08 Apr RABBI JOEY HABER’S APPROACH TO PESACH, MINHAGIM, AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Rabbi Joey Haber has emerged as a prominent voice of wisdom and guidance in today’s world, offering deep insights rooted in both his Syrian heritage and yeshivish Ashkenazi education. Raised in Deal, New Jersey, in a family deeply committed to Torah values and community service, he had the honor of studying under esteemed Torah giants such as Rav Reuven Feinstein shlita and Rav Dovid Soloveitchik zt”l. Their teachings helped shape his approach to Torah life and leadership.

As the rabbi of Magen David Shul in Flatbush and Beit Yosef Shul in Deal, Rabbi Haber has touched the hearts of tens of thousands across the globe with his impactful teachings. As the founder of Kesher, he delivers a powerful message on how to understand people facing different challenges at various ages and stages in life, and how to elevate them in whatever stage they are in. His words resonate deeply across all segments of Orthodox Judaism, emphasizing the importance of spiritual wealth over material gain.

Rabbi Haber’s extensive experience in chinuch and community leadership has equipped him with extraordinary sensitivity and insight in addressing the modern challenges faced by families today. His guidance on topics such as shalom bayis, parenting, and the responsible use of technology has earned him the respect and trust of many. Rabbi Haber’s ability to understand diverse perspectives while remaining steadfast in his commitment to Torah values makes his counsel indispensable as we navigate the complexities of the modern world.

Rabbi Haber’s influence extends online, with his lectures and shiurim on platforms like TorahAnytime.com & iTorah.com reaching a wide audience.

In a recent conversation with Ari Hirsch from The Jewish Vues, Rabbi Haber, a weekly columnist for The Jewish Vues, discussed his upbringing, education, and approach to Torah leadership. The rabbi also shared insights into the importance of mindset and staying motivated to grow spiritually. The discussion touched on Pesach-related questions and minhagim, concluding with some fun questions.

FAST FACTS
Name: Rabbi Yosef (Joey) Haber
Born in: Eretz Yisrael
Raised in: Deal, NJ
Parents’ Names: Rabbi Michael & Molly Haber. Rabbi Michael Haber zt”l, Rabbi Joey Haber’s father, was a great talmid chacham, leader, and author of many seforim. He served as a rabbi in both Brooklyn and Deal.
Siblings: 8 (A total of nine children in the family; Rabbi Joey Haber is the bechor.)
Wife/Rebbetzin: Marlene
Yeshivot Attended Growing Up:
• Lakewood Cheder (Elementary School): At the time, the school was located in the Legion Building and had only two classes per grade. Among Rabbi Haber’s classmates were the sons of Rav Yerucham Olshin shlita and Rav Dovid Schustal shlita.
• Mesivta & Beis Medrash: Studied under Rav Reuven Feinstein shlita in Staten Island for seven years.
• Eretz Yisrael: Learned under Rav Dovid Soloveitchik shlita.
• BMG, Lakewood: Learned for 10 years in Kollel after returning from Eretz Yisrael.
Received Semicha from: BMG
Currently Resides in: Brooklyn during the winter months and Deal during the summer.
Current Job: Rabbi of Magen David Shul, which was previously connected to the Magen David Yeshiva but is now independent. Additionally, the Rav runs an organization called Kesher, which helps high school graduates with separate divisions for boys and girls. The organization offers a variety of different programs for hundreds & hundreds of pretty modern kids get involved with learning after they graduate high school. Two years ago, Kesher started a girls’ seminary called Na’aleh. During the summer in Deal, the Rav also leads a shul called Beit Yosef.

BACKGROUND & CHINUCH

Please tell Jewish Vues readers about the Rav’s childhood.
I was born in Yerushalayim. My father, Rabbi Michael Haber zt”l, came from a less religious family but became Shomer Shabbos after attending Magen David Yeshiva. His cousins, who were
also Shomer Shabbos, helped him embrace this lifestyle. Over time, my father began learning more seriously, attending Magen David Elementary School, followed by Brooklyn Tech High School. My father than married my mother, Molly. On the night of their wedding, my mother made the decision to cover her hair, becoming one of the first women in the Syrian community to do so. She wore a ‘go-away suit’ and a hat, which she wore until she eventually switched to a scarf and then a wig.

A couple of years after their marriage, my parents moved to Eretz Yisrael, where my father learned at Porat Yosef for three years. My sister and I were born during that time. My parents later returned to the U.S. after my maternal grandmother tragically passed away in a car accident. After sitting Shiva in Eretz Yisrael, my mother returned to the U.S., and my parents moved to Deal when I was about two and a half years old.

When did the Rav move to Brooklyn?
My parents moved to Brooklyn around 22 years ago, and I moved there about 19 years ago. I grew up in Deal, attended Lakewood Cheder as a child, and then spent seven years at Staten Island Yeshiva for high school and Beis Medrash under Rabbi Reuven Feinstein shlita. After getting married, I had the zechut of learning under Rabbi Dovid Soloveitchik shlita in Eretz Yisrael for a year, followed by 10 years of learning at BMG in Lakewood before moving to Brooklyn.

Rabbi, you have a fascinating background. You’re Sephardic, yet you studied in multiple Ashkenazi yeshivot. How did a Sephardic boy from Deal end up learning at Rabbi Feinstein’s Yeshiva in Staten Island, in Eretz Yisrael with Rav Dovid Soloveitchik, and at BMG in Lakewood?
Growing up, my father studied in Eretz Yisrael before moving to Deal, where there were few options for separate schooling. As a result, I attended Lakewood Cheder, which was the only frum school available at the time. In the late seventies and early eighties, Lakewood Cheder was considered one of the most yeshivish schools in America, with many prominent families in my class, including the Rosh Yeshiva’s sons and children of famous Torah leaders. Some of the other students in my class included Rav Yerachmiel Olshin’s son and Rav Dovid Schussel’s son. This experience shaped my education and understanding of the Emes u’Mesorah, which has continued throughout my life.

Later, at the Staten Island Yeshiva, I learned under Rebbeim who were descendants of European Litvish Torah leaders. These formative years in various Ashkenazi yeshivot gave me a strong, authentic foundation in yeshivish education. All my Rebbeim’s Rebbeim were from Europe. When I moved to Brooklyn 19 years ago, I quickly began to work with the mainstream Syrian community. This broad background enables me to communicate effectively with both yeshivish and more modern audiences.

The Rav mentioned that he had the zechut of learning in the Yeshiva of Staten Island with Rav Reuven Feinstein shlita. What was your relationship like with the Rosh Yeshiva, and what are the most valuable lessons you learned from him?
Even back then, and even more so now, I consider myself very close to the Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Reuven Feinstein shlita, despite the fact that he didn’t give regular shiurim in Staten Island. I attended many shmoozim with him and asked him numerous shailos. One memorable moment was when I went to the Rosh Yeshiva’s office. When I identified myself as Yosef, Rabbi Feinstein shlita referred to me by my nickname, Joey, instead of Yosef.

I can think of four valuable lessons I learned from Rav Feinstein shlita:
1. His authenticity.
2. His objectivity. Rav Feinstein would approach topics from various angles, encouraging critical thinking and addressing underlying questions that others might overlook.

3. When discussing a topic, it was as if that subject was the only thing in the world. The Rosh Yeshiva’s common example was that when talking about Midas HaDin, it felt as if was the only about Midas HaDin, and when discussing Midas HaRachamim, it would be solely about Midas HaRachamim. The Rosh Yeshiva taught us how to integrate them all together.

4. The Rosh Yeshiva when it came to serving Klal Yisrael had no ego and no concern about how he would be perceived by the outside world. It was just about being there for Klal Yisrael.

Rabbi, I would like to discuss two topics that you often address: the importance of a person’s mindset and how people can grow spiritually. What is one simple daily practice that can help shift a person’s mindset toward gratitude and positivity?
Talk about it. Focus on the blessings you have in your life. Don’t dwell on complaining about how bad life is or how horrible the world seems. That only invites more negativity into your life. When you focus on the positive, you’re shifting your mind to a better place. Keep talking about your blessings and gratitude—try to maintain that mindset consistently. That would be my simple answer.

How can someone stay motivated to grow spiritually when they feel stuck in a routine and don’t see immediate results?
That’s a great question. I would say you need to set goals in order to have a sense of accomplishment. When you achieve something, it helps you feel good about your progress.

If you’re feeling stagnant, try finding new approaches. For example, learning a new mesechta or approaching halacha in a fresh way can bring you joy and foster spiritual growth in Torah and yiras shamayim. You can’t just stay in the same routine forever. Some people may be content doing the same thing every day for years, like finishing Daf Yomi four times, but many people struggle to maintain that, especially in the modern world we live in. If that’s the case, it’s important to introduce something new—whether it’s a new mesechta, a new chavrusah, or a new project to get involved in. Even starting a new chesed initiative could reignite excitement and foster growth.

PESACH THOUGHTS AND MINHAGIM

We are approaching Pesach with the news of the tragic events that occurred last Shabbat on Ocean Parkway involving the Saada family. How does one maintain Simchas Yom Tov for eight straight days while hearing about so many tragedies around the world?
It’s a good question, and I won’t pretend to have a complete answer. We have an obligation to be Nosei B’Ol Chaveiro (bearing the burden of our fellow). Yet, at the same time, we must do everything we can to maintain our own Simcha. In the past, Nosei B’Ol Chaveiro was somewhat limited because you didn’t have so many “chaveiros” — just people in your block or neighborhood. Today, we are so interconnected through media, phones, and news that we feel everyone’s pain constantly. It’s overwhelming. If we let it consume us, we might decide never to smile again.

I spoke in Boro Park this week, and when I mentioned the recent tragedy, the entire crowd said that over the weekend, they had cried. Now, the people of Boro Park are crying for something that happened in Flatbush, and we all feel the same way when something happens in Lakewood. We are so interconnected that we are always feeling pain from somewhere. Based on our relationship with the situation, that should determine how long we remain in the Nosei B’Ol Chaveiro state.

The Rav’s father, Rabbi Michael Haber Zecher Tzaddik L’vracha, was Nifter this past year. Can the Rav share something special about his Seder that was unique and that you’ll forever remember?
You’re going to make me cry. First of all, what was beautiful about my father is that he was a tremendous talmud chacham and was moser nefesh for Torah, a masmid in learning literally until the last day of his life. As you know, I told you about his childhood. From the background he came from to the person he became, and how he did that his whole life — it was literally unbelievable. At the same time, he was very, very relatable and easy be around.

What I would say more than anything is that he wasn’t just excited about delivering a long vort. It was much more about having a good debate about something. So, we’d have a discussion — maybe someone would ask a kasha about a part of the Haggadah and each of my brothers would give a different answer. Then their nephews, the grandchildren, would start to give their answers. The whole debating element was what I would say we enjoyed the most during the Seder.

What is the secret to keeping children engaged in the Seder?
It’s a great question. I would say the key is to make it a focus and realize that you don’t necessarily need long divrei Torah. Today, we have a million Haggados, and many of them contain wonderful, long divrei Torah that would be very enjoyable in a chaburah. But somehow, at a Seder, they’re not nearly as engaging.

So, I would say the number one thing to do at the Seder is, unless the environment and audience are suitable, avoid long-winded divrei Torah, because then you lose the table’s attention. Instead, say a quick vort that is engaging. Ask the kids questions, give them candies when they answer correctly, and let them share something. Also, avoid allowing a child to speak for too long. Often, these children come home from school excited to share what they’ve learned after weeks of preparation. But when they stand up and read a long piece, the rest of the table can lose focus. Keep it short and sweet to maintain engagement.

In the world of Chinuch, what is your take on the four sons? Do you see them as four distinct personalities, or do you think they represent one child at different stages of life?
They represent both. At times, they are four different sons, and there are certainly children who are never inspired, like the “She’aino Yodeah L’shol” (the one who doesn’t know how to ask). Some
children approach life very simply, others are more challenging, and then there are those who are phenomenally self-motivated and exceptional. So, I do think they are definitely four distinct sons.

At the same time, Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz’s perspective is also true: these four sons represent four different middot (character traits) within every person. Even the greatest genius has areas of their life where they might resemble the “She’aino Yodeah L’shol.” Sometimes, a person can be incredibly smart but struggle with something as simple as sending an email. There are people who excel in one area but are weak in others. So, both perspectives are valid. I think the Haggadah speaks about four different sons, but it’s also true that these are four different middot within one child, and even within one adult.

What would the Rav think Chazal would say about Klal Yisrael spending Pesach at luxury hotels, indulging in endless food and being waited on, instead of focusing on the true meaning of the Seder?
I’m not going to criticize half of the audience.

I’m not here to tell people what to do, but if you do choose to go away, there are things you can do, even though I’ve never spent Pesach away from home in my life. There are ways to make it feel more “Pesachdik.” I believe that there are things people can do to make it feel more meaningful, while still enjoying a vacation. Ultimately, it depends on the kind of home and children you want to raise, and that should guide the direction you choose.

PESACH MINHAGIM

Does someone in the Rav’s family hide ten pieces of bread before Bedikat Chametz?
Yes.

Does the Rav observe Taanis Bechorim?
Yes, we have a siyum.

Does the Rav rely on Heter Mechira? Does the Rav sell all his family’s chametz, or does the Rav completely get rid of it?
We sell only items that are not real chametz. The real chametz, we try to avoid.

Does the Rav personally sell the shul’s chametz to a non-Jew, or does someone else handle it?
No, I do it. A few of my brothers are Rabbanim in shuls as well, and we sort of sell it together to one goy.

Who in the Rav’s home typically wears a kitel at the Seder?
Syrians don’t wear kitels, so no one does.

Does the Rav eat gebrochts on Pesach?
Yes, all Syrians do.

Does the Rav eat kitniyot?
Yes, all Syrians do.

What does the Rav have on his families Seder plate?
We have the same things that Ashkenazim have: matzah, marror, charoses, chazeres, beitzah, the z’roah, and the celery.

How many people make Kiddush at the Rav’s Seder? Is it just the Rav, or do other people say Kiddush on their own?
Just me. We don’t each say our own Kiddush. In fact, Sephardim place a strong emphasis on being at their parents’ house. Even though I’ve been married for almost 30 years, I still have my first Seder at my father’s house. This year, I’m having my first Seder at my mother’s house, iy”h. Even though I have four married children, I still go to my parents for the first Seder. Not everyone does this, but many do. I would say it’s more common than among Ashkenazim. On average, an Ashkenazi makes a Seder in their home sooner than a Sephardi family does.

How many people say the Ma Nishtana at the table? Is it all the children, or just one child typically?
At our table, each child says it individually, and then everyone says it together. It’s funny because, growing up in Lakewood, I said the Ma Nishtana in Yiddish, even though my grandfather was very Syrian. A very interesting custom is that the oldest unmarried Syrian girl takes out the Kaarah before the Ma Nishtana, and after it, we ask her to bring it back. She responds, ‘I’m not going to bring it back until you answer the questions,’ and somehow, this is considered a segulah for getting married.”

Does the Rav dip his pinky in the wine while saying the makkos?
No, we do not dip our pinky into the wine. Instead, we pour the wine into a bucket or a similar container and add water. We use about half a bottle of wine for the 16 times we pour—Detzach Adash Beachav, Dam Veish Vashan, and the ten makkos. Additionally, we have a custom of not looking at the wine while saying the word ‘Matzilan,’ which means ‘save us,’ as we ask to be saved from any dangers that may come.

Does the Rav open the door for Eliyahu HaNavi when saying Shefoch Chamascha?
No, we do not open the door for Eliyahu HaNavi, nor do we have a Kos Eliyahu.

Does the Rav eat an egg at the Seder?
Yes, we eat the egg and the z’roah.

What does the Rav use for Karpas?
We use celery for Karpas.

Does someone in your family usually “steal” the afikomen?
Yes. I don’t think this is a Syrian minhag; it’s just something the kids enjoy doing because they want a prize.

Which Haggadah does the Rav plan on using this year for the Seder?
My brother, who lives in Lakewood, actually created a Haggadah. It’s beautiful, with great meforshim that are easy for anyone on any level to follow. We use that Haggadah, and everyone at the table uses the same one.

How does the Rav’s Seder typically end? Do you sing L’shana Haba’ah?
As most Syrian families do, we sing “Echad Mi Yodea” in Arabic at the end of the Seder. In my house, we don’t speak Arabic and we don’t really know it, but all my kids know how to sing “Echad Mi Yodea” in Arabic. It’s a very exciting & fun time.

Do Syrian families say Shir Hashirim after the Seder?
Some do, but not all of them. My son does.

Any other interesting Family Minhagim at the Seder that we did not mention?
1. At yachatz, we take the matzah we are going to hide and place it in the container where we will conceal it. Then, we throw it over our left shoulder while holding it with our right hand, saying the words “Misharatam, etc.,” which means they had a package over their shoulder and followed Moshe Rabbeinu’s instructions. Afterward, in Arabic, we ask, “Where are you coming from?” and we answer, “Mitzrayim.” “Where are you going to?” and we answer, “Yerushalayim.” “What are you carrying?” and we answer, “Matzah U’Maror.” It’s a tradition, and everyone around the table participates. Some families include only the men, while others include both men and women. It’s quite a lively experience, and almost everyone knows it by heart. The kids know it too.
2. We also break the middle matzah into the shapes of a daled and a vav. One piece is supposed to resemble a daled, and the other a vav. Almost no one gets it right, though—most people end up with a pile of pieces!

3. Another interesting minhag from my family comes from my grandfather. My namesake, Joe Haber a”h, used to do hand motions for each part of the Arabic Echad Mi Yodeah. He and some of the kids would stand up and do motions for every one of the makkot, and everyone would laugh.

A SIMCHA OF MIRACLES: RABBI HABER’S SON MICHAEL’S JOURNEY BACK TO YESHIVA

My son, Michael, suffered a stroke a week into the z’man at the Beis Medrash in BMG, Lakewood. His chavrusa suddenly got up and when he returned, my son Michael told him, “I can’t move my left arm, and I can’t see out of my left side.” His chavrusa suggested they take a walk, but Michael couldn’t get up. Before we knew it, Hatzalah was called, and his chavrusa, along with another person, carried him out of the Beis Medrash to a coat room. Hatzalah arrived quickly and rushed him to Jersey Shore Medical Center, where he was later transferred to Mount Sinai for emergency brain surgery. The surgery lasted three and a half hours, from midnight until 3:30 a.m. He spent several weeks in the hospital and rehab and eventually moved into his in-laws’ house, which is around the corner from mine, to continue his recovery.

Two weeks before Purim, he expressed a desire to return to Yeshiva. We all thought he would wait until after Pesach, but he was determined to go back. He moved back to Lakewood with his wife and two children. That night, he called me and said that when he returned home and entered his house, it felt like everything had come full circle. The next day, he went to the Beis Medrash and learned for almost the entire first Seder. At 1:30 p.m., as he was about to leave, the Rosh Chabura of his Chabura grabbed his hand and said, “Michael – You’re back. We have to do something. We have to make a Simcha.” He quickly gathered a few yungeleit, and within moments, the entire Beis Medrash was dancing in celebration around the shtenders. It felt like Simchas Torah.

I asked my son if there were any pictures or videos from the celebration, and he said that no one is allowed to have a cell phone in the Beis Medrash. Later, the COO of BMG reached out to tell me that, although there were no photos (since no one had their phones during the first Seder), they had footage from the surveillance cameras, showing the entire Beis Medrash dancing in joy. This was truly an emotional and unforgettable experience.

FUN QUESTIONS WITH RABBI JOEY HABER

What’s the greatest nachas a child can give a parent?

I think being the person the parent hoped they would be.

What’s the Rav’s favorite line in the Haggadah?
My favorite line in the Haggadah is when we say the bracha before drinking the second cup of wine, specifically the part of “Ge’al Yisrael.” There’s something special about it—we’ve completed Maggid, and we’ve done it right. It’s that same feeling you get at the end of Yom Kippur Maariv when you’re done, and you can say, “We did it!”

What line in the Haggadah bothers the Rav the most?
“B’Yad Chazakah Zu Hadever.” It bothers me because we don’t specify any of the plagues in detail. We mention them at the end, but suddenly “Yad Chazakah” is used to refer to the plague of Dever, which feels strange. Nowhere else in the Torah does “Yad Chazakah” refer to Dever, and I’m always looking for a teretz that has a very direct association between “Yad Chazakah” and Dever. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a great answer to that.

What time does the Rav’s Seder typically end?
It usually ends of being at two o’clock. We try to do the afikomen by chatzos, so around one o’clock. But after the afikomen, we still have to bench, drink the third cup, do Hallel, and sing songs at the end.
If the Rav could witness one of the ten plagues, which one would it be?
Arov: As a child, I was always curious—were these wild animals just driving people crazy? Were they killing them? But honestly, I’d love to see all the plagues. The ones I’m most curious about are Tzefardea, Barad, and Choshech.

If the Rav could attend any Gadol’s Seder, whose would it be?
I’d want to attend the Seder of any Rishon. I’m curious if their Seder was anything like ours—did they dwell on every word or just move through it quickly? I’d love to see what their Seder was like 600 or 700 years ago.

If Eliyahu Hanavi actually showed up at the Rav’s door, what’s the first thing you would say to him?
I would say, “You have no idea how much Klal Yisrael has been waiting for you!!”

If the Rav could invite three people from any time in history to your Seder, who would it be?
Avraham Avinu, Moshe Rabbeinu, and Dovid HaMelech.

Does the Rav have the minhag of giving his wife a gift Erev Yom Tov?
Many people do, but it’s not considered an official minhag.

What’s the Rav’s favorite Masechta?
Mesechta Brachos. When I was in ninth grade at Yeshiva Staten Island, they had two Beki’os programs—one for a more difficult masechta, like Bava Basra, and one for a lighter one, like Brachos. The yeshiva tried to convince all the ninth graders to do the easier one, and me being a good kid who listened, I did what they said. A few weeks in, I realized that all the better bochrim were in Bava Basra, and I felt bad that I had agreed to do the lighter one. I stayed there because I felt stuck, but not because I felt like I belonged there. Years later, when I became a Rav, I started to speak, and Brachos ended up becoming an unbelievably relevant masechta to everything I do. Having learned it so well in ninth grade was like Hashem setting me up for what He knew I would be doing in the future.

Name someone alive whom the Rav would call a leader:
Rav Yerucham Olshin shlita. Even though Rav Yerucham Olshin is not the head of the Roshei Yeshivos in Lakewood, he has still become a tremendous influence on the bnei yeshiva and the entire Klal Yisrael. I find that kind of leadership incredibly impressive.

What is the most difficult Mitzvah to perform?
To avoid Lashon Hara.

What’s the Rav’s favorite Yom Tov?
It’s funny—whichever Yom Tov is in the current season feels like my favorite. For spring, there’s nothing like Pesach. For summer, nothing beats Shavuos. For the fall, there’s nothing like Sukkos. And for winter, nothing compares to Chanukah.

Fill in the blank: The secret to having Shalom Bayit within a family is _______.
Understanding each other. Not just communication, love, respect, and compromise, but deeply understanding the other person.

Fill in the blank: When Moshiach comes _______.
There will be so much that we’ll finally understand.