08 Mar 3 KEYS TO BEING HAPPY

When the

Founding Fathers

included

the pursuit of

happiness as an

American right

and entitlement,

it is almost as if they conceded that

happiness can be pursued, but it is unlikely

to ever be attained. If you look

around, you can’t help but notice that

for many, the pursuit has grown tiring

and indeed, many have given up. In

the last twenty years, there has been

an astounding increase in antidepressant

use by Americans. One might

even suggest that the growing effort to

legalize marijuana nationally is driven

by a community eager to find pleasure

and happiness, even if it is by escaping

reality.

In 2006, Harvard psychologist

Daniel Gilbert wrote a book called

“Stumbling on Happiness.” In it, he

argues that the things and experiences

we typically predict and imagine will

bring us happiness, rarely do. Rather,

he says, happiness is elusive, and we

should learn from how others have

stumbled upon it. The first part of his

thesis is undeniable. Study after study

has concluded that money, fame, and

power not only don’t contribute to

happiness, but often are obstacles to

and detractors from experiencing it.

So how do we finally attain it?

1) Happiness is not an emotion; it is

a decision. Stop waiting passively

to feel it and start actively choosing

to be it.

In Parshas Ki Savo, the Torah says,

u’vau kol ha’berachos ha’eleh,

v’hisigucha, which literally translates

as “All these blessings will come

upon you and overtake you.” What

does it mean v’hisigucha, to be overtaken

by blessing? Rav Shlomo Yosef

Zevin explains that Hashem gives

each of us beracha, a blessing in our

lives. That blessing can manifest itself

in all types of form – material

possessions, meaningful relationships,

special skills, wonderful opportunities,

family, and the list could go

on and on. The first blessing is the

particular gift. But even more important

and an even greater blessing is

v’hisigucha…to recognize, appreciate

and acknowledge the blessing.

Simcha, happiness, occurs when

we make the decision to focus on the

blessings in our lives, no matter how

challenging or formidable the struggles

we face simultaneously. If our

happiness results from the blessings

we already have, we can always find

happiness because we always have at

least something. But if our happiness

is determined by what we don’t have,

“If only I had more money, a nicer

house, a better job, a more loving

spouse, more loyal children, etc.” we

will never be happy because we can

always have more. Therefore, by definition,

there will always be something

we don’t have.

The decision to be b’simcha, happy,

doesn’t only affect us but it can positively

influence our environment and

family. Dr. Nicholas Christakis, a

physician at Harvard Medical School,

authored a study that concludes that

happiness, scientifically speaking, is

literally contagious. The same way a

person yawning causes others to also

begin to yawn, when one person

smiles or is happy, it is infectious and

draws smiles and happiness from others.

It has been suggested homiletically

that the etymology of the word simcha

comes from sam-mo’ach, focus your

thoughts. Make the decision to be

happy and the feeling will follow.

2) Happiness comes from giving,

not from getting. It comes from being

a giver, not a taker.

After many years concentrating on

what makes people depressed, social

scientists are now beginning to study

what makes people happy. Their answer

is counter-intuitive. Paradoxically,

it turns out the biggest obstacle

to achieving happiness is our own

pursuit of it. When happiness is defined

by our needs, our wants, and our

desires, it will remain elusive and unattainable

for we will never have everything.

Instead, studies show that

people report better health and greater

happiness when they volunteer for a

worthwhile cause or spend time helping

others. Moreover, studies have

shown the efficacy of volunteering

and helping in combating depression.

Happiness does not result from a

focus inward, but it results from the

deep satisfaction and profound gratification

of imitating Hashem and helping

others. At the end of Hilchos Megillah

(2:17), the Rambam makes an

incredible comment. He asks, if a

person has limited funds and has to

choose between having a more lavish

and luxurious Purim meal, more extravagant

and impressive mishloach

manos, or giving more matanos

l’evyonim, money to the poor, what

should he do and why?

The Rambam codifies that the resources

should be dedicated to helping

the indigent and poor because Purim

is about simcha and there is no

greater happiness than bringing joy to

others, especially the underprivileged.

Someone once wrote to the

Lubavitcher Rebbe z’l in a state of

deep depression and hopelessness.

The letter essentially said, “I would

like the Rebbe’s help. I wake up each

day sad and apprehensive. I can’t concentrate.

I find it hard to pray. I keep

the commandments, but I find no spiritual

satisfaction. I go to the synagogue

but I feel alone. I begin to wonder

what life is about. I need help.”

The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply

back that did not use even a single

word. He simply circled the first word

of every sentence in the letter and sent

it back. The author of the letter understood,

and he was on the path to greater

happiness and hope. The circled

word at the beginning of each sentence

was ‘I’.

A self-centered person, a taker, can

never be happy in life because they

could never take enough. Givers find

joy in doing for others and therefore

have great access to happiness because

there are always ample opportunities

to give.

3) Surrender control and let go, let

G-d.

Several summers ago, on a visit to

Israel, I decided to go skydiving and

to appreciate our homeland from a

new perspective. After a comprehensive

five minutes of instruction, I was

taken up in a tiny plane that if I wasn’t

crazy enough to jump out of, I was

crazy to get into. With a soft helmet

on, and goggles on my face, they

placed me with my feet dangling off

the side of the airplane. We were

12,000 feet in the air and the beautiful

land of Israel was a fuzzy blur. I vividly

remember leaning over and looking

down and feeling like I couldn’t

breathe.

Before I could have second

thoughts, I felt a nudge and out of the

plane I went. I was heading towards

Mother Earth travelling over 100

miles an hour. The wind was rushing

all around me, my arms and legs were

extended, and I think I tasted my

spleen. For a brief moment, I felt panicked.

“This is absolutely nuts, what

kind of crazy, insane person does

this?” I thought to myself. I started to

get scared, worried and anxious and

then I remembered.

Immediately behind me, attached

by numerous metal latches and clips,

was a big Israeli man who trains paratroopers

in the Israeli army and who

does these jumps around 8–10 times a

day. We jumped in tandem and the

moment I remembered that he literally

had my back, I felt the biggest relief

and was able to enjoy the rest of this

remarkable experience.

The difference between a miserable,

painful, anxious experience and

the experience of my life, was remembering

there was someone who had

my back and who knew what he was

doing. Six thousand feet and forty

five seconds into the jump, he pulled

the cord, the chute released, we sat up

in the harness and for the next 10 minutes

had the most extraordinary ride

over Israel, checking out our magnificent

homeland from the sky and giving

Israel a huge virtual hug.

We need to take initiative, put forth

our best efforts, and do everything we

can to bring positive outcomes in our

lives. However, believing that we can

control and manipulate every outcome

and result places impossible

stress and pressure that preclude our

ability to experience happiness. There

is nothing more liberating, cathartic

and joyful than doing our best, and

then letting go of our need to control

and allowing Hashem to do the rest.

No matter how hard we try and

what kind of effort we produce, our

lives are going to inevitably and invariably

throw curveballs our way.

The difference between panicking

anxiously or enjoying the ride is our

ability to let go. Perhaps this is what

the pasuk means when it tells us,

“Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha, serve

Hashem with joy.” The greatest service

of Hashem is feeling the simcha

that can only come by recognizing

that He has our back so we can enjoy

the ride.

Stop pursuing happiness and

start experiencing it.