30 Dec ACT FIRST?

This Shabbos we will
be completing Chumash
Bereishis. Bereishis is
also called Sefer Yesharim,
the Book of Upright. This
is because of the great
men and women such
as Avraham, Yitzchak,
Yaakov, Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, Leah, the
Holy Shevatim, Adam, Noach, and many
others, who fill its pages. Calling Chumash
Bereishis by the name Sefer Yesharim
highlights one of its primary missions: We
should learn from and emulate the lifestyles
and behavior of these great people. In a
similar vein we are taught, “Derech eretz
kadma l’Torah,” moral and ethical behavior,
what we call mentchlichkeit, precedes
the formal accounting of most of the 613
commandments.
Sometimes these teachings are obvious and
stated expressly such as Avraham’s kindness.
Other times, we need to be a bit of a sleuth to
unearth precious gems from Bereishis. Here’s
one such example. One of the great tragedies
in the life of our forefather Yaakov was the
tragic demise of his beloved wife Rachel at a
very young age when she was giving birth to
Binyomin. Yaakov would later say, “Maisah
alei Rachel,” which is interpreted to mean,

“Rachel died because of me.”
This chilling statement can be understood
by recalling another dramatic comment that
Yaakov made when Lavan was searching for
his traphim, his idols, that he found missing
after Yaakov and his family packed up their
belongings to leave. “Im asher timtzah
elohecha, lo yichye,” said Yaakov Avinu.
“With whomever you find your gods, he shall
not live.” Unbeknownst to Yaakov, his wife
Rachel, in an attempt to try to reform her
father, was the one who took the traphim. She
also wanted to ensure that the traphim did not
give Lavan advance notice that Yaakov and
his entire family were escaping. Unwittingly,
Yaakov’s curse devolved upon Rachel and
caused her an early death.
Our Commentators grapple with the puzzle of
why the saintly Rachel deserved to die. Some
say it was because she caused her father
anguish by stealing his precious traphim.
However, many explain that the fault lay
in the fact that she didn’t consult with her
husband Yaakov and learn his opinion before
stealing the traphim. Of course, if she had
asked Yaakov, he would have never uttered
such a curse.
The same lesson can be derived from another
tragic episode in the life of Yaakov: Namely,

the horrific violation of his young eight year-
old daughter, Dina. In retaliation

for this terrible atrocity, Shimon
and Levi punished the entire
city of Shechem. Yaakov was
displeased by their behavior
and, many years later on his
deathbed, he would issue a curse
to Shimon and Levi concerning
their behavior. “Arur apam
ki az v’evarsam ki kashasah –
Cursed is their anger (Shimon
and Levi’s) for it is strong,
and their wrath for it is fierce.”
Because of this curse, they both would lose
their portion in Eretz Yisroel. Again, our
Commentators explain that the primary error
of Shimon and Levi was that they failed to
consult their father Yaakov, before engaging
in the monumental attack against the entire
city of Shechem.
In yet another enigmatic event in Chumash
Bereishis, we learn the same lesson. The
Torah informs us that Reuven took his
father’s marital bed out of the tent of Bilaah
and moved it into the tent of his mother Leah.
Upon explanation of his behavior, Reuven
defended his action by exclaiming that it
was enough that, ‘My mother (Leah) had to
be second fiddle to Rachel. Should she also
be secondary to Bilaah as well?’ Once again,
Reuven paid dearly for taking the law into
his own hands and not consulting with his
father Yaakov. As a result, Reuven, the
firstborn, was slated to have the royal line
in his family. Furthermore, as the bechor,
he was supposed to have the duties of the
Kohanim. Again, on his deathbed and
referring to this incident, Yaakov said to
Reuven, “Pachaz kamayim al tosar – You
are hasty like water,” and therefore you
shall not excel. Once again, for being rash
and not first taking counsel from his father,
Reuven lost the monarchy and the Kehuna.
That the Torah in our Sefer Yesharim
repeats this lesson so many times points to
the fact of how vital it is in our daily lives.
Many problems are caused because people
have not learned the lesson of taking
the time to ask before doing something.
Much marital friction could be avoided
if spouses would learn the importance
of consulting with their mates before
making a decision or doing something of
importance. Children should learn from
here the necessity of conferring with their
parents before making any kind of major
decision, especially when their parents
are supporting them. It is similarly good
advice to consult with your superior at
work before plotting any new course of
action.
Of course, this concept reminds us how
important it is to have a Rov who you can
ask how to behave in complex relationship
situations or to resolve halachic dilemas
or doubts. As the Mishna insists in Pirkay

Avos, “Aseh lcha Rav-Make for yourself a
Rabbi”. If your Rabbi was great but is now
in shomayim you have to find a new one.
Remember the warning of Pirkay Avos, “Lo
habayshan Lamad-One who is ashamed to
admit that he doesn’t know will never be
learned. We ask in Rosh Chodesh bentching
for Chaim of Yiras Chait-a A life of being
sin-fearing. The sin-fearing person assuredly
has a Rov because he’s afraid of making a
mistake thereby sinning!
When it comes to marriage, I must add a
caveat. Many times, especially a wife will be
tempted not to ask her husband before doing
something. When things subsequently erupt
into an argument, her upset husband will
ask, ‘Why didn’t you talk to me about it?’
She will often defend herself by responding
that, “I knew you would say no.” Thus, a
necessary part of this equation is for couples
to make sure that they give each other a
chance to fully make their case and take great
care not to make the mistake of just giving
a perfunctory ‘no’ when their spouse makes
a request.
In the merit of learning from the ways of the
Torah, may Hashem bless us with long life,
good health, and everything wonderful.