28 Apr ARE YOU TRYING TO INSPIRE… BUT PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY?

A man once tried to
convince his friend to
start exercising. Every
time they met, he’d
shake his head: “You
really should take care
of yourself. This isn’t
healthy.” The friend nodded politely and
changed nothing. A few months later, the
man stopped lecturing. Instead, he began
inviting him: “I’m going for a walk along
the beach. Join me, it’s really nice at
sunset.”
The first time, the friend came just to talk.
The second time, he stayed longer. By the
third, he was the one suggesting it. Nothing
about the message had changed. Only the
tone had. And that made all the difference.
Dale Carnegie once said, “People are
rarely persuaded by what we say. They are
persuaded by what they feel.” Criticism
may be accurate. Reproach may even be
justified. But it almost never invites
someone closer. More often, the stronger
the passion we feel for something and the
more we want others to adopt it, the more
aggressive we get in recruiting them which
builds a quiet resistance, the kind that
smiles politely and then walks away
unchanged.
This is true for encouraging others to
exercise, get more sleep, or eat healthier. It
is true for trying to influence others to keep
Shabbos or kosher or dress more modestly.
And it is also true for promoting Aliyah.
In a recent episode of Behind the Bima, I
used an expression that touched a nerve.
In a conversation with Mrs. Yael Leibowitz
about her new book on Ezra, I used the
term “Aliyah snob.” It was never my
intention to insult or disparage anyone,
particularly not those who have heroically
uprooted their lives and moved to Israel. I
sincerely apologize to anyone I may have
hurt. Allow me to clarify what I meant and
be more precise about the phenomenon I
was referring to.
Despite my consistent and very public
support of Israel online and offline, people
regularly tell me that because I have not
moved to Israel, I am the reason Moshiach
is not yet here. Others have challenged me
that if I really care about Israel I would
move and that if I don’t, there is no point to
my advocating for, posting about, or
supporting Israel. Many tell me that if I
would simply announce I was moving, the
whole Boca community would follow,
despite that being something that has never
happened in history.

When I visit, people who are no more than
acquaintances, or sometimes even
strangers, belligerently urge, encourage,
harass, challenge, and criticize me
regarding Aliyah.
To be exceedingly clear: not only do I not
have anything against anyone promoting
Aliyah, I myself talk about Aliyah
constantly and promote it unfailingly. In
our community, each year we celebrate and
honor those who make Aliyah. We host
Nefesh b’Nefesh and Israel real estate
seminars regularly, and partner to make
Aliyah as seamless as possible. I regularly
challenge members of our community to
consider not if but when they will move to
our homeland. I often share that while
there are legitimate reasons not to move to
Israel there are no legitimate reasons for
not struggling with making Aliyah.
All of that said, the expression I have used
for some time, “Aliyah snob,” is not about
moving to Israel or directed at those who
have moved or are planning to. It is about
the language and methodology of how it is
promoted.
Recently, Makor Rishon carried an opinion
piece from its former editor, Haggai Segal,
issuing a “final call” to American Jews and
demanding that they make aliyah. “Dear
brothers, you are traitors,” he wrote. “You
are committing treason against us and
committing treason against yourselves.”
He believes it is time for a change of tone
and that it is time to tell American Jews
plainly what he thinks of them. Considering
he wrote in Hebrew and in a newspaper
that few American Jews have heard of let
alone read, one must wonder how he thinks
he accomplished that. He proposes that if
American Jews don’t immigrate en masse
in the next five years, the Israeli Rabbinate
should essentially excommunicate them
and that the Jewish Agency end its shlichim
program.
Demonstrating, intentionally or
unintentionally, that this problem is not
new, Segal turns back to an ancient source
when he references the Gemara which
quotes Reish Lakish who addressed the
Jews of Bavel and told them, “Eloka sanina
lechu, G-d hates you” for failing to come
up to the Land of Israel in the days of Ezra.
What he fails to focus on is the result of
that approach. Rather than heed the call of
Reish Lakish’s rebuke, they stayed, built
the community of Bavel and published the
authoritative Talmud until today, the
Talmud Bavli.
My goal is not to defend the Jews of Bavel

nor of Boca for
staying where they
are. My point is to
highlight that trying to
convince Jews to
move to Israel by
telling them G-d hates
them if they don’t, or
that they are traitors to
their people, didn’t
work then and it
doesn’t work now.
Whether such
statements are fair is
debatable, but what is
clear, at least to me, is
that they are unhelpful and unproductive.
What makes someone an “Aliyah snob” is
not their love of Israel, their promotion of
Aliyah, or their calls to their brothers and
sisters in the Diaspora to come join them.
It’s their tone, their condescension, their
sometimes outright smugness in how those
calls are expressed.
You want to convince people to make
Aliyah? Share the beauty of Israel and
building a life there. Express the sense of
religious and spiritual satisfaction and
fulfillment by living Jewish destiny in the
Jewish homeland. Quote sources and
advance arguments for why one ought to
consider moving to Israel. But
dismissiveness, condescension, judgment,
condemnation, and name-calling are
unlikely to change minds and addresses.
This isn’t true only about Aliyah, of course,
it applies to any virtuous behavior or
decision we want to persuade someone to
join. I would (and often do) say the exact
same thing about inspiring people to keep
Shabbos, keep kosher, exercise, or make
any other positive choice or change.
Nobody ever started keeping Shabbos
because a rock was thrown at them or
because they were told that if they do not,
they are a bad Jew. People embrace
Shabbos because they were lovingly
invited to experience it, shown its beauty,
exposed to its meaning. They were invited
to learn about why it is important and right
for them.
Similarly, nobody makes Aliyah because
the proverbial rock is thrown at their head
or because they are told they are traitors or
bad Jews or the reason Moshiach won’t
come if they do not. People don’t make
Aliyah because they are told there is no
future where they live, the writing is on the
wall, or it isn’t safe to stay where they are.
I also believe there should be some

reflection and self-awareness among a
certain subset of this group. The most
amusing Aliyah snobs are those who spent
a significant part of their lives living
outside of Israel, but when the moment and
time is right for them to go, they no longer
can understand or tolerate how everyone is
not coming with them. The same people
who felt justified living in the Diaspora
until circumstances and drive were just
right and brought them home, become
bewildered, shocked, and intolerant of
anyone who has not moved exactly on
their timeline or according to their
expectations. When Aliyah is weaponized,
it is not only not inspiring or convincing, it
is counterproductive and alienating.
I can only share what speaks to me and
positively contributes to making me
struggle with Aliyah and what doesn’t.
When I see or hear aggressive judgement
and harsh criticism in general or directed at
me, it turns me off and pushes me away.
When I read or watch people share how
profoundly meaningful, joyful and rich
their lives are by living in our homeland, I
crave and want what they have.
Let’s expose our diaspora communities to
more of the energy and people of Israel.
Let’s organize more trips and missions to
experience communities that can become
future landing spots. Let’s share and learn
Divrei Torah that frame where we are in
history and invite us to be part of shaping
our destiny.
If you’ve found meaning and sacrifice,
whether in the context of Aliyah or any
other aspect of Jewish life, I respect and
envy you. Share the joy you are
experiencing and the kedusha and beauty
you are exposed to. Share it daily. But
please, whether its Aliyah or any other
virtuous choice, don’t be a snob.
Be an inspiration instead of a critic and we
will want what you have.