18 Jun BEHA’ALOTECHA: NOT RESPONDING

At the end of Parashat
Beha’alotecha, the Torah
tells a story about Miriam,
Moshe Rabbenu’s sister,
who made some unkind
remarks about Moshe to their
brother, Aharon. Moshe, due to
his special stature as a prophet, separated
from his wife, and Miriam thought this was
wrong. Hashem instantly punished Miriam
with tzara’at for speaking lashon ha’ra about
Moshe Rabbenu.
In the middle of this story, the Torah
interjects by telling us something about
Moshe: “Moshe was the humblest man on the
face of the earth.”
Why are we told that here, in this
context? How is Moshe Rabbenu’s
unparalleled humility relevant to the story of
Miriam’s lashon ha’ra?
The commentaries explain that the Torah
here is making the point that Moshe was not
bothered at all by Miriam’s remarks. He heard
about what she said, and he did not
respond. He could have very easily told her:
“Are you serious?! Do you not know who I
am? Do you not realize that I spent forty days
in the heavens without eating, receiving the
Torah directly from G-d?! Are you really in a

position to question why I had to do this?” But
he did not respond. He remained silent.
The Rambam writes that this is one of the
things we learn from the story of Miriam. If
she was punished for making comments
which were not especially hurtful, and which
did not bother Moshe Rabbenu at all, then
certainly one must avoid speaking lashon
ha’ra that is truly damaging and can cause
harm to the person spoken about.
Moshe’s silence after Miriam’s lashon
ha’ra provides us with an instructive example
of an important teaching in the Gemara:
Those who are insulted but do not insult,
who hear their shame but do not react, who
act with love and rejoice in suffering – about
them the verse says, “Those who love Him are
like the sun going out in all its force.”
The Gemara here emphasizes the great
power of a person who can remain silent in
the face of an insult. One of the most effective
ways to earn Hashem’s blessings is to master
this most difficult skill – to not respond, to
keep quiet, to prevent an insensitive or hurtful
remark from snowballing into a full-blown
fight.
The Gemara similarly teaches us elsewhere:
“The world exists only in the merit of one

who restrains himself in a time of argument.”
The merit of keeping silent, instead of
turning an insult into a fight, is so powerful
that it could sustain the entire earth.
Why is this quality so powerful? What
makes the merit of remaining silent so unique?
Other mitzvot can be prepared for in
advance. If a person becomes inspired to
begin praying three times a day, he can figure
out how to arrange his schedule and set
reminders for himself to make sure he fulfills
his prayer obligations. This is not easy, of
course, but it something that a person can plan
ahead of time. Likewise, if a person makes the
courageous decision to start being more
careful about Shabbat observance, he can
prepare during the week so that he can
properly observe Shabbat. But the quality
of remaining silent after hearing an insult, is a
spur-of-the-moment decision. It means that
when, out of the blue, somebody says
something hurtful, right there at the heat of
the moment we choose to keep our mouth
closed and not say anything. This is not
something we can prepare for ahead of time. It
requires us to develop our humble character,
learning from Moshe Rabbenu, recognizing
that what others say about us does not deserve
our attention or our anxiety.

Stories abound of people who were in a
situation where they remained silent after
being insulted or embarrassed, and then
experienced great blessing. This is not some
esoteric Kabbalistic concept; it is something
that is stated explicitly in the Gemara, and has
been attested to by many people throughout
the ages. This is a quality that we should all
try to master. If we develop this powerful
skill, then we will save ourselves, our families
and our community so much fighting,
aggravation and unpleasantness, and we will
bring upon ourselves Hashem’s limitless
blessings.