06 Jun BEHA’ALOSCHA: LIGHTING THE MENORAH

The Skulener Rebbe
(Noam Eliezer) zt’l
explains the unique
significance of the
Yom Tov of Chanukah
with the following mashal.
A large office tower was
constructed in downtown Manhattan.
Although the structure was complete, the
interiors were completely dark – the electricity
was not yet connected. Until there is light, the
building is incomplete. So too, from Rosh
Hashanah through Simchas Torah, Hashem
recreates the world. But it is the light of
Chanukah that illuminates and completes the
world.
We can say the same about the Mishkan. The
Mishkan was built with gold, silver, and other
precious materials. While it was a splendid
edifice, it was incomplete. Hashem’s holy
light shining into the Mishkan is what
completed it.
The parashah begins (8:2) “Speak to Aharon
and say to him: When you kindle the lamps…
the seven lamps will cast light.” The
menorah’s light represents the light of
kedushah that shone in the Mishkan. This
light completed the Mishkan.
The Midrash (Bamidbar Rabba 15:2) states,
“When people install windows in their homes,
they build them narrowly on the outside and
wide on the inside so that the sunlight should

come into the house. However, when Shlomo
built the Beis HaMikdash, he didn’t form the
windows in this fashion. Inside, the windows
were narrow, and outside, the windows were
wide so that the Beis HaMikdash’s light
should shine outside.” The entire world
received holiness from the light of the Beis
HaMikdash. This light burst forth when the
kohen lit the menorah.
A Jewish home is also a Mishkan, for it is
where the Shechinah resides. The newlywed
couple is excited about their new apartment
and pretty furniture, but these things don’t
make their home complete. They need to
bring in the light of kedushah, and then their
home is complete.
What is this light of kedushah that the couple
should ignite inside their home?
It can be expressed in various ways, but
presently we explain that it is the light of good
middos. Good middos bring the kedushah
they need for their marriage’s success.
Someone asked the Tchebiner Rav zt’l, “My
daughter is in shidduchim. What should we
look for?”
The Tchebiner Rav replied, “Look for three
things: middos, middos, and again, middos.”
The Steipler Gaon zt’l asked someone to
gather information about a certain bachur
suggested for the Steipler’s granddaughter.
The shaliach returned and relayed the
beautiful things he heard about the bachur. He

said, “I heard that he learns eighteen hours a
day. He is a giant talmid chacham.”
“What about middos?” the Steipler asked.
The shaliach didn’t know anything about the
bachur’s middos. He replied, “How could he
possibly have bad middos? He’s always
learning Torah!”
The Steipler replied, “Until now, all he had
to deal with was his shtender. When he

marries, he will have to deal with a wife. You
must find out whether he has good middos.
Without good middos, it is a disaster.”

Reb Moshe Unger zt’l wrote to his father-in-
law, the Divrei Chaim of Tzanz zt’l about a

bachur suggested for his daughter. The Divrei
Chaim responded, “You wrote about the
bachur’s many qualities, but you forgot the
key point. You didn’t write whether he is a
mentch. The Torah (Devarim 22:16) states “ I
gave my daughter to a mentch.”
Rebbe Avraham Elimelech of Karlin zt’l
would say that when you inquire about a
bachur and hear he has good middos,
mark a number 1 in your notebook. Every
other quality you hear about him is a zero.
Place those zeros next to the one, and it
becomes a large, impressive number.
However, if there are many qualities but
good middos are lacking, all you are left
with are many zeros.
Good middos illuminate the marriage.
Just as the windows of the Beis
HaMikdash shone outside the Beis
HaMikdash, a marriage with good middos
will shine kedushah and goodness to all
people around them. They become a
beacon of light, and their ways will
inspire people around them.
Reb Yosef Liberman zt”l writes the
following story in the introduction to his
sefer:
There was a person who made some
excellent business investments after his
wedding and with Hashem’s help, became
very wealthy.
He also had nachas. One of his children
married the child of Reb Shimon Sofer
zt”l. Someone asked him, “How did you
become so successful?
This is what he answered:
“The first Shabbos after my chasunah, I
came to my in-law’s home, and saw that
my
mother-in-law lit her Shabbos lecht in an

earthenware utensil. I asked my father-in-
law why his wife lights in earthenware

candlesticks while he gave me beautiful
silver candlesticks.

“My father-in-law
replied, ‘The silver
candlesticks you now
own were once ours.
We gave it to you
because we promised
it when you were
engaged.’
“And why is your dining room set in such
poor condition?”
“Your dining set was also once ours. I
gave it to you for your dowry.”
“I inquired about some other utensils that
were missing in their home, and the answer
was the same: They gave everything to us
to keep their promise.”
After Shabbos, the son-in-law said to his
wife, “We are giving everything back.” He
couldn’t enjoy what he had, knowing that
his in-laws were suffering because of it. He
returned the dining room set, the laichter,

and everything they received from his in-
laws.

But now, they needed these basic items for
themselves, so he took a loan. With the loan,
he bought everything their home needed, and
invested the remaining money in business. In
the merit of his good deed, the investments
prospered, and within a short time, he paid off
the loan and became wealthy.
Reb Yosef Liberman tells this story to
encourage young people to have their in-laws
in mind. He says, “The children shouldn’t
only give back the laichter, they should give

back their in-law’s heart as well,” because in-
laws sometimes feel that they are giving their

hearts away to marry off their children, and
the children should have compassion and take
this into consideration. Doing so will bring
them success in their life. The man in our
story earned a lot more by returning the items
to his in-laws than if he had held onto them.
Each case is different. A young couple is
starting a new life, and sometimes the help
they receive from their parents is crucial. But
compassion is in place, and the hardships that
the parents go through should be taken into
consideration. This is the light of good
middos, the foundation of a Jewish home.
When a person hires a contractor to build a
house, he plans precisely how many rooms he
wants, how they should be set up, the type of
windows, floor, light fixtures, and so on, but
he doesn’t discuss with the contractor how
strong the foundation should be. This is
because it is obvious and self-understood that
the house needs to be built on sound, firm
foundations. Without good foundations,
nothing can be built.
Reb Eliyahu Lopian zt’l said that this is why
the Torah has 613 mitzvos but doesn’t
explicitly state that we must have good
middos. Good middos are the foundations
which don’t need to be discussed because
without good middos there is nothing at all.
This lesson also applies to shidduchim and
marriage. We seek shidduchim for the purpose
of building an everlasting edifice, a Jewish
home. The foundation of this structure is good
middos.