t just leave children and

grandchildren financial assets. Leave them
your vision for who they could become and the
most important values you hope they will
pursue.
7. Burial Arrangements – Where do you
want to be buried, including Israel? Do you
want a chapel service or a graveside service?
Whom would you like to officiate? Does your
family know that you want a Jewish burial
according to Jewish law and for them to sit a
full shiva and say kaddish? Have you bought a
plot and purchased a “pre-need” package with
a funeral home which is significantly less
expensive that needing to buy it “at need?”
Record your burial wishes in detail, including
important biographical information that you
would hope to be included in your eulogy, such
as the major influences in your life and people
and milestones that you were most grateful for
or proud of. Are there particular relatives or
friends or other people whom you would like to
be invited to speak at your funeral?
8. Organized File – Perhaps most importantly,
gather all of the above documentation and
place it in a clearly designated place (paper
and/or electronic) that your loved ones are
aware of and have access to. Include your
doctors, rabbi, and attorney and their contact
information, your bank accounts, cemetery
deed, safety deposit box (and location of keys),
insurance information, financial advisors and
brokers, inventory of assets and real estate,
etc., so that nobody will be left guessing and
searching for important information when it is
needed. If you are one of those pack rats who
hides money and jewelry in books or crevices
around the house, tell someone where to look,
so they do not get discarded with your other
belongings or wind up with the next occupant
of your house or apartment.
You may be reading this thinking it is
excellent advice for someone else, for the
elderly or the sick and infirm. But being
responsible and planning appropriately are for
every adult, every married person and certainly
for every parent or grandparent. Don’t only
consider making all of these arrangements
yourself, but plan to speak to your children and
grandchildren about their making such
arrangements for themselves as well. Such
preparations and arrangements are not taught
in school. They rely on you to provide guidance
and support in these areas. Not only is
communicating these ideas to your children
and grandchildren the right thing to do, but it is
also in your interest, for their failure to plan,
will likely become your emergency.
May we all merit to live full and meaningful
lives realizing great longevity. In the meantime,
let’s show our loved ones how much we care by
making the proper preparations now, so they
won’t have to later.