16 Dec BIGGER ISN’T ALWAYS BETTER

At this time of the year,
many American homes
are lit-up in a sea of
brilliantly colored lights.
When our children pass
by these homes they
are likely to comment
enchantingly, “How pretty
they are.” A precocious
child might even dare to challenge us by
asking, “Isn’t this so much more attractive
than our small Chanukah lights?” There are
even many families who, in an attempt to
keep a balance, buy large Happy Chanukah
streamers with electric lights and even put up
shining ‘Maccabee Men’ instead of a glowing
reindeer. While this is a sure proof to the
Rambam’s rule that one is always influenced
by the environment, such behavior might
cause us to miss a wonderful opportunity of
teaching our children a fundamental lesson.
In America, there is a strong tendency to
feel that bigger and brighter is always better.
Upon deeper reflection, many times this is not
the case however. How many parents fritter
away a life savings on an opulent wedding
for their child yet are so busy with the myriad
of planning details that they neglect to spend
any real quality time with their daughter, the
bride? How many people build mansions for
themselves only to find to their chagrin that the
house is so big and the family gets so scattered

that there is no real cozy family-time anymore?
To our sad dismay, we also know that a caftan,
an impressive top hat, and even long beard,
does not always ensure we’re dealing with
an honest man. Neither does an impressive
structure with beautiful architecture and
design, perfect acoustics and seating, ensure
we’re in a pious place of worship. The bottom
line is, as the Tanna teaches us, “Al tistakeil
b’kankan, ela b’ma sh’yeish bah – Don’t look
at the container, but rather at what it contains.”
The great Vilna Gaon, zt”l, zy”a, made
a profound forecast. He said that for the
generation of the ikvasa d’Mishicha, the time
before the coming of Moshiach, the challenge
that will confront us will be shitchion, which
means superficiality, and indeed our generation
is very impressed with the superficial. How
sad it is that many of our young boys and girls
find themselves in poorly matched marriages
because they made their decisions based on
the superficial – whether it was because of
tall-dark-and-handsome, a charming nose and
cheekbone, the Lexus he drove, or the jewelry
she wore.
Just as the Talmud advises us, “Rachmana liba
bau’i,” that Hashem primarily wants from us
our hearts, and that the superficial trappings
of shokkeling during prayer, having a pretty
esrog, and wearing a nice Shabbos suit, are not
the essence of these mitzvahs. Rather, it is our
inner musings to Hashem during prayer, the

workings to perfect our hearts as represented
by the esrog, and the strengthening of our
belief that Hashem created the world and
rested on the Shabbos. These are the main
fulfillments of these mitzvahs.
So too, our small Chanukah lights are powerful
– not because they are big and bright and tower
fifty feet high. Rather, it is because of the
thousands of years of meaning that are behind
them and the inspiration they represent for the
thinking person. So let us use the contrast
between Chanukah and the secular holiday
season as a springboard not to judge a book by
its cover but to look deeply into the real value
underneath the surface and, in general, not to
be complacent with merely competing with
the Joneses for bigger and better, flashier and
brighter, more expensive and more opulent.
Instead, let us remember that the way of Torah
places much more importance and emphasis
on what is in our minds and hearts than what
is on the surface.
The most important thing at a wedding is
not the smorgasbord, not the flowers, not
the photographers, not the gowns, not the
music, nor even which important rabbi got the
blessings. It is the commitment of love and
devotion made between chosson and kallah
and the opportunity of relatives and friends
to cement their bonds and share in the joy of
the family. A Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah is
not the time to be different, to impress, and

certainly not a time to come up with a secular
theme. Rather, these occasions provide us
with opportunities to impress upon our youth
to make a strong start, a proper embarkation
in a career of Torah, mitzvos, tznius, and
kindness. Anything else is a sham and not a
true seudas mitzvah.
May Hashem bless us with the wisdom to see
beneath the surface and beyond the superficial,
and in that merit may we always make the right
decisions, take the right paths, and be blessed
with good health, happiness, and everything
wonderful.