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02 Aug BE A “DETECTIVE”
The Gemara in Masechet
Kiddushin (32ha-b) brings Rav
Yosef’s ruling that a Rabbi is
allowed to forego on the honor
owed to him by virtue of his Torah
scholarship. Rav Yosef reached
this conclusion on the basis of the
fact that Hashem Himself waived
His honor when He led and guided
the Jewish People when they left Egypt. If G-d Himself
could forego on His honor, Rav Yosef reasoned, then
certainly a Rabbi can waive the honor owed to Him.
Rava challenged this line of reasoning. He said that G-d
owns everything, and so He has the authority to forego
on His honor. But a Rabbi represents the Torah – and the
Torah is not his that he can waive the honor owed to the
Torah. We are required to show honor to Rabbis because
they represent the Torah – and no Rabbi has the authority
to forego on the honor that we must give to the Torah.
But then Rava changed his mind, and conceded to Rav
Indeed, the“†–†אי≠ן¨†תו≠רה†די≠לי≠ה†∫Yosef’s ruling. He said
Torah is his.” When a person learns and becomes a
scholar, he “acquires” the Torah. It becomes his. Rav
proves this from the second pasuk in Tehillim which says
he –†בת≠ור≠תו†יה≠גה†יו≠מם†ול≠יל≠ה†¨about a Torah scholar
delves into “his Torah” day and night. A scholar is
considered to “own” the Torah he learned. And so a
Rabbi does, in fact, have the right to waive the honor
owed to him
This is a critically important statement, one which
encapsulates one of the main objectives of the holiday of
Shavuot. It is about making a commitment to “own” the
Torah, to build a very personal connection with the
Torah. Accepting the Torah means that we do not
merely flow with the tide, doing what everybody else
does. It means that we make the decision to take the
Torah and make it part of our essence, part of our very
being.
Our community has so much to be proud of in regard to
religious observance. I feel, however, that many of us
suffer from what we might call “the everyone disease.”
We are too affected by what everyone else is doing. We
are too conscious of how people are living their lives,
and this can sometimes pull us to act in a way which isn’t
right for us, and pull us away from acting the way which
is right for us.
We all know that the Bet Ha’mikdash was destroyed
because of שנאת†חינם†– “baseless hatred.” This is like the
ABCs of Tishah B’Av observance, and the primary
theme that we hear over and over again, each and every
year, during this season. But there’s one problem. The
Gemara gives a different reason for why the Bet
Ha’mikdash is destroyed. While it is true that in one
place the Gemara mentions שנאת†חינם†, in a different place
(Masechet Bava Metzia), the Gemara says that the
Temple was destroyed – דין†תורה†ולא†עבדו†לפנים†משורת†הדין
– which means that the people of that time insisted on
following the strict law, without extending beyond the
letter of the law. Really?! What happened to ?שנאת†חינם
Isn’t that what everyone talks about when we reflect on
the destruction? And why is it so bad to stick to the law
and not go beyond the law? The answer lies in the most
important rule we need to know each and every time we
find ourselves in a conversation with somebody –
anybody – and there’s some tension, some disagreement,
some†argument¨†or†some†uneasinessƆThat†rule†is∫†When
people speak with passion and emotion, they do not
mean exactly what they say. They mean something else.
All people carry with them some degree of pain, caused
by the challenges and hardships they’ve had or are
dealing with. And, all people are a little insecure, and
worried about being significant. Of course, people do
not come right out and say it. But they’re all feeling this,
to one extent or another. When a sister is giving another
sister a hard time about where the holiday meal should
be, insisting that she should host it, she is expressing
insecurity. If a partner is sitting in the boardroom
arguing against an idea for a new product line proposed
by a different partner, he is expressing insecurity. If a
friend becomes overly sensitive and upset over an
innocent comment, this is emotional fragility caused by
the pain the friend is feeling. This is לפנים†משורת†הדין†. We
are expected to be detectives, to UNDERSTAND
people, rather than JUDGE people. And this is the key to
overcoming שנאת†חינם†– destructive fighting and arguing
that plagues so many families, so many businesses, and
so many communities. We need to be detectives,
understanding what’s behind other people’s vices. We
need to stop rushing to judge and responding in kind, and
start trying to empathize with people’s struggles lying
beneath the surface. The Talmud tells a story that is both
humorous and sad, about a husband and wife who spoke
two different dialects. The husband told his wife to buy
two בוציני†, which meant “melons” in his dialect, but
meant “candlesticks” in her dialect. When the wife came
home with two candlesticks, the husband was angry, and
told her to bang the candlesticks on the בבא†– which
means “door” in Aramaic. The only בבא†the wife knew
was the great Rabbi, Rabbi Baba ( בבא†) ben Buta. And so
she went to the Rabbi, who was delivering a class, and
started hitting him with the candlesticks. He asked the
woman what she was doing, and she explained that her
husband was angry that she bought the wrong item, and
told her to bang them on בבא†. The Rabbi gave her a
warm blessing that she and her husband should have
two outstanding sons. If the Rabbi had followed the
strict letter of the law, he would have repudiated the
woman for being so foolish, and for thinking that she
should barge in and start hitting him with candlesticks.
But he extended לפנים†משורת†הדין†, understanding that
this woman was fragile, struggling with difficult issues
in her marriage. And so he responded kindly, warmly
and sensitively. This is the key to overcoming שנאת
חינם†– doing our detective work, recognizing the pain,
struggles and insecurities beneath the surface, and
responding not to what the other person says, but rather
to what the other person means.