04 Mar 3 KEYS TO BEING HAPPY

When the Founding
Fathers included the
pursuit of happiness as
an American right and
entitlement, it is almost
as if they conceded that
happiness can be
pursued, but it is unlikely to ever be attained.
If you look around, you can’t help but notice
that for many, the pursuit has grown tiring
and indeed, many have given up. In the last
twenty years, there has been an astounding
increase in antidepressant use by Americans.
One might even suggest that the growing
effort to legalize marijuana nationally is
driven by a community eager to find pleasure
and happiness, even if it is by escaping
reality.
In 2006, Harvard psychologist Daniel
Gilbert wrote a book called “Stumbling on
Happiness.” In it, he argues that the things
and experiences we typically predict and
imagine will bring us happiness, rarely do.
Rather, he says, happiness is elusive, and we
should learn from how others have stumbled
upon it. The first part of his thesis is
undeniable. Study after study has concluded
that money, fame, a power not only don’t
contribute to happiness, but often are
obstacles to and detractors from experiencing
it. So how do we finally attain it?
1) Happiness is not an emotion; it is a
decision. Stop waiting passively to feel it
and start actively choosing to be it.
In Parshas Ki Savo, the Torah says, u’vau
kol ha’berachos ha’eleh v’hisigucha, which
literally translates as “All these blessings
will come upon you and overtake you.”
What does it mean v’hisigucha, to be
overtaken by blessing? Rav Shlomo Yosef
Zevin explains that Hashem gives each of us
beracha, blessing in our lives. That blessing
can manifest itself in all types of form –
material possessions, meaningful
relationships, special skills, wonderful
opportunities, family, and the list could go
on and on. The first blessing is the particular
gift. But even more important and an even

greater blessing is v’hisigucha…to
recognize, appreciate and acknowledge the
blessing.
Simcha, happiness, occurs when we make
the decision to focus on the blessings in our
lives, no matter how challenging or
formidable the struggles we face
simultaneously. If our happiness results
from the blessings we already have, we can
always find happiness because we always
have at least something. But if our happiness
is determined by what we don’t have, “If
only I had more money, a nicer house, a
better job, a more loving spouse, more loyal
children, etc.” we will never be happy
because we can always have more.
Therefore, by definition, there will always
be something we don’t have.
The decision to be b’simcha, happy, doesn’t
only affect us but it can positively influence
our environment and family. Dr. Nicholas
Christakis, a physician at Harvard Medical
School, authored a study that concludes that
happiness, scientifically speaking, is literally
contagious. The same way a person yawning
causes others to also begin to yawn, when
one person smiles or is happy, it is infectious
and draws smiles and happiness from others.
It has been suggested homiletically that the
etymology of the word simcha comes from
sam-mo’ach, focus your thoughts. Make the
decision to be happy and the feeling will
follow.
2) Happiness comes from giving, not
from getting. It comes from being a giver,
not a taker.
After many years concentrating on what
makes people depressed, social scientists are
now beginning to study what makes people
happy. Their answer is counter-intuitive.
Paradoxically, it turns out the biggest
obstacle to achieving happiness is our own
pursuit of it. When happiness is defined by
our needs, our wants, and our desires, it will
remain elusive and unattainable for we will
never have everything. Instead, studies
show that people report better health and

greater happiness when they volunteer for
a worthwhile cause or spend time helping
others. Moreover, studies have shown the
efficacy of volunteering and helping in
combating depression.
Happiness does not result from a focus
inward, but it results from the deep
satisfaction and profound gratification of
imitating G-d and helping others. At the
end of Hilchos Megillah (2:17), the
Rambam makes an incredible comment.
He asks, if a person has limited funds and
has to choose between having a more lavish
and luxurious Purim meal, more extravagant
and impressive mishloach manos, or giving
more matanos l’evyonim, money to the
poor, what should he do and why?
The Rambam codifies that the resources
should be dedicated to helping the indigent
and poor because Purim is about simcha and
there is no greater happiness than bringing
joy to others, especially the underprivileged.
Someone once wrote to the Lubavitcher
Rebbe z’l in a state of deep depression and
hopelessness. The letter essentially said, “I
would like the Rebbe’s help. I wake up each
day sad and apprehensive. I can’t
concentrate. I find it hard to pray. I keep the
commandments, but I find no spiritual
satisfaction. I go to the synagogue but I feel
alone. I begin to wonder what life is about. I
need help.”
The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply back that
did not use even a single word. He simply
circled the first word of every sentence in
the letter and sent it back. The author of the
letter understood, and he was on the path to
greater happiness and hope. The circled
word at the beginning of each sentence was
‘I’.
A self-centered person, a taker, can never be
happy in life because they could never take
enough. Givers find joy in doing for others
and therefore have great access to happiness
because there are always ample opportunities
to give.
3) Surrender control and let go, let G-d.
Several summers ago, on a visit to
Israel, I decided to go skydiving and to
appreciate our homeland from a new
perspective. After a comprehensive five
minutes of instruction, I was taken up in
a tiny plane that if I wasn’t crazy enough
to jump out of, I was crazy to get into.
With a soft helmet on, and goggles on
my face, they placed me with my feet
dangling off the side of the airplane. We
were 12,000 feet in the air and the
beautiful land of Israel was a fuzzy blur.
I vividly remember leaning over and
looking down and feeling like I couldn’t
breathe.
Before I could have second thoughts, I
felt a nudge and out the plane I went. I

was heading towards Mother Earth travelling
over 100 miles an hour. The wind was
rushing all around me, my arms and legs
were extended, and I think I tasted my
spleen. For a brief moment, I felt panicked.
“This is absolutely nuts, what kind of crazy,
insane person does this?” I thought to
myself. I started to get scared, worried and
anxious and then I remembered.
Immediately behind me, attached by
numerous metal latches and clips, was a big
Israeli man who trains paratroopers in the
Israeli army and who does these jumps
around 8–10 times a day. We jumped in
tandem and the moment I remembered that
he literally had my back, I felt the biggest
relief and was able to enjoy the rest of this
remarkable experience.
The difference between a miserable, painful,
anxious experience and the experience of
my life, was remembering there was
someone who had my back and who knew
what he was doing. Six thousand feet and
forty five seconds into the jump, he pulled
the cord, the chute released, we sat up in the
harness and for the next 10 minutes had the
most extraordinary ride over Israel, checking
out our magnificent homeland from the sky
and giving Israel a huge virtual hug.
We need to take initiative, put forth our best
efforts, and do everything we can to bring
positive outcomes in our lives. However,
believing that we can control and manipulate
every outcome and result places impossible
stress and pressure that preclude our ability
to experience happiness. There is nothing
more liberating, cathartic and joyful than
doing our best, and then letting go of our
need to control and allowing G-d do the rest.
No matter how hard we try and what kind of
effort we produce, our lives are going to
inevitably and invariably throw curveballs
our way. The difference between panicking
anxiously or enjoying the ride is our ability
to let go. Perhaps this is what the pasuk
means when it tells us, “Ivdu es Hashem
b’simcha, serve Hashem with joy.” The
greatest service of Hashem is feeling the
simcha that can only come by recognizing
that He has our back so we can enjoy the
ride.
Stop pursuing happiness and start
experiencing it.