26 May PARSHA IN PRACTICE: SKILLS FOR BETTER LIVING NASO – NAME DROPPING

How far are we willing
to go for peace?
One of the intriguing
topics in the Torah’s
longest parshah is the
sotah, a woman accused
of infidelity. The suspicious husband must
remain separate from his wife until she can
be exonerated by drinking the “bitter waters.”
The process of preparing this powerful potion
includes dissolving a piece of parchment
which contains the curses that will befall the
sotah if she is, in fact, guilty. Even though
these words come from verses which bear the
Name of Hashem, the Torah instructs that
they be destroyed to allow for the possibility
of clearing her of all charges. Remarkably,
Hashem is willing to erase His own Name for
the sake of shalom bayis, helping the couple
take the first step toward rebuilding their
relationship (Sukkah 53b).
Rav Chaim Volozhiner zt”l elaborated that,
through this process, Hashem is modeling
just how far we must go to preserve and foster
peace. Maintaining harmony between any
two people is a difficult task. Relationships
inevitably involve different personalities,
opinions, and emotions, and sometimes one
misunderstanding or poorly-timed comment
can drive friends or loved ones to opposite
ends of the earth. In order to ensure that
peace prevails, we must be willing to “erase
our names” – to minimize ourselves, set aside
our ego, and at times even endure a degree of
personal indignity.
What does this look like on a practical level?
In our own relationships, it might mean
withholding a biting comeback or absorbing
an insult instead of escalating the hostility
further. In the heat of conflict, it can feel
almost unbearable to let the other person
have “the last word,” but reconciliation often
requires one side to prioritize the relationship
over being right.
When helping mediate shalom among
others, “erasure” can take a different form
– selflessly investing time, energy, and
emotional bandwidth to help repair a strained
relationship. Those caught in the middle of
conflict often feel drained, frustrated, and
sometimes even attacked themselves. Perhaps
this is why Chazal chose the imagery of a kettle
to symbolize peace (Berachos 56b). Much like
an arbiter of conflict, a pot allows opposing
forces, fire and water, to coexist productively –
all while tolerating intense heat and becoming
blackened in the process (Mekor Baruch vol.
3, 19:7).
Promoting peace, whether in our own
relationships or when helping others, requires
a willingness to sacrifice and to diminish – to
“erase” part of our own name – for something
greater. Hashem demonstrated just how far
one must be willing to go for the sake of peace.
Rav Chaim concluded that every time we

take three steps back before reciting “oseh
shalom bimromav”, it serves as a reminder:
we must be willing to walk out of our way –
even backwards – in order to create shalom.
Improving relationships requires asking:
Where can I take a step back? Where can I

give a little more, absorb a little more, or let
something go – not because I have to, but
because peace is worth it?
Peace doesn’t come from asserting our name,
but from knowing when to erase it – and step
back.