02 Feb OUT OF THIS WORLD

In Parshas Yisro we see the topic of respecting your father and mother so that you merit to live a long life. The Chinuch in Mitzvah 33 says that the reason why one should respect his parents is to recognize that he owes a debt of gratitude for bringing him into this world. The parents worked very hard to raise the child. By recognizing this, the person will learn to show proper hakoras hatov to Hashem. The Chayei Adam Vol 1:67 brings a Yerushalmi Peah 1:5 that says all mitzvos a child is required to do for his/her parents is a payment of debt for all the good the parents did for him. One who is not mechabed his/her parents is called a rasha, the same way a person who borrows money and does not repay is called a rasha. Bais Shamai and Bais Hillel argued for two and half years, as discussed in Gemara Eiruvin 13b, whether or not it was good for a person to have been created. They came to the conclusion that it would have been better for a person not to be created. Now that the person was created, he is required to keep all mitzvos properly. This is the reason we say the bracha “shelo asani isha” and we don’t say it in the positive way “she’asani ish,” to show that it is better for the person not to have been created. The Chasam Sofer points out, based on this gemara, that it seems contradictory to the above requirement of hakaras hatov for parents as part of the mitzva of kibud av va’aim as seen in the Ramban in Parshas Kedoshim and Rambam Peah 1:1. Why does a person have to show hakaras hatov to his/her parents who brought him into this world when it would have been better if he/she had not been created at all? In order to answer the first question, we can add another question: how could Chazal say it is better not to have been created when the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva says the punishment is greater when a person’s nefesh is destroyed completely from this world? A person is born with a yetzer hora and will sin; nevertheless, a person is never judged for more than twelve months and afterwards the neshama goes up to Gan Eden. The exception to this is Poshei Yisroel begufan, whose body is destroyed and will never come back for techiyas hameisim. It would seem that it is good for a person to be created for he will ultimately go to Olam Haba. That is the reason, says the Rema in 376, that one does not say kaddish for a parent for more than eleven months so as not to implicate and to show that the parent is considered a rasha. As a matter of fact, we say that the Gehinom’s fire cannot obliterate a Yid. We see this from the Mizbeach hazahav that had a thin layer of gold and yet the fire never destroyed it. We therefore must explain that the machlokes between Bais Shamai and Bais Hillel is only referring to those neshamos that come back on this world as a gilgul. Is it better for the neshama to become better on this world, or maybe the opposite happens, and it would have been better for the person just to be in Gehinom and be cleansed once and for all? A person is obligated to show hakaras hatov to his parents for bringing him into this world. The parents may also be from a previous gilgul. By educating and raising their child, the parents may be doing the child a favor so as not to have Gehinom cleanse him, but rather by doing mitzvos and becoming a better person and avoiding Gehinom altogether. That is the hakoras hatov one should show his/her parents. A second tirutz could be based on Tosfos in Eiruvin 13b which says that the Gemara that says that it is not good for a person to be created is speaking about the average person. On the contrary, a tzaddik is praiseworthy and so is his generation. It would seem that the only way a person is not better off being created is only because of his own activities, but as far as the parents are concerned, they want to and try to raise a tzaddik, so therefore one has to show hakaros hatov. The third tirutz is based on Reb Yisroel Salanter that says there are two ways of serving Hashem. Everyone agrees that a person must be born and created. The difference is how one should serve Hashem. There are two different ways to do so. He may close himself up in a room and just serve Hashem alone and the world will not get any benefit from him. In this case, it would seem that it may have been better were he not created. Another way would be for a person who is me’urav bein habriyos and would be an asset to the world at large to get involved with the people and world around him. In this case, it is better for him to have been created. At the end, both Bais Shamai and Bais Hillel agree that now that a person was created, he must serve Hashem by being meurav bein habriyos. Additionally, he would have a chiyuv of kiruv. Finally, he has an obligation of showing hakaras hatov to his parents! The fourth tirutz is that we find that we show hakaras hatov to Mitzrayim for hosting us, despite the fact they caused us a lot of pain. Parents give us so much good, despite the fact that maybe it would have been better not to have been born. Nevertheless, one must show hakaras hatov! The fifth and final tirutz is that kibbud av is listed on the luchos on the side of bein adam lamakom and therefore it is not just hakaras hatov to the parents, but rather hakaras hatov to Hashem. This is the reason that Yaakov was punished for the twenty-two years he was not mechabed Yitzchok, despite the fact that Yitzchok was mochel him. Yaakov was lacking in the fact that kibud av v’aim was also a mitzvah bein adam lamakom, and therefore he was still punished. May we be zocheh to do the mitzvah of kibbud av ve’aim and hakaras hatov to Hashem properly!