12 Sep A RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIP

We often picture
G-d this time of year
as a judge, sitting at
His bench, waiting
to catch us, judge us
and hold us
accountable. Not
only is this not a healthy and
constructive image, it is not the image
our rabbis and our tradition want us to
have.
Our rabbis list many acronyms for
Elul. In fact, I saw one list of 55
different pesukim or parts of pesukim
in Tanach that have words beginning
with aleph, lamed, vav, lamed.
However, the most famous is the pasuk
in Shir HaShirim – ani l’dodi v’dodi li,
I am to my beloved and my beloved is
to me, a sense of reciprocal love with
Hashem. Our rabbis did not want us to
live this month gripped with fear and
paralyzed by fright. The image they
painted is not one of a strict judge
seeking to exact justice.

When they sought to provide an
image, when they looked for a verse, of
the 55 in Tanach they could have chosen
from, almost all selected ani l’dodi
v’dodi li. The Mishna Berura and
Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, two works on
Halacha, quote it. The Avudraham
emphasizes that it is this acronym that
best conveys the sentiment of this time
of year, a deep and profound sense of
love.
Our rabbis chose a pasuk from Shir
HaShirim, the ultimate love story
describing the yearning, longing, love
and affection between Hashem and His
people. Note that Shir HaShirim is not
the story of our boundless love and
dedication for Hashem. Nor is it the
story of Hashem’s unconditional love
and affection for us. It is ani l’dodi
v’dodi li, it is the story of reciprocal
love, of give and take, of two parties
both invested in the relationship with
each other.
We don’t talk about this often enough

and perhaps it is
because another
religion essentially
stole it from us and put
it on bumper stickers
everywhere, but we
need to know –
Hashem loves us. He
doesn’t just know we
exist. He isn’t just
aware of every detail
of our lives and He
doesn’t just involve Himself in our
lives. He thinks about us, cares about
us, craves a relationship with us, and
most of all, He loves us.
Hashem loves us means He isn’t
looking to catch us or punish us. He
wants what is best for us. He roots and
cheers for us. He wants us to succeed
and He wants us to be happy. Hashem
knows all of our faults and shortcomings.
He is aware of our mistakes and our
challenges, and yet He loves us. He is
never jealous of us, He is never
competing with us and He is never tired
of us. He simply loves us. What
He wants in return is to be loved by
us as well.
We sometimes struggle to feel
Hashem’s love or to feel His
presence in our lives and if you are
going through a difficult time, that
is certainly understandable. But
nevertheless, even then: Ani l’dodi
v’dodi li – Elul is all about
reciprocity. Hashem relates to us as
a reflection of how we relate to
Him. We want to count on Him, but
can He count on us? We wish He
would talk to us, but do we sincerely
talk to Him? We want Him to think
of us but how often do we think of
Him?
In the mid-1920’s, a chassid
approached the Imrei Emes, Rabbi
Avraham Mordechai Alter of Ger:
“Rebbe, I am traveling to Paris on a
ten day business trip. Would the
Rebbe give me a bracha (blessing)
that I be successful in my venture?”
After a warm blessing the Rebbe
continued to make his own request.
“In Paris they sell an exclusive
cigar brand that is reputed to be the
best in all of Western Europe. I

would appreciate if you would find that
brand and bring me back a box.” The
chassid was puzzled by the request, but
responded enthusiastically.
“Of course, Rebbe! No problem. I will
find out which is the best brand in all of
France and bring you back two boxes!”
The men went on his trip and indeed
returned two weeks later. He visited the
Rebbe to thank him for his blessing.
“Do you have the cigars?” asked the
Rebbe.
The man blushed. “Rebbe, you have to
forgive me. When I was in Paris, I was
so immersed in business that I totally
forgot about your request. But do not
worry. On the way back I made a special
stop in Belgium and got you the best
Belgian cigar available. I was assured
that it is of equal quality to the French
cigar if not better!”
The Rebbe shook his head. “My dear
chassid, I did not need cigars. The
reason I asked you to get me the cigars
while you were in France is because I
wanted those cigars to be on your mind.
In that manner you would remember
during your stay there that you have a
Rebbe.”
Hashem gives us lots of mitzvos,
asked us to do many things. He doesn’t
need our mitzvos. He gives them to us
because He wants us to have Him on
our minds, to think about Him, to care
about Him, to love Him.
Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – Hashem loves us
so much. He showers us with blessing.
If we would only take the time each day
to think about it. If we would only make
the effort to keep a gratitude journal we
would recognize how much goodness,
how many blessings we receive that far
surpass what we deserve. Hashem
loves us. Do we show Him love in
return?