26 Dec ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE?

A BRIBE FOR
YOUR
PROFESSOR

A professor was giv-
ing a big test one day

to his students. He
handed out all of the
tests and went back to
his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the
students all handed the tests back in. The
professor noticed that one of the students
had attached a $100 bill to his test with a
note saying, “A dollar per poin.”
At the next class, the professor handed the
tests back out. This student got back his test
and $56 change.
ONE HEART
The Talmud relates the following episode:

When our father Jacob was on his death-
bed, surrounded by all of his children, he

suddenly felt that the Divine presence, the

Shechinah, departed from him. He was over-
taken by dread and fear that one of his chil-
dren present in the room was living an im-
moral life, and that is why the Shechinah has

left him. The old father confronted his chil-
dren asking if perhaps one of them has cor-
rupted his ways, betraying the values he,

Jacob, had attempted to inculcate within
them.

His sons responded with the most famous
Jewish declaration: “Shema Yisrael Hashem

Elokenu Hashem Echad.” Listen Israel – Ja-
cob’s name was Israel — the Lord is Our

G-d, the Lord is One. Kishem Sh’ein
B’libcha Ela Echad, Kach Ein B’libeinu Ela
Echad. Just as in YOUR heart there is only
One, so too, in OUR heart there is only
One.”
At that moment Jacob responded and said,
“Boruch Shem Kevod Malchuto Le’olam
Va’ed. Blessed be the honorable name of His

kingdom forever and ever.” (Talmud Pesa-
chim 56a).

Their response raises a question. Let’s lis-
ten to their words carefully: “Just as in

YOUR heart there is only One, so too, in
OUR heart there is only One.” The first half
of their statement seems superfluous. We
know that in Jacob’s heart there was only
One G-d. That was not up for discussion; no

one was suspecting Jacob’s heart. The ques-
tion was what was going on in THEIR heart.

All they needed to say was, “Listen father, in
OUR heart there is only One!”?
A MIRROR
The answer is that in this very expression
they have encapsulated one of the great
themes of education. The first half of their

sentence was not superfluous. Jacob’s chil-
dren were explaining why their father

need not fear about his children’s moral
destiny. “Jacob our father, if there is One

in your heart,” the children told their fa-
ther, “you can be assured that in our

hearts, too, there is only One.” Children
are the mirror of their parents’ hearts, not
of their words. Since in your heart there
was one, our heart too is saturated with
the one living G-d.
All too often, parents think that they can

impart values to their children without in-
ternalizing these values in their own daily

lives. They teach their children about in-
tegrity, faith, love, and discipline, but they

do not necessarily embody these princi-
ples themselves. They preach of one G-d,

but that G-d does not challenge them in
their personal lives. They will speak up

against anger, animosity, envy, and selfish-
ness, but they themselves fall prey to these

traits.
This usually does not do the trick. Children
do not respond to what the parents say as
much as to who they are. Values are like
colds: they are caught, not taught. If in your
heart there is One – in his heart, there will
also be One. When your child experiences
consciously and subconsciously your purity
and integrity, it is likely that the values that
shaped the parents will continue in the lives
of their children. It may take some years
or sometimes decades, but the seeds
planted by your heart in the heart of your
children will produce the results.
Political scientists have long found that

four out of five people with a party pref-
erence grow up to vote the way their par-
ents voted. In fact, while many people

experience a temporary rejection of their
parents’ politics in very early adulthood,
virtually nothing is more predictive of
your political ideology than that of your

parents—it’s more of a determining fac-
tor than income, education, or any other

societal yardstick.
HYPOCRISY

When asked about the greatest chal-
lenge he faces today, the principal of one

of the largest Jewish high schools in the

United States related this thought: Par-
ents spend thousands of dollars a year in

tuition to send their children to our
school where, along with calculus and
chemistry, we are expected to teach
some basic ethics. Then, on Sunday, the
parents take their child to an amusement
park and lie about his age in order to
save five dollars on the admission fee. To
save five bucks they destroy a $25,000
education.
Most parents and teachers realize that
values and perspectives must be planted

by personal example. However, in prac-
tice, we sometimes try to build into our

childrens’ and students’ behavioral rou-
tines that we personally have not yet

mastered. We insist that our children eat

properly, even though we survive on cof-
fee and donuts. We insist that they don’t

sit by the TV for hours, while we fall short of
these expectations. In short, we find it easier
to work on our children than on ourselves,
and so that is sometimes what we do.
This hypocrisy has disastrous results: Too

many children legitimately view their par-
ents and teachers as insincere. Disrespect

burgeons slowly until, around ages 12-15, it
shreds the parent-child or teacher-student
trust and relationship. Then children reject
the moral authority of the adults in their
lives. They isolate themselves emotionally

from parents and teachers, and begin mak-
ing their own (often self-destructive) deci-
sions.

In a famous study regarding the transmis-
sion of values from parents to children, the

following question was asked of many chil-
dren: What do your parents want you to be

when you grow up—rich, smart, famous or
good? Most of the children — from a variety
of demographic and cultural sectors —

ranked rich, smart, or famous as most im-
portant. And the characteristic that ranked

lowest was being ‘good.’ Ironically, parents
across the same sectors responded that they

favored ‘good’ as the preferred characteris-
tic for their child.

Why was there this disconnect between the
desire of the parents and the perception of
their children?

The answer may be that preaching to chil-
dren demands parallel practice by parents.

True goodness is not taught in books, it is
transmitted by living example. Parents may
tell their children that they want them to be

good people above all, but what are the chil-
dren experiencing from their parents? Are

they—the parents—placing goodness above
all other comforts?
If you want to touch the heart of your child,
make sure that your own heart was touched.
And work not just on your conscious, but
also on your unconscious identity. Children
often respond to the unconscious of their

parents even more than to their parents’ con-
scious selves.

This was the message of Jacob’s children
to their father: The reason there is in our
heart only One, is because our hearts reflect
and mirror YOUR heart, and in your heart,
there is only One. This is true concerning
every parent and teacher.