17 Jun A SUMMER WARNING

When a boy is born, we
wait eight days before
making a bris. While we
might take this for granted,
it is still very surprising.
The eight-day wait is
not for medical reasons.
Many hospitals routinely
circumcise boys before
sending them home. And, since it is not for
safety purposes, it behooves us to wonder why
we wait eight days to seal this vital pact between
our baby boys and Hashem. It doesn’t seem
to be something that we should want to put off
even one moment more than necessary especially
since the Gemora tells us that the foreskin is
considered mi’us, loathsome.
The Medrash says that we wait eight days to
ensure that the baby will experience a Shabbos
before the bris. As the Medrash puts it, we
introduce the child to the Matronisa, the Shabbos
Matron first. However, the Gemora in Masechtas
Niddah gives another explanation. In the times
of the Talmud when a woman gave birth to a boy,
she was forbidden to her husband for the first

seven days and then permitted for the next thirty-
three days. (Nowadays, the halachah is radically

different.) Therefore, the Gemora continues, if
the bris were to take place during the first seven
days of the baby’s lifetime, those who attended
the circumcision ceremony would be joyous, but
the mother and father – since they are forbidden
one to another – would be sad. Therefore, the

Gemora concludes, Hashem made the bris on the
eighth day when mom and dad are once again
permitted to one another so that they too can be
in a joyous spirit at the celebration of the bris of
their son.
Rav Fryeman, Shlit”a, of Yerushalayim, shared
with me the following sharp lesson to be learned
from this Gemora. When a bris is b’zmano, on
time, and it falls out on Shabbos, it supercedes
even the Holy Shabbos. Further, even if the eighth
day falls out on Shabbos Yom Kippur, the holiest
possible combination in the Jewish calendar, the
great mitzvah of bris milah supercedes even this
rarified duo. Yet, when it comes to a question of
Shalom Bais, the joy between husband and wife,
we push off a bris – not one day but all the way
until the eighth day – in order to facilitate joy
between husband and wife. This shows how high
is the regard that Hashem gives to the pursuit of
happiness between man and his partner.
Having said this, I’d like to discuss a certain
pitfall to marital harmony that surfaces during
the leisurely summer months. Jogging, brisk
walking, or just casual strolls are very much
in vogue lately. And for a very good reason.
Running is a wonderful mode of exercise that is
a fulfillment of the mitzvah of, “V’nishmartem
meod es nafshoseichem — To guard exceedingly
your health.” If the jogging helps to take-off
some pounds, then that’s a wonderful additionally
benefit. When you have walking partners who
are good friends and you enjoy talking with, this
makes the activity a sheer delight. Indeed, we

find especially among Orthodox women that
walking has become one of the most favored
types of diversions and relaxations.
It is referring to this pastime that I would like
to issue the following strong warning. Don’t
succumb to talking to your friends about your
husband. While this might seem a very natural
thing for a woman who is having some domestic
blues, it is completely wrong. Let me explain.
Firstly, the Torah commands us not to divulge
secrets. Private matters between husband and
wife are in the category of the most sacred
secrets. Furthermore, one of the foundations
of marriage is loyalty, and loyalty to one’s
husband includes not divulging his shortcomings
to others. Remember the words of Hillel, “Ma
d’sani loch l’chavreich, lo sa’avid — What you
would not like, don’t do to someone else,” and
you sure wouldn’t like it if your husband went
around talking about your maladies. The very
first praise in the Aaishes Chayil song is Batach
bah leiv Bahla-Her husband has complete trust in
his wife! Don’t trespass upon that trust!
But, there is even a more pressing reason why this
kind of talk is a very bad idea. Many marriages
have been ruined by the well-meaning but poor
advice of friends. If you are having marital
difficulties and must speak with someone, by all
means do so. But, speak to a professional who is
trained and can refer to many similar cases from
his or her experience to aid them in identifying
the right advice for you. Go to a wise Rav or
Rosh Yeshiva, or ask them to recommend to you

the proper shomer Torah u’mitzvos therapist.
But don’t – I repeat don’t – take such advice
from kind and loving amateurs. So, speak about
children, recipes, styles, recreation, and any
other non-Lashon Hora topic, but don’t speak
about your mate.
The same thing is true for husbands whose wife’s
might be vacationing in the mountains and they
are eating dinner with their friends in the city.
Do not talk about your wife. This should be an
untouchable subject.
In the merit of our efforts towards the great
goal of Shalom Bais, may Hashem bless us
with renewed vitality in our marriages, together
with good health, happiness, and everything
wonderful.