06 Sep A TALE OF TWO SPOUSES

Who’s Doing the

Talking? “Does

marriage change

one’s personality?”

Greg asked his

buddy Mike. “In a

way,” says Mike.

“You see, when I

was engaged, I did most of the talking and

she did most of the listening. When we just

got married she did most of the talking and I

did most of the listening. Now we both do

most of the talking and the neighbors do all

of the listening.”

Firstborn Rights.

This week’s Torah portion (Ki Seitzei) states

the following law: “If a man will have two

wives, one beloved and one unloved, and

both the loved and unloved wives have

sons, and the firstborn son is that of the

hated one; on the day that this man wills his

property to his sons, he cannot give the son

of the beloved wife birthright preference

above the son of the hated wife, the

firstborn. “Rather, he must recognize the

firstborn, the son of the hated one, to give

him the double portion in all his property.”

On the most literal level, these biblical

verses mandate that a firstborn son shall

inherit a double portion of his father’s

estate, while each subsequent son shall

inherit an equal portion of the property. A

father does not have the power to bequeath

the double portion reserved for the firstborn

to one of the other sons he loves, and any

attempt to do so is ignored by Judaic law.

As the Talmud makes clear, a person is

certainly empowered to distribute his entire

estate to one of the other sons (or to any

other individual for that matter), as long as

he conveys it as a gift. But if he chooses to

bequeath the estate to one of the sons as an

inheritance and so deny his firstborn son’s

rights as a natural heir, then the father’s

attempt has no legal validity in the Jewish

judicial system. What is disturbing,

however, is the Torah’s need to state the

point via a shameful example of a man who

loves one of his wives and loathes the other.

Why was it necessary to use a crude and

offensive illustration in order to make the

simple point that the firstborn son is entitled

to a double portion of the inheritance

regardless of the father’s preferences? A

spiritual Manual One of the most essential

factors to bear in mind during biblical study

is the idea that each mitzvah, law and

episode described in the Torah contains—in

addition to its physical and concrete

interpretation—a psychological and

spiritual dimension as well. In his

commentary on the Bible, 13th

century Spanish sage, Nachmanides,

writes: “The Torah discusses the

physical reality, but it alludes to the

world of the spirit.” Another great

Kabbalist went even further. 17th

century mystic Rabbi Menachem

Azaryah of Fanu (in Italy) states that

“The Torah discusses the spiritual

reality, and it alludes to the physical

world.” This means that stories and

laws in the Torah ought to be understood

first and foremost as events and laws in the

spiritual realm, and this is actually the

primary method of Torah interpretation.

But in its communication of spiritual truths,

the Torah also lends itself to be interpreted

from a physical and concrete vantage point.

What then is the spiritual meaning of the

seemingly coarse description in this week’s

portion, of “a man who will have two wives,

one beloved and one hated, and both the

loved and unloved wives have sons, and the

firstborn son is that of the hated one”? How

are we to understand this verse in the

universe of the spirit? The Struggling Vs.

the Romantic Soul Judaism teaches that the

relationship between each husband and

wife in this world reflects the cosmic

relationship between G-d (the Groom)

and the Jewish people (the Bride). The

entire book of “Song of Songs” by

King Solomon is based on the notion

that our human and flawed

relationships are capable of reflecting

the Divine marriage with Israel. There

are two types of human beings who

enter into a marriage with G-d: the

“beloved spouse” and the “despised

spouse.” The “beloved spouse”

represents those unique individuals

who enjoy a continuous romance with

G-d. Their souls are overflowing with

spiritual ecstasy, selfless idealism and

fiery inspiration. They cannot stop

loving G-d, and G-d cannot stop loving

them. On the other end of the spectrum

stand the “despised spouses,” all those

human beings possessing numerous

qualities that ought to be spurned and

hated: immoral urges, vulgar passions

and ugly temptations. These are the

people whose hearts are not always

ablaze with love toward G-d; rather,

they struggle each and every day to

remain married to their Divine soul

and not fall prey to the lure of their

animalistic tendencies and the array of

confusing paradoxes filling their

psyches. Throughout their life they

must battle not to become a victim of

many a natural instinct and craving.

Egotism, fear, selfishness, arrogance,

corruption, short-sightedness, guilt,

shame, threaten to overcome their

daily living patterns and they must

constantly stand on guard to preserve

their integrity and innocence. The Torah

teaches us that G-d’s “firstborn son” may

very well come not from His union with the

beloved spouse but rather from His

relationship with the despised spouse. This

means that the spiritual harvest that a

struggling human being produces as a result

of his or her grueling and stormy

relationship with G-d, may often be far

deeper and more powerful than that of the

spiritually serene person. For it is precisely

in our daily struggle against the forces of

darkness within ourselves and the world

around us that we generate a powerful

explosion of G-dliness and holiness in the

world, unparalleled in the tranquil life of

G-d’s “beloved spouse.” The morality and

the integrity that emerges from the midst of

a battle between good and evil contain a

unique depth and splendor not possessed by

the straightforward spirituality of the saint.

Thus, “On the day that He wills His property

to His sons, He cannot give the son of the

beloved wife birthright preference above the

son of the hated wife, the firstborn. Rather,

He must recognize the firstborn, the son of

the hated one, to give him the double

portion in all His property.” On a spiritual

level this means, that on the day that

Moshiach will come, when humanity will

finally taste the full-Divinity in the world, a

“double portion” of G-dliness will be

revealed in the arduous labor and sweat of

the individual who never stopped fighting

for his soul. During the Struggle You might

recall the moving poem written by a

profound heart: One night I had a dream. I

dreamed I was walking along the beach

with G-d. Many scenes from my life flashed

across the sky. In each scene I noticed

footprints in the sand. Sometimes there

were two sets of footprints, other times

there was only one. I noticed that during the

low periods of my life, when I was suffering

from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see

only one set of footprints. So I said to G-d,

“You promised me Lord, that you would

walk with me always. But I have noticed

that during the most difficult times of my

life, there has only been one set of footprints

in the sand. Why, when I needed you most,

you were not there for me?” G-d replied,

“My precious child, I love you, and would

never leave you. The times when you saw

only one set of footprints, was when I was

carrying you.