04 Aug 8 THINGS YOU CAN DO NOW TO PREPARE FOR DEATH

Death is a highly
uncomfortable and
awkward subject. As a
result, most people do all
they can to avoid the
subject altogether. While
we would prefer to see
ourselves as living
forever, the Torah instructs us that, in fact,
reflecting on our mortality and being mindful
of our transience are critical to living an
inspired life and making the most of each day.
Indeed, it is for this reason that King Solomon,
the wisest of all men, encouraged us to prefer
spending time in a house of mourning to
spending time in a house of celebration.
Overcoming the taboo and talking about death
are not only important to inspire how we live
life, but are actually acts of love and devotion
to those whom we will ultimately leave behind.
A few years ago, a woman in our community
died suddenly. She was never married and had
no children, but I remembered that she had a
brother. I went to her home and rifled through
paperwork in an effort to find his information
so that I could inform him of the terrible news.
It took a significant amount of time to make
contact with him and even longer to ascertain
what arrangements she had made.
The more the deceased has planned, organized,
and communicated his or her wishes, the less
speculation, conflict, and compounded pain

the bereaved will face at their time of loss and
grief. Put simply, it is not only negligent, but
also unkind, not to have one’s “matters in
order,” irrespective of how young or healthy
he or she may presently be, or how
uncomfortable it may be to think about and
prepare for death.
None of us would ever intentionally cause or
contribute to the pain or anguish of our family
members. Yet failing to prepare likely will lead
to complicating and, more likely, compounding
the pain of our loved ones when we are gone.
For the sake of your family, please considering
arranging the following as soon as possible:
1. ICE – Upon arriving at the scene of an
accident or emergency, paramedics are trained
to look on the patient’s cell phone for an ICE
– an In Case of Emergency entry that lists
emergency contacts. Access to the right person
and the right information can be the difference
between life and death. Add an ICE entry to
your cell phone phonebook immediately and
consider downloading an ICE app that will
allow access to your emergency contact(s)
even when your phone is locked.
2. Life Insurance – Both Rav Moshe Feinstein
(Igros Moshe Orach Chaim 2:111) and Rav
Ovadiah Yosef (Yechaveh Daat 3:85) were
asked if purchasing life insurance reflects a
lack of faith and trust in G-d. They responded
that as long as one remembers that it is G-d

who empowered us with the wisdom to create
life insurance and enabled us with this tool to
protect our families, it is absolutely permitted
and appropriate. They extend this endorsement
to fire, theft, and car insurance as well. Nobody
ever plans to be diagnosed with a terminal
illness or to be the victim of a fatal accident.
We cannot predict when our end will come, but
we can plan so that the pain of our loss will not
be compounded by financial instability,
hardship and disaster.
3. Disability Insurance – Life insurance can
help provide for one’s family members if one
dies, but what would happen if he or she
suffered a debilitating injury or an
incapacitating illness precluding the ability to
work and provide an income? Disability
insurance is only a luxury if it is never needed.
We pray it will never be a necessity, but we
would be foolish not to have it in case.
4. Living Will & Health Care Proxy
according to Jewish Law – A myriad of
complicated questions can arise in medical
treatment, particularly at the end of life. This
legal document empowers the patient to
determine in advance what choices he or she
would prefer within the parameters of Jewish
law and who is authorized to communicate
those choices to medical professionals if the
need arises. Moreover, rather than leaving
wishes and desires ambiguous so that others
are guessing and speculating, this document
spells them out. Additionally, instead of
conflict arising over how decisions are
reached or which rabbinic authority should
be consulted, the living will documents the
decision-making process and sequence. The
document can name a specific rabbi (or
rabbis) or refer the decision to an
organization, such as the Bioethics
Committee of the Rabbinical Council of
America. This is not a document reserved for
the old or infirm. Every adult should have
one on record and it should be reviewed and
updated every few years and as circumstances
demand – and discussed with your spouse,
children or relatives, so your wishes are
clear.
5. Will – Don’t leave loved ones guessing or
fighting over how you want your assets
divided. You work hard for your money and
it should be properly distributed among
family, friends, and charities in a thoughtful,
intentional and halachik manner. You can use
your estate to leave not only a legacy for
your family, but a legacy gift to the
community, Shul or schools that impacted
your family. If you still have minor children,
identify who will be responsible for them
and ask their permission to stipulate such in
your will. If you want to designate a specific
piece of jewelry, art or memento to a
particular person, specify that in your will or
other document.
6. Ethical Will – When Yaakov anticipated
his demise he called his family around his
death bed in order to give them each blessings
and charge them as a family. Throughout the
millennia, prominent rabbis and leaders have
recorded ethical wills communicating their

values, vision, and passions to the next
generation. Don’t just leave children and
grandchildren financial assets. Leave them
your vision for who they could become and the
most important values you hope they will
pursue.
7. Burial Arrangements – Where do you
want to be buried, including Israel? Do you
want a chapel service or a graveside service?
Whom would you like to officiate? Does your
family know that you want a Jewish burial
according to Jewish law and for them to sit a
full shiva and say kaddish? Have you bought a
plot and purchased a “pre-need” package with
a funeral home which is significantly less
expensive that needing to buy it “at need?”
Record your burial wishes in detail, including
important biographical information that you
would hope to be included in your eulogy,
such as the major influences in your life and
people and milestones that you were most
grateful for or proud of. Are there particular
relatives or friends or other people whom you
would like to be invited to speak at your
funeral?
8. Organized File – Perhaps most importantly,
gather all of the above documentation and
place it in a clearly designated place (paper
and/or electronic) that your loved ones are
aware of and have access to. Include your
doctors, rabbi, and attorney and their contact
information, your bank accounts, cemetery
deed, safety deposit box (and location of keys),
insurance information, financial advisors and
brokers, inventory of assets and real estate,
etc., so that nobody will be left guessing and
searching for important information when it is
needed. If you are one of those pack rats who
hides money and jewelry in books or crevices
around the house, tell someone where to look,
so they do not get discarded with your other
belongings or wind up with the next occupant
of your house or apartment.
You may be reading this thinking it is excellent
advice for someone else, for the elderly or the
sick and infirm. But being responsible and
planning appropriately are for every adult,
every married person and certainly for every
parent or grandparent. Don’t only consider
making all of these arrangements yourself, but
plan to speak to your children and grandchildren
about their making such arrangements for
themselves as well. Such preparations and
arrangements are not taught in school. They
rely on you to provide guidance and support in
these areas. Not only is communicating these
ideas to your children and grandchildren the
right thing to do, but it is also in your interest,
for their failure to plan, will likely become
your emergency.
May we all merit to live full and meaningful
lives realizing great longevity. In the meantime,
let’s show our loved ones how much we care
by making the proper preparations now, so
they won’t have to later.