09 Jun ANGER MANAGEMENT

As we continue to enjoy
the wisdom of Pirkei
Avos through the spring
and the summer, we
experience an exercise
of mining the pearls
and diamonds from
the familiar words of
these mishnayos. Here’s an example of
something that I’ve read scores of times
but didn’t pick up a subtle nuance until this
week.
Reb Eliezer ben Horkanos, one of the
greatest disciples of Rabban Yochanan
ben Zakkai, teaches, “Al t’hi noach li’chos
– Let it not be easy for you to get angry.”
When we hear it, it’s a well-known lesson
about the ugliness of anger. However,
let’s now stop and listen carefully to what
he’s telling us. “It shouldn’t be easy to get
angry.” Is this the way we would’ve said
it? It’s like telling your wife, “Don’t be too
easy to use the credit card,” which implies,
“You could use it. It just shouldn’t be too
easy.”
Is that the attitude towards anger?
Wouldn’t it be better to say simply, “Al
ti’chos – Don’t get angry!”? For after
all, the Gemara says, “Kol hako’eis kol

minei gehenim sholtin bo – Anyone who
gets angry all the treatments of hell will
be needed to cure him.” It dawned on
me the Reb Eliezer is trying to make an
adjustment in our attitude to anger. This
is perhaps similar to why it’s not easy for
a person when asked to become a ‘Guest
of Honor,’ because he knows that they will
try to get money from other people using
his name, and he will then feel beholden
to respond in kind when other people are
honored.
This is what Reb Eliezer is trying to
inculcate in us. It shouldn’t be easy for
us to get angry because we know all the
reprehensible repercussions. For example,
it says, “Ka’as becheit k’sil yanu’ach –
Anger rests in the bosom of the fool.”
Thus, when we get angry, we look foolish
in the eyes of people. It also says that when
we get angry, we become temporarily
senseless, so much so that the Gemara
advises, “Ein m’ratzin l’adom b’shas
ka’aso – Don’t try to appease a person
when he’s angry.”
As Reb Irving Bunim, zt”l, zy”a, expresses
so eloquently, “When a person gets angry,
their brain goes into park.” Even if he tries
to use his thoughts (by stepping on the

gas), the brain doesn’t budge. Who wants
to be in such a state? The Gemara also says
in Pesachim, “Kol hako’eis im chacham
hu, chachmaso mistalekes mimenu – Any
person who is wise, if he gets angry, his
wisdom deserts him.”
I believe this is one of the reasons why
Reb Eliezer is the author of this teaching.
His great Rebbe, Rabban Yochanan ben
Zakkai praised Rebbi Eliezer as “Bor
sid, she’eino m’abeid tipa – His wisdom
was so intact as if it was in a lime coated
cistern that doesn’t lose a drop.” It now
fits beautifully: Reb Eliezer never lost any
of his wisdom because he never got angry.
The famous Igeres HaRamban quotes the
verse, “Haser ka’as milibecha, v’ha’aver
ra’ah mibsorecha – Remove anger from
your heart and that will remove evil from
your flesh.” Rav Avigdor Miller, zt”l, zy”a,
explains this literally. He says anger is
responsible for many maladies of the flesh
such as heart disease, high blood pressure,
and diabetes. He teaches that the word
ka’as (spelled chaf-ayin-samach) is an

anagram for the word eches (spelled ayin-
chaf-samach), which is a rare word that

means poison, the venom of a serpent, thus
revealing that anger too is a deadly poison.
The Zohar, however, clues us in about
another frightening thing that happens
when a person loses themselves and gets
into a rage. The Zohar cites the verse,
“Toreif nafsho b’apo – He tears his soul
in his anger,” and in parshas Tetzaveh
the Zohar elaborates, “Rav Abba amar,
‘Torif v’akar nafshei b’gin rugzei
v’ashrei b’gavei eil zar’ – ‘His soul is
snatched and uprooted from him because
of his anger and is replaced by an evil
foreign entity.’ ” It further says that this
is alluded to in the Biblical warning, “Lo
yihiya b’cha eil zar – There shouldn’t
be in you a foreign control.” How
frightening! When a person gets angry,
the neshama, which is heavenly and
a sliver of G-d, can’t take it and packs
out. The body is maintained instead by
an evil force. This is why we are taught
that we shouldn’t look at a person when
they are angry.
This fits in with what it says in Yeshaya,
“Chadlu lachem min ha’adom asher
neshama b’apo, ki bameh nechshav hu
– Cease from a person who has anger
flaring in him for what is he worth.”
What a horrifying thought! When we
get angry, we turn over the controls of
our body to a sitra achra, a foreign evil
influence.
To sum it up, if we don’t want gehenim,
if we want to avoid looking like a fool,

if we don’t want to lose our wisdom, if we
don’t want to render ourselves senseless,
and if we don’t want to give ourselves
over to an evil controller, we need to train
ourselves that it shouldn’t be easy for us to
get angry.
The Chafetz Chaim, zt”l, zy”a, used to say
that a segula to deter anger is to hold on
to one’s tzitzis. Rav Shteinman, zt”l, zy”a,
says he has a better segula. If you feel
you’re getting angry, keep your mouth shut.
There were Ba’alei Mussar who had an
‘anger hat’ hidden somewhere in a closet,
and if they felt they were getting angry,
they would have to put on that hat. This
pause button gave them time to compose
themselves and regain their senses.
(I’d like to share with my dear readers that
my wife, Mrs. Shoshy Weiss, LCSW-R, is,
b’ezras Hashem, giving a six-week zoom
course starting July 7, 2026, on “IFS for

Women.” You are invited to listen to a pre-
recorded message explaining the course at

732.661.8280. To register or find out more,
call or text 845.270.3699 or check out her
website at shoshyweissifstherapist.com.)
In the merit of our working on anger
management, may Hashem bless us with
long life, good health, and everything
wonderful.