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    BEHA’ALOSCHA: LIGHTING THE MENORAH

    The Skulener Rebbe
    (Noam Eliezer) zt’l
    explains the unique
    significance of the
    Yom Tov of Chanukah
    with the following mashal.
    A large office tower was
    constructed in downtown Manhattan.
    Although the structure was complete, the
    interiors were completely dark – the electricity
    was not yet connected. Until there is light, the
    building is incomplete. So too, from Rosh
    Hashanah through Simchas Torah, Hashem
    recreates the world. But it is the light of
    Chanukah that illuminates and completes the
    world.
    We can say the same about the Mishkan. The
    Mishkan was built with gold, silver, and other
    precious materials. While it was a splendid
    edifice, it was incomplete. Hashem’s holy
    light shining into the Mishkan is what
    completed it.
    The parashah begins (8:2) “Speak to Aharon
    and say to him: When you kindle the lamps…
    the seven lamps will cast light.” The
    menorah’s light represents the light of
    kedushah that shone in the Mishkan. This
    light completed the Mishkan.
    The Midrash (Bamidbar Rabba 15:2) states,
    “When people install windows in their homes,
    they build them narrowly on the outside and
    wide on the inside so that the sunlight should

    come into the house. However, when Shlomo
    built the Beis HaMikdash, he didn’t form the
    windows in this fashion. Inside, the windows
    were narrow, and outside, the windows were
    wide so that the Beis HaMikdash’s light
    should shine outside.” The entire world
    received holiness from the light of the Beis
    HaMikdash. This light burst forth when the
    kohen lit the menorah.
    A Jewish home is also a Mishkan, for it is
    where the Shechinah resides. The newlywed
    couple is excited about their new apartment
    and pretty furniture, but these things don’t
    make their home complete. They need to
    bring in the light of kedushah, and then their
    home is complete.
    What is this light of kedushah that the couple
    should ignite inside their home?
    It can be expressed in various ways, but
    presently we explain that it is the light of good
    middos. Good middos bring the kedushah
    they need for their marriage’s success.
    Someone asked the Tchebiner Rav zt’l, “My
    daughter is in shidduchim. What should we
    look for?”
    The Tchebiner Rav replied, “Look for three
    things: middos, middos, and again, middos.”
    The Steipler Gaon zt’l asked someone to
    gather information about a certain bachur
    suggested for the Steipler’s granddaughter.
    The shaliach returned and relayed the
    beautiful things he heard about the bachur. He

    said, “I heard that he learns eighteen hours a
    day. He is a giant talmid chacham.”
    “What about middos?” the Steipler asked.
    The shaliach didn’t know anything about the
    bachur’s middos. He replied, “How could he
    possibly have bad middos? He’s always
    learning Torah!”
    The Steipler replied, “Until now, all he had
    to deal with was his shtender. When he

    marries, he will have to deal with a wife. You
    must find out whether he has good middos.
    Without good middos, it is a disaster.”

    Reb Moshe Unger zt’l wrote to his father-in-
    law, the Divrei Chaim of Tzanz zt’l about a

    bachur suggested for his daughter. The Divrei
    Chaim responded, “You wrote about the
    bachur’s many qualities, but you forgot the
    key point. You didn’t write whether he is a
    mentch. The Torah (Devarim 22:16) states “ I
    gave my daughter to a mentch.”
    Rebbe Avraham Elimelech of Karlin zt’l
    would say that when you inquire about a
    bachur and hear he has good middos,
    mark a number 1 in your notebook. Every
    other quality you hear about him is a zero.
    Place those zeros next to the one, and it
    becomes a large, impressive number.
    However, if there are many qualities but
    good middos are lacking, all you are left
    with are many zeros.
    Good middos illuminate the marriage.
    Just as the windows of the Beis
    HaMikdash shone outside the Beis
    HaMikdash, a marriage with good middos
    will shine kedushah and goodness to all
    people around them. They become a
    beacon of light, and their ways will
    inspire people around them.
    Reb Yosef Liberman zt”l writes the
    following story in the introduction to his
    sefer:
    There was a person who made some
    excellent business investments after his
    wedding and with Hashem’s help, became
    very wealthy.
    He also had nachas. One of his children
    married the child of Reb Shimon Sofer
    zt”l. Someone asked him, “How did you
    become so successful?
    This is what he answered:
    “The first Shabbos after my chasunah, I
    came to my in-law’s home, and saw that
    my
    mother-in-law lit her Shabbos lecht in an

    earthenware utensil. I asked my father-in-
    law why his wife lights in earthenware

    candlesticks while he gave me beautiful
    silver candlesticks.

    “My father-in-law
    replied, ‘The silver
    candlesticks you now
    own were once ours.
    We gave it to you
    because we promised
    it when you were
    engaged.’
    “And why is your dining room set in such
    poor condition?”
    “Your dining set was also once ours. I
    gave it to you for your dowry.”
    “I inquired about some other utensils that
    were missing in their home, and the answer
    was the same: They gave everything to us
    to keep their promise.”
    After Shabbos, the son-in-law said to his
    wife, “We are giving everything back.” He
    couldn’t enjoy what he had, knowing that
    his in-laws were suffering because of it. He
    returned the dining room set, the laichter,

    and everything they received from his in-
    laws.

    But now, they needed these basic items for
    themselves, so he took a loan. With the loan,
    he bought everything their home needed, and
    invested the remaining money in business. In
    the merit of his good deed, the investments
    prospered, and within a short time, he paid off
    the loan and became wealthy.
    Reb Yosef Liberman tells this story to
    encourage young people to have their in-laws
    in mind. He says, “The children shouldn’t
    only give back the laichter, they should give

    back their in-law’s heart as well,” because in-
    laws sometimes feel that they are giving their

    hearts away to marry off their children, and
    the children should have compassion and take
    this into consideration. Doing so will bring
    them success in their life. The man in our
    story earned a lot more by returning the items
    to his in-laws than if he had held onto them.
    Each case is different. A young couple is
    starting a new life, and sometimes the help
    they receive from their parents is crucial. But
    compassion is in place, and the hardships that
    the parents go through should be taken into
    consideration. This is the light of good
    middos, the foundation of a Jewish home.
    When a person hires a contractor to build a
    house, he plans precisely how many rooms he
    wants, how they should be set up, the type of
    windows, floor, light fixtures, and so on, but
    he doesn’t discuss with the contractor how
    strong the foundation should be. This is
    because it is obvious and self-understood that
    the house needs to be built on sound, firm
    foundations. Without good foundations,
    nothing can be built.
    Reb Eliyahu Lopian zt’l said that this is why
    the Torah has 613 mitzvos but doesn’t
    explicitly state that we must have good
    middos. Good middos are the foundations
    which don’t need to be discussed because
    without good middos there is nothing at all.
    This lesson also applies to shidduchim and
    marriage. We seek shidduchim for the purpose
    of building an everlasting edifice, a Jewish
    home. The foundation of this structure is good
    middos.