10 Sep KI TEITZEI: A TALE OF TWO SPOUSES STRUGGLING WITH MY CHALLENGING PARTS BRINGS ME A DOUBLE PORTION OF LIGHT

Who’s Doing the
Talking?
“Does marriage
change one’s
personality?” Greg
asked his buddy Mike.
“In a way,” says Mike.
“You see, when I was engaged, I did most of
the talking and she did most of the listening.
When we just got married she did most of the
talking and I did most of the listening.
“Now we both do most of the talking and the
neighbors do all of the listening.”
Firstborn Rights
This week’s parsha (Ki Seitzei) states the
following law:
“If a man will have two wives, one beloved
and one unloved, and both the loved and
unloved wives have sons, and the firstborn
son is that of the unloved one; on the day that
this man wills his property to his sons, he
cannot give the son of the beloved wife
birthright preference above the son of the
unloved wife, the firstborn.
“Rather, he must recognize the firstborn, the
son of the unloved one, to give him the double

portion in all his property.”
On the most literal level, these verses mandate
that a firstborn son shall inherit a double
portion of his father’s estate, while each
subsequent son shall inherit an equal portion
of the property. A father does not have the
power to bequeath the double portion reserved
for the firstborn to one of the other sons he
loves, and any attempt to do so is ignored by
Jewish law.
As the Talmud makes clear, a person is
certainly empowered to distribute his entire
estate to one of the other sons (or to any other
individual for that matter), as long as he
conveys it as a gift. But if he chooses to
bequeath the estate to one of the sons as
an inheritance and so deny his firstborn son’s
rights as a natural heir, then the father’s
attempt has no legal validity in the Jewish
judicial system.
What is disturbing, however, is the Torah’s
need to state the point via a negative example
of a man who loves one of his wives and
loathes the other. Why was it necessary to use
a crude and offensive illustration in order to
make the simple point that the firstborn son is
entitled to a double portion of the inheritance
regardless of the father’s preferences?

A Spiritual Manual
One of the essential factors to bear in
mind during Torah study is the idea that
each mitzvah, law, and episode
described in the Torah contains—in
addition to its physical and concrete
interpretation—a psychological and
spiritual dimension as well. In his
commentary on the Torah, the Ramban,
writes: “The Torah discusses the
physical reality, but it alludes to the
world of the spirit.” Another great Kabbalist
went even further. 17th-century mystic Rabbi
Menachem Azaryah of Fanu (in Italy) states
that “The Torah discusses the spiritual reality,
and it alludes to the physical world.”
The stories and laws in the Torah ought to be
understood first and foremost as events and
laws in the spiritual realm, and this is actually
the primary method of Torah interpretation.
But in its communication of spiritual truths,
the Torah also lends itself to be interpreted in
a physical and concrete fashion.
What then is the spiritual meaning of the
seemingly coarse description of “a man who
will have two wives, one beloved and one
unloved, and both the loved and unloved
wives have sons, and the firstborn son is that
of the hated one”? How are we to understand
this in the universe of the spirit?
The Struggling Vs. the Romantic Soul
Judaism teaches that the relationship between
each husband and wife reflects the cosmic
relationship between G-d (the Groom) and
the Jewish people (the Bride). The entire
book of “Shir Hashirim” by Shlomo
HaMelech is based on the notion that our
human relationships are capable of reflecting
the Divine marriage with Israel.
There are two types of people who enter into
a marriage with G-d: the “beloved spouse”
and the “unloved spouse.” The “beloved
spouse” represents those individuals who
enjoy a continuous romance with G-d. Their
souls are overflowing with spiritual ecstasy,
selfless idealism, and fiery inspiration. They
cannot stop loving G-d, and G-d cannot stop
loving them. On the other end of the spectrum
stand the “despised spouses,” people
possessing numerous qualities that can easily
be spurned: immoral urges, depressing
feelings, vulgar passions, ugly temptations,
and angry sensations.
These are the people whose hearts are not
always ablaze with love toward the Divine
oneness of reality; their marriage to their
Divine soul is a struggle. Their psyches
vibrate with paradox. Throughout their life,
they must battle not to become a victim of
challenging instincts and cravings.
The Torah teaches us that G-d’s “firstborn
son” may very well come not from His union
with the beloved spouse but rather from His
relationship with the despised spouse. The

spiritual harvest that a struggling human
being produces as a result of his or her
tumultuous romance with G-d, may often be
far deeper and more powerful than that of the
spiritually serene person.
Working with all the parts in my brain and
heart, discovering the goodness deeply hidden
in all of my emotions and dispositions, brings
me to a much deeper space of oneness and
love. The morality and the integrity that
emerges from the midst of my confronting
daily the parts of me that seem so loathsome
contain a unique depth and splendor not
possessed by the straightforward saintly path.
Thus, “On the day that He wills His property
to His sons, He cannot give the son of the
beloved wife birthright preference above the
son of the hated wife, the firstborn. Rather, He
must recognize the firstborn, the son of the
hated one, to give him the double portion in
all His property.” On a spiritual level, this
means, that on the day that Moshiach will
come, when humanity will finally taste the
full-Divinity in the world–and when I
discover the Moshiach consciousness in my
own intimate life–a “double portion” of
G-dliness will be revealed in the arduous
labor and sweat of the individual who never
stopped fighting for his soul.
During the Struggle
You might recall the moving poem written by
a profound heart:
One night I had a dream. I dreamed I was
walking along the beach with G-d. Many
scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In
each scene, I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was only one.
I noticed that during the low periods of my
life, when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of
footprints. So I said to G-d, “You promised
me, Lord, that you would walk with me
always. But I have noticed that during the
most difficult times of my life, there has only
been one set of footprints in the sand. Why,
when I needed you most, you were not there
for me?”
G-d replied, “My precious child, I love you,
and would never leave you. The times when
you saw only one set of footprints, was when
I was carrying you.”