04 Jun NASO: TORAH COMES FIRST
(I once sat with a couple that
was struggling in their
marriage and came to me for
help. The core of the problem
was that the wife did not get
along with her mother-in-law
(not an uncommon
phenomenon…)
After speaking with them for a short while, it
became clear to me that the wife did not feel
her husband supported her. I turned to him
and said that he needs to make it clear to his
wife that he is behind her unconditionally.
The wife then said, “The truth is, I’m not even
sure that he would choose me over his
mother.”
The husband responded, “Why do I have to
choose? Why can’t I have both? Why can’t I
love my wife and my mother?”
This response might sound reasonable, but in
my opinion, this was the COMPLETELY
WRONG thing to say in that setting.
Of course, he is correct – a person should
want to love and be devoted to his or her
spouse as well as his or her parents. But the
husband missed the point entirely.
His wife needed to hear him say that if it ever
happened that such a choice had to be made,
there was no question in his mind whatsoever
that he would choose his wife. The husband
needed to say that. Saying that does not mean
that he wants to choose. It means that his wife
is his top priority, above everything else in the
world.
The same is true of Torah, as well.
The Mishna in Pirkeh Avot (6:10) tells that
Rabbi Yossi ben Kisma was once offered an
enormous fortune of money to leave his city
– a city of Torah scholars – to go live
somewhere else, a place where there was no
Torah. He replied: “If you give me all the
silver, gold, jewels and diamonds in the
world, I will not live anywhere except a place
of Torah!!!”
There is nothing wrong with money. There is
nothing wrong with wealth. There is nothing
wrong with comforts, luxuries, and vacations.
But one thing has to be crystal clear in our
minds: IF WE EVER NEED TO CHOOSE,
WE CHOOSE TORAH. This must be our
highest priority.
When we pray, we speak to Hashem. But
when we learn, we hear Hashem speaking to
us. And there is nothing more precious than
that. Torah learning is life-changing. It uplifts,
it inspires, it gives us direction and gives us
meaning and purpose. After spending time
learning, we are exhilarated. We are energized.
There is nothing more valuable.
Our children need to know that this is our
highest priority, that this is the most important
thing to us.
Our children need to know that what matters
to us more than anything else is that we and
they learn Torah.
This is not to say that other things shouldn’t
matter to us. A lot of things matter. But on our
scale of priorities, NOTHING IN THE
WORLD CAN EVER BE HIGHER THAN
TORAH!!!
It is told that President John F. Kennedy once
bought an expensive Rolex for his daughter,
Caroline.
The next day, when Caroline came back from
school, her mother noticed that instead of the
Rolex, she had on her wrist a simple, pink,
little-kid watch.
“What happened to your watch?!!” she
shouted.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Caroline said. “My
friend had this really pretty pink watch which
I really liked, and she said we could trade.”
“WHAT?!!!?” her mother screamed. “You
traded a Rolex for a $1 kids watch?!!?!”
Unfortunately, this is something we all do. We
trade a “Rolex” – something beautiful and
precious – for things of little value. We trade
opportunities to learn, to hear Hashem
speaking to us, to hear profound wisdom and
teachings, for movies, or for cute videos sent
to us on WhatsApp. We trade the privilege of
connecting with Hashem through the study of
Torah, for vanity.
The holiday of Shavuot, when we celebrate
Matan Torah, the time when we were given
the Torah at Sinai, reminds us that Torah must
be our very highest priority. It reminds us that
although we might be interested in a lot of
different things, and they may all be important
and valuable, nothing is more valuable than
Torah.
We hope never to have to choose between
Torah and the other things in life which we
enjoy and which are important to us. But if we
ever do have to choose, the choice must be
absolutely clear: Torah always comes first.