18 Feb AIRPLANE MODE WHILE ON THE GROUND

When I meet with people
in my office, I leave my
phone on my desk, behind
us and out of reach. This
week during a meeting,
my phone rang. As I was
apologizing and reaching to
turn it to silent, one of the
people I was meeting with shared that he left
his phone at home for this meeting. Just those
words, “I left my phone at home,” startled me.
Turning it to airplane mode, leaving it in the

car, I can understand, but the discipline, self-
control, and courage to leave it at home truly

impressed me. He did it so he could be fully
present, invested in our conversation, and that
meant something to me.
In May 2023, best-selling author Simon
Sinek was giving a presentation at the Banca
Mediolanum National Convention in front
of an audience of thousands. In the middle,
he had someone come to the stage and hand
him his cell phone which he simply held in his
hand. A moment later he shared:
I just want to show you something. This is the
psychological power of the device. What if I was
sitting here talking to you holding my phone? It’s
not buzzing it’s not beeping, no one’s calling me,
I’m just holding it. Do you feel like you are the
most important thing to me right now?

No, you don’t. That’s the association. So when
we show up for a meeting or we sit down for
dinner with our families and we put the phone
on the table, it sends a psychological message to
everyone sitting there that you are not the most
important thing to me right now. And putting the
phone upside down is not more polite. Put into
the airplane mode to take away the temptation
that something’s coming in. And put it in a bag
or on a shelf out of sight.
This is how we should be interacting with people,
giving them our full attention, because the idea is
not that we hear the words they say but that they
feel heard and this is one of the tricks.
If you wake up in the morning and you check
your phone before you say good morning to the
person sitting next to you, you probably have a
problem. If you have to take your phone from
room to room, no matter where you go, you
probably have a problem. And just like any
recreational drug, the more you practice leaving
it away, for example if you go out for dinner, you
don’t need four telephones. Leave one at home
leave one in the car, you have one with your
spouse, it’s fine. if you have a client meeting
leave it in the car, leave it in the bag, never take
it out and it becomes easier and easier and you
find it easier not to be sucked in by the by the fear
mongering as well. So like any addiction, it just
takes a little work.

It is hard to compete with a ringing phone or a
person scrolling while we are talking to them but
it turns out that someone simply holding their
phone signals to us that we are competing for
attention and focus.
While the proliferation of technology and the
distraction that comes with it is fairly recent, the
struggle with being fully present is not a new
phenomenon.
In our parsha, Hashem invites Moshe to come
up on Har Sinai and says: “Alei eili ha’harah
veheyei sham, Ascend to Me to the mountain
and be there.” Commentators are bothered by
the seemingly superfluous phrase in Hashem’s
invitation to Moshe. After Moshe is directed to
ascend the mountain, it surely was unnecessary
for Moshe to also be directed “veheyei sham,”
and “be there.” Obviously, once Moshe ascends
the mountain he will necessarily be there.
Rashi, in his usual style, answers very succinctly.
Why remain there – two words says Rashi,
“mem yom.” Hashem wanted Moshe to know
that it wouldn’t be a quick visit, up the mountain
and down the mountain. Rather, veheyei sham,
Hashem told Moshe pack for a forty-day stay.
But perhaps the pesukim are messaging the
following contemporary lesson: Hashem, as
it were, summons Moshe up the mountain.
“Come Moshe,” says Hashem. “I am the
infinite, omnipotent and eternal Being. I seek
to share with you the truth and mysteries of
the universe.” Moshe climbs the mountain
as directed, and Hashem then says “Moshe, I
recognize how many congregants, disciples and
followers are emailing and texting you. I know
how many responsibilities are demanding your
immediate attention. However, when you are
with Me, I expect you to disconnect entirely
and actually be with Me.”
Veheyei sham, “be there,” means “be in the
present.” Don’t be distracted, interrupted or
unfocused. Hashem is telling Moshe that
He does not want to compete for attention,
even for the most noble of distractions, such
as caring for the Jewish people. “Put them
aside when you are with Me, and be with
Me.” Kenneth J. Gergen, a psychologist and
professor at Swarthmore College, has coined
the phrase “absent presence,” the experience
of being totally absent in spirit, even when
physically present in body. The Torah is
teaching that absent presence is unacceptable;
it is antithetical to healthy relationships.
Technology introduces a constant and
consistent diversion from living a life of
veheyei sham, from being fully, spiritually
present in whatever conversation, activity,
event, davening, or learning we are
supposedly engaged in. Unfortunately,
people experiencing absent presence can
be observed everywhere: in our homes, in
the workplace, on public transportation, at
doctors’ offices or when simply walking down
the street. Nevertheless, we must consider
absent presence to be intolerable. Being in a
state of absent presence is essentially a form

of cheating on one’s spouse, neglecting one’s

children or simply being unfair to one’s co-
workers or chavrusa. Most of all, however, one

who is absent present is suffering a life devoid of
mindfulness, consciousness, and presence.
We cannot resign ourselves to viewing absent

presence as an unavoidable consequence of 21st-
century living. It is critical that we always retain

the capacity to disconnect from technology
at will. Only those who can disconnect at will
really own their technology, rather than being
owned by it.
I once took a tour of the West Wing of the White
House. I noticed a container outside of the
Situation Room with numerous slots. I asked what
the container was for and was told that everyone,
regardless of rank or office, must deposit their
devices into the container before entering the
Situation Room. What is being addressed in that
room is simply too important to risk distractions.
The Mikdash Me’at, the Sanctuary of our Shuls,
is our spiritual Situation Room. There continue
to be too many incidents of phones ringing or
beeping in the middle of davening. A personal
pledge not to bring our cell phone into Shul, let
alone ever take it out of our pocket, would yield
immediate benefits to our concentration in prayer,
to the atmosphere of our minyanim, and, most of
all, to our creating sacred space in which we truly
disconnect from our mundane life and focus on
developing our relationships with Hashem.
Our family relationships are also invaluable, and
also require effort and focus. Often, couples try
to spend quality time together, but in fact are
only physically in close proximity while their
minds are on whomever or whatever they are
addressing on their devices. Families would do
well to introduce an inviolate rule that electronic
devices cannot be brought to the family dinner
table. In so doing, both parents and children
would be much more present. Similarly,
relationships would surely benefit from a
practice of leaving devices in the car, or placing
devices in the middle of the table, when a couple
is on a shidduch date, or on a married couple’s
night out or even talking at day’s end.
If we can develop a ritual of taking out our phone
and putting it on airplane mode before minyan
begins or as we sit down with someone who
deserves our attention, it will not only eliminate
distraction and interruption, but also reflect and
signal a deep devotion to the relationship. We
can only climb the mountains of our lives to
enjoy and appreciate the high moments within
each day if we are prepared to veheyei sham, to
truly be present.