17 Feb 3 KEYS TO BEING HAPPY

Stop pursuing it and
start experiencing it.
When the Founding
Fathers included the
pursuit of happiness as
an American right and
entitlement, it is
almost as if they conceded that happiness
can be pursued, but it is unlikely to ever be
attained. If you look around, you can’t help
but notice that for many, the pursuit has
grown tiring and indeed, many have given
up. In the last 20 years, there has been an
astounding increase in antidepressant use by
Americans.
In 2006, Harvard psychologist Daniel
Gilbert wrote a book called Stumbling on
Happiness. In it, he argues that the things
and experiences we typically predict and
imagine will bring us happiness, rarely do.
Rather, he says, happiness is elusive and we
should learn from how others have stumbled
upon it. The first part of his thesis is
undeniable. Study after study has concluded
that money, fame, and power not only don’t
contribute to happiness, but often are
obstacles to and detractors from experiencing
it.

As we find ourselves in the first of two
months characterized by happiness and in
which we are charged to be marbeh
b’simcha, increase and expand our joy, it is
worth asking ourselves: what are the true
keys to happiness?
Here are three suggestions from Torah
sources for finding happiness.
1. Happiness is not an emotion; it is a
decision. Stop waiting passively to feel it
and start actively choosing to be it.
The Torah says, “All these blessings will
come upon you and overtake you” (Deut.
28:2). What does it mean to be overtaken by
blessing? Rabbi Shlomo Yosef Zevin
explains that G-d gives each of us blessing
in our lives. That blessing can manifest itself
in all types of form – material possessions,
meaningful relationships, special skills,
wonderful opportunities, family, and the list
could go on and on. The first blessing is the
particular gift. But an even greater blessing
is to recognize, appreciate and acknowledge
the blessing – to be overtaken by it.
Happiness occurs when we make the
decision to focus on the blessings in our
lives, no matter how challenging or
formidable the struggles we face

simultaneously. If our happiness results
from the blessings we already have, we can
always find happiness because we always
have at least something. But if our happiness
is determined by what we don’t have, “If
only I had more money, a nicer house, a
better job, a more loving spouse, more loyal
children, etc.” we will never be happy
because we can always have more. By
definition, there will always be something
we don’t have.
It has been suggested homiletically that the
etymology of the word simcha (joy) comes
from Hebrew “sam mo’ach,” focus your
thoughts. Make the decision to be happy and
the feeling will follow.
2. Happiness comes from giving not from
getting. It comes from being a giver, not a
taker.
Social scientists are now studying what
makes people happy and their answer is
counter-intuitive. Paradoxically, the biggest
obstacle to achieving happiness is our own
pursuit of it. When happiness is defined by
our needs, our wants, and our desires, it will
remain elusive and unattainable for we will
never have everything. Instead, studies
show that people report better health and
greater happiness when they volunteer for
a worthwhile cause or spend time helping
others. Moreover, studies have shown the
efficacy of volunteering and helping in
combating depression.
Someone once wrote to the Lubavitcher
Rebbe z’l in a state of deep depression and
hopelessness. The letter essentially said,
“I would like the Rebbe’s help. I wake up
each day sad and apprehensive. I can’t
concentrate. I find it hard to pray. I keep
the commandments, but I find no spiritual
satisfaction. I go to the synagogue but I
feel alone. I begin to wonder what life is
about. I need help.”
The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply back that
did not use even a single word. He simply
circled the first word of every sentence in
the letter and sent it back. The author of
the letter understood, and he was on the
path to greater happiness and hope. The
circled word at the beginning of each
sentence was ‘I’.
A self-centered person, a taker, can never
be happy in life because they could never
take enough. Givers find joy in doing for
others and therefore have great access to
happiness because there are always ample
opportunities to give.
3. Surrender control – let go, let G-d.
A few summers ago, on a visit to Israel, I
decided to go skydiving and to appreciate
our homeland from a new perspective.
After a comprehensive five minutes of
instruction, I was taken up in a tiny plane

that if I wasn’t crazy enough to jump out of,
I was crazy to get into. With a helmet and
goggles, they placed me with my feet
dangling off the side of the airplane. We
were 12,000 feet in the air and the beautiful
land of Israel was a fuzzy blur. I vividly
remember leaning over and looking down
and feeling like I couldn’t breathe.
Before I could have any second thoughts, I
felt a nudge and out the plane I went. I was
heading towards mother Earth travelling
over 130 miles an hour. The wind was
rushing all around me, my arms and legs
were extended, and I think I tasted my
spleen. For a brief moment, I felt panicked.
This is absolutely nuts, what kind of crazy,
insane person does this? I thought to myself.
I started to get scared, worried and anxious
and then I remembered. Immediately behind
me, attached by numerous metal latches and
clips, was a big Israeli man who trains
paratroopers in the Israeli army and who
does these jumps 8–10 times a day. We
jumped in tandem and the moment I
remembered that he literally had my back, I
felt the biggest relief and was able to enjoy
the rest of this remarkable experience.
The difference between a miserable, anxious
experience and an exhilarating one was
remembering there was someone who had
my back who knew what he was doing. Six
thousand feet and forty five seconds into the
jump, he pulled the cord, the chute released,
we sat up in the harness and for the next 10
minutes had the most extraordinary ride
over Israel.
We need to take initiative, put forth our best
efforts, and do everything we can to bring
positive outcomes in our lives. However,
believing that we can control and manipulate
every outcome and result places impossible
stress and pressure that preclude our ability
to experience happiness. There is nothing
more liberating, cathartic and joyful than
doing our best, and then letting go of our
need to control and allowing G-d do the rest.
Remember: He has your back.
No matter how hard we try and what kind of
effort we produce, our lives are going to
inevitably and invariably throw curveballs
our way. The difference between panicking
anxiously or enjoying the ride is our ability
to let go.