16 Jan AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE VISITING ISRAEL

Dearest fellow
visitors to Israel,
One of the more
popular refrains I have
heard from people
considering going to
Israel during these
challenging times is something along the
lines of: “Does it really make a difference if
I come? Aren’t I just in the way? Does my
presence or my volunteering really matter or
make a difference? Are Israelis just
humoring the visiting Americans and
making them feel good about coming?
Having been to Israel twice since October
7th and with another trip planned, I can tell
you based on my personal experiences, the
answer to whether or not to go is an
unequivocal and resounding YES. Yes, our
visits matter. Yes, our showing up while
Israel is in a war means something. No, it
doesn’t begin to compare and isn’t in the
same universe as the extraordinary sacrifices
of the most ordinary Israelis during this
time. But our trips, our support, our
barbecues, our gifts, our hugs, and our
genuine expressions of love and support are
not mere photo ops or empty gestures, they
are demonstrations of love, loyalty,
connection, they mean something to our
brothers and sisters in Israel, and they mean
even more for us.
As I head back to Israel I am trying to
process and think about different pointers I
have heard from friends there about
sensitivities that are critical for us to have
when visiting. I have heard from them that
at times, even those with the best intentions
and who certainly mean no harm might not
be fully mindful of how something we say
or do will land or be received. The following
is not to God-forbid judge but simply to
share what I have heard, what I am thinking
about and what I will try to be mindful of on
my trip:
Don’t Just Show Up or Walk In:
Wanting to visit army bases, hospitals,
displaced communities and family and
friends is beautiful. However, it must be
about them, not us, on their schedule, not
ours, when convenient and appropriate for
them, not when works best for us. Don’t
just show up or walk into a hospital room, a
base or someone’s home. Communicate,
coordinate, and only come if it will indeed
contribute.
Sharing Resources and Gifts:
Remarkably, North American Jewry raised
$1 billion for Israel in the first month of the
war through major organizations entrusted
with allocating it in prioritized and
transparent ways. Additionally, on organized
missions and individual trips, monies have

been generously given to help bereaved
families, displaced communities, and
injured soldiers in a small way. Many have
brought toys and gifts to bring a bit of joy to
children or women whose husbands have
been called up.
It is important to be mindful of the best
way to distribute money and gifts. How can
it be done in a way that doesn’t make others
feel like a chesed project or like they are
needy, indigent, or underprivileged? Should
it be distributed directly or through someone
on the ground more connected to the
recipients? Can it be given privately or
modestly and not with fanfare or attention?
Pictures and Videos:
The experiences and people you meet will
certainly move you to take pictures and
videos, whether for yourself or to share with
others. But there are critical considerations
to keep in mind. Is this person or is this
group of people comfortable being
photographed or videoed? Should they even
be asked and put on the spot, or only if they
offer? Instead of taking or sharing a video
from the sidelines as a spectator, can we
engage someone and ask if they have a
message they want to share? Would we
want to be the subject of someone’s “this is
what we just did for Israelis” Instagram post
or would we prefer to be asked if we want to
communicate the context and share a
message? The heroic people of Israel,
soldiers in uniform, army bases, and
certainly scenes of destruction or devastation
– these aren’t photo ops or tourist attractions.
Take a picture to tell a story or advance a
cause, but do so mindfully and sensitively.
Personal Connections and Relationships:
Instead of watching as a tourist, can we
engage directly, maybe break into small
groups to genuinely share, listen, and
connect? Instead of, or in addition to,
capturing a presentation that we may record
and share on Whatsapp or elsewhere online,
can we disconnect to connect in a way that
communicates showing up, that conveys
empathy, love, and listening?
Ordinary People in Extraordinary
Times:
We must keep in mind throughout our visit
that everyone we meet, those displaced,
farming, injured, fighting, on their own at
home, volunteering, almost all of them are
really just regular people who have been
thrown into the middle of a crazy time that
they themselves are still processing. They
are not objects of our chavaya, they are real
people, with real feelings, real experiences,
real worries, concerns. Can we relate and
speak in genuine ways, in normal tones?
Our brothers and sisters are not museum
pieces, they are not a piece of history, they

are not here so that our kids can
have an educational experience or
we can have an amazing and
meaningful chavaya. They are not
part of a photo op or a vacation
memory. We are coming because
we are Jews who care about or
fellow Jews and we just want to
connect to what they are
experiencing and we can tell them
how we are feeling.
This Isn’t Over Yet:
Be mindful that these trips are not to see,
pay witness to or help with a situation that is
over. This is not a modern version of March
of the Living or Heritage Trip. We are very
much still in this war and we don’t know
when it will be over. The war is not a closed
event, something that happened in the past.
It’s something that people are very much
still living every day, will continue to be
living after you leave, and it must not be
related to as something that was. At Shabbos
tables, around family, friends, and strangers,
don’t take anything for granted, be careful
and sensitive how you speak, what you
speak about, and before whom you are
speaking.
Not Just an Itinerary:
The daily life of every Israeli has been
impacted since October 7 with no clear end
date. From significant interruptions to
businesses and universities, to the fear that a
husband, father, son or brother won’t return
home, life has been turned upside down.
Israelis are just trying to cope and manage
their day-to-day. Most haven’t gotten to go
see Be’eri, or visit hospitals or displaced
people at hotels, they haven’t made a
barbecue at an army base or been briefed by
politicians or military. They are genuinely
happy that Americans are coming to visit,
show support and that we care. We must be
careful not to commercialize or sterilize our
loving trips to connect with our greater
family and turn them into a tourist
experience, a great “war trip” experience.
The itinerary should not distract or blind us
to the love, kindness, support we can show
the cab driver, the makolet owner, the
restaurant server, and our family and friends
who have made Aliyah. The purpose of our
trip is not the collage we can create, the
photobook we will produce, or the video we
can compile. It is the people we will connect
with, the love we can share, the energy we
can contribute to. Our trip should be
informed not only by what we want to do,
but how we are needed and where we can be
most of service.
Comfort In, Dump Out:
No matter how little you slept on the flight,
how exhausting the itinerary is, don’t tell a

soldier who hasn’t slept or a mother caring
for a home all alone how tired you are. If
seeing or experiencing something is
emotionally difficult or draining, don’t
process or seek comfort from those who are
more closely connected or bearing the brunt
of this war. Be mindful to only comfort in
and dump out.
Caring and Compassionate, Not
Condescending:
Find a way to be caring and compassionate
without being pitying or condescending. It
is hard enough to be thrust into a difficult
situation, being made to feel like a nebuch,
weak or helpless makes it worse.
The penultimate plague on Egypt was
choshech, darkness. We have all lived
through blackouts or woken in the middle of
the night to a dark room while trying to find
our way to the light or door. What was so
devastating about this plague that it deserved
to be placed right before the final blow of
makas bechoros? The Chidushei HaRim
explains homiletically. Light is the capacity
to know that there are other people in the
world and that life is not just about us.
Darkness falls when we turn exclusively
inward and live a life of egocentricity.
When we care only about ourselves, our
interests, our success, our needs, our
happiness, we are cloaked in darkness.
When the Torah describes darkness it says:
V’lo ra’u ish es achiv, no person could see
his brother. Says the Chidushei HaRim,
when you live life without even seeing the
person next to you, you are covered in
darkness and you are blind to what life is
really all about. Being trapped in a life of
self-centeredness, only caring about yourself
and not helping or even seeing others around
you, is a life of darkness, it results in pain
and suffering like a plague.
It is wonderful to go to Israel anytime, it is
particularly meaningful to go during this
time. As you plan your trip, as you
experience each visit and interaction, simply
ask yourself, if you were in the other
position, how would you want to be related
to, spoken to, and thought about.
Let us all go selflessly, not selfishly, let’s
dispel all the darkness and contribute
enormous light.