18 Feb OFFICIATING AT AN INTERMARRIAGE

Is a rabbi allowed
to officiate at an
intermarriage, a
wedding between a
Jew and a gentile?
Nearly all halachically
observant Jews will instinctively answer
no. Despite that, I would like to explore
some of the issues involved because
they have broader application. There are
questions of technical halachah and broader
considerations, all of which are important.
I. Participating in the Sin
One potential concern is that a rabbi who
officiates in a forbidden marriage takes
part in the prohibition. Since the marriage
itself is forbidden, by officiating at the
wedding, the rabbi violates the prohibition.
However, this misunderstands the role of a
rabbi in a wedding. In the Jewish tradition,
a marriage is a private agreement between
the husband and wife. The rabbi does not
create the marriage. Rather, when the man
gives the ring to the woman in front of
witnesses and she accepts it, together they
create the marriage.
Rav Ya’akov Emden (18th cen., Germany)
was asked whether a rabbi in mourning
may officiate at a wedding even though a
mourner must avoid joyous celebrations.
Rav Emden replies that really the groom
should recite all the blessings at a
wedding, including the sheva berachos,
the seven blessings under the chupah.
The custom developed for the rabbi to
do that but it is only a custom. However,
the rabbi honors the bride and groom by
officiating and therefore it constitutes a
chesed, a kindness of the rabbi toward
the couple. Because it is a mitzvah of
chesed, a rabbi in mourning may officiate
at a wedding (She’eilas Ya’abetz, vol. 2,
no. 179).
Rav Yosef Zecharyah Stern (19th
cen., Lithuania) is puzzled by this
minimal role that Rav Emden allocates
to an officiating rabbi. There is an
entire literature about weddings done
improperly and the obligation of a rabbi
to ensure that all the technicalities are
fulfilled so the couple is truly married
according to halachah (Responsa
Zeicher Yehosef, Even Ha-Ezer 11).
Regardless, both Rav Emden and Rav
Stern agree that the officiating rabbi does
not actually participate in the marriage.

The man and woman create the marriage
while the rabbi supervises. Therefore,
the rabbi does not actually participate
in creating a forbidden marriage. We
will discuss further whether supervising
over a forbidden marriage is itself
problematic.
II. Stumbling Block
It is forbidden to cause someone to sin
based on the non-literal, halachic reading
of the verse, “Do not put a stumbling block
before the blind” (Lev. 19:14). Because it is
common practice to have clergy officiate
at a wedding, a rabbi might be considered
placing a stumbling block in front of
the couple by officiating. However, the
Gemara (Avodah Zarah 6b) says that you
only violate this prohibition if the sinner
needs your involvement. If the sinner and
a forbidden object are on two sides of a
river and you pass the object to the other
side, you play an essential role in the
sin. Regarding marriage, the couple has
the option to use non-Jewish clergy or a
justice of the peace. Therefore, a rabbi is
not necessary and if a rabbi does officiate,
he does not violate this prohibition.
However, beyond the biblical prohibition
of placing a stumbling block, there is
an additional rabbinic prohibition of
assisting sinners in the commission of a sin
(mesayei’a yedei overei aveirah). A rabbi
who officiates at a forbidden wedding may
be considered assisting the couple. This
question arises regarding matchmaking
for non-observant Jews. Are you allowed
to encourage two non-observant Jews to
date even though if they marry they will
not observe the laws of niddah? Does that
constitute assisting in the commission of
a sin? I discuss at length elsewhere the
debate over this subject (link). Rav Yechiel

Ya’akov Weinberg (20th cen., Germany-
Switzerland) addresses this question in the

context of whether a rabbi may officiate
at the wedding of a non-observant couple
(Seridei Eish, 2:93 in the 2006 edition).
Rav Weinberg says that he insists that
the bride go to the mikveh before the
wedding. Therefore, not only is there no
violation of halachah at the wedding,
there will be no violation later that night
either. Significantly, he adds that since this
couple does not need the rabbi in order to
live together, the rabbi is not causing or
assisting in any sins.

Presumably, this applies to any
forbidden marriage. The couple will
live together regardless of whether the
rabbi officiates. However, here we may
need to distinguish between a forbidden
wedding in which a marriage takes effect
(kiddushin tofesim) and one in which the
prohibition is so severe that the couple
is never actually married (ein kiddushin
tofesim). For example, if a kohen marries
a divorcee, the marriage takes effect but
is forbidden. If two siblings marry each
other, the marriage does not take effect
and the violation occurs when the two live
together. If the marriage takes effect and
is forbidden, then the rabbi is assisting
the couple at the time of a prohibition
which constitutes mesayei’a. In an
intermarriage, the marriage does not take
effect so there is no immediate violation.
There is a violation on the wedding night
but that would happen even without the
rabbi or the wedding. However, when
the marriage does not take effect, any
blessings recited at the wedding would
be unnecessary and therefore forbidden.
If a rabbi adjusts the wedding ceremony
to avoid reciting actual blessings, such as
by reading biblical verses instead, he can
avoid this prohibition as well.
III. Encouraging the Sin
Rav Simcha Bamberger (19th cen.,
Germany) was asked whether a rabbi
may officiate at a wedding of a man
who divorced his wife civilly but not
religiously and now wants to remarry.
Technically a man may have two
wives but an early medieval decree —
Cherem Rabbeinu Gershom — forbids
it. Assuming the first wife does not
object to the arrangement, may a rabbi
officiate at a wedding in which the groom
violates Cherem Rabbeinu Gershom? Rav
Bamberger answers that it is problematic
because even if the rabbi does not violate
mesayei’a, the witnesses do because —
unlike the rabbi — they are essential to
the wedding ceremony. Additionally,
we must consider the impact on the
public of a rabbi associating with such
a violation. If a rabbi legitimizes this
kind of behavior, he offers religious
support to a sin. Indeed, over time the
public will become confused about what
is permissible and what is forbidden.
By officiating, the rabbi gives religious

license to forbidden marriages, which
not only encourages it but justifies it in
the eyes of the public (Responsa Zeicher
Simcha, no. 172).
All of the above seems a bit too technical.
Shouldn’t a Jew committed to Torah
be offended by attending a forbidden
wedding? We want fewer sins, not more of
them. Rav Moshe Schick (Hungary, 19th
cen.) was asked by a religious functionary
whose job was dependent on attending
the local synagogue whether he may stay
in his job after the synagogue removed
its mechitzah. Rav Schick replies that
it is forbidden to be in a place where
people are committing a sin. Among other
texts, he quotes the Mishnah (Makkos 5b)
that those who associate with sinners are
punished like sinners (Responsa Maharam
Schick, Orach Chaim, no. 71). According
to this view, it is forbidden for anyone to
attend a forbidden wedding.
While there are authorities who are a bit
more lenient on witnessing a sin, it is
improper to celebrate the commission of
a sin, i.e. the forbidden marriage, just like
we would not celebrate an unethical act.
How can people who believe that Torah
is the right path celebrate when someone
takes a wrong path? Granted, sometimes
it is necessary to be in an uncomfortable
situation for the sake of family or other
considerations, which should be done in
consultation with a rabbi, but ultimately
this is at most an occasion in which we
begrudgingly smile for the sake of peace.
We want our friends and loved ones to be
happy but in a way that is good for their
soul. Since officiating at or attending a
forbidden wedding constitutes a public
celebration of the union, it is a chillul
Hashem, a desecration of G-d’s name
to publicly celebrate the violation of
halachah.