02 Nov BIRCHOS HABANIM

M a n y

have the

custom to

bentch their

children on

Friday night.

Where does

this custom

come from?

Should the blessings be given

before or after coming home

from shul? Should one use one

hand or two hands? How does

a left-handed person bentch

his children? Which child goes

first? What is the accepted

nusach? Is there a problem to

bentch children, as this is usually

reserved for kohanim to bentch

us during birchas kohanim? All

these questions and others will

be discussed in this article.

BENTCHING CHILDREN

When Yaakov wished to bentch

Ephraim and Menashe, he gave

them a beracha while placing one

hand on each one’s head. Rashi

says that when we bentch our

children we use the same nusach.

The custom to bentch children

on Friday night is brought down

in early sources. The custom is to

bless daughters as well.

REASONS

The Yaavetz says that Friday

night is an opportune time

because there is abundance in

the world then, and we present

this abundance to our children.

Maavar Yabek explains that

there is no satan on Shabbos

who could prevent the beracha.

Others say that the father is not

distracted with work, and he can

concentrate on the blessing. Still

others say that the father might

be upset with his child during the

week and make an unpleasant

comment. On Shabbos he wishes

to annul those remarks with the

beracha on Friday night.

WHEN TO DO IT

Some say that one should bentch

the children after davening if

they are present in shul, or in the

house. Others have the custom to

bentch the children after Kiddush

before washing for hamotzi.

ONE OR TWO HANDS

Yaakov Ovinu used one hand

for Ephraim and Menashe in

order to avoid jealousy, as they

were both bentched at the same

time. We bentch our children

individually, and the custom is to

use both hands.

Some are concerned with using

both hands, as this action is

reserved for the kohanim when

bentching Klal Yisroel. Those

who are lenient say that this is

not an issue because everyone

knows that the goal is not to act

like a kohen (see below where we

discuss this idea in greater depth).

LEFT HANDED PERSON

According to the opinion that

one uses one hand, the correct

hand to use is the right hand. A

left-handed person would also

use his right hand. However, as

mentioned above, the custom is

to use two hands.

THE NUSACH

One should say, “Yisimcha

elokim K’ephraim V’chimenashe.”

He can then add additional

blessings if he wishes.

THOSE WHO DO NOT

HAVE THE CUSTOM

There are many people who do

not have the custom to bentch

their children on Friday night.

Some include Skver, Lulov,

Biyala, Spinka, and Karlsburg.

And all the litvaks

OLDER FIRST OR NO

CONCERN

It is not addressed in the poskim

whether or not the older child

should be bentched

first. Some prove from

Yitzchok not to bentch

the younger one before

the older one, but it is

not so simple. Yaakov

wasn’t supposed to get

a bracha at all.

AVEL

One who is an avel

r”l may not bentch his

child during shiva.

BENTCHING A

DAUGHTER

When bentching a daughter,

the custom is to say, “Like Sara,

Rivka, Rochel and Leah.” The

source of custom is obscure, as

we do not mention the Avos

when bentching a son. The

explanation is that logically, we

would bentch our children with

the names of the Avos, as we do

with our daughters. Regarding

sons, the Torah clearly says to use

Ephraim and Menashe.

BENTCHING AND ISSUE TO

BE LIKE A KOHEN

Earlier, we mentioned the fact

that only a kohen may use two

hands to bentch klal yisroel.

Therefore, why is it permitted for

a non-kohen to bentch his child

with two hands? Many answers

are offered:

Some suggest that the

prohibition is because he looks

like a kohen bentching. However,

when a father bentches his son

it is obvious that he is not trying

to imitate a kohen. Others say if

the hands are not spread out like

a kohen there is no issue. The

Darchei Moshe says that there

is only a problem if one blesses

the tzibur with the kohanim;

otherwise there is no concern.

The Bach says that saying the

nusach without a beracha is not

an issue. The Mishnah Berurah

says that if one has no intention

of doing the mitzvah of birchas

kohanim, then there is no

problem.

PLACING YOUR HANDS

LIKE THE KOHANIM

It is stated in the name of the

Zohar that one is not allowed to

form his hands in the manner

in which the kohanim place

them when giving the beracha

to the khal. Some say that it is

permitted if it is not done when

the kohanim do it. Practically

speaking, one should not place

his hands in this fashion except

for learning purposes.

EREV YOM KIPPUR

The widespread custom in Klal

Yisroel is to bentch one’s child on

Erev Yom Kippur. This is done

close to the beginning of Yom

Kippur. When the father bentches

his child it inspires the child to do

teshuva and he enters Yom Kippur

humbled. Some suggest that

Yaakov Ovinu bentched Ephraim

and Menashe on Erev Yom

Kippur and we commemorate

this by bentching our children on

every Erev Yom Kippur.

BENTCHING A SON BEFORE

THE CHUPPAH

The custom is that the father

(and others) bentch the chosson

before the chuppah. Some

maintain that the custom is use

one hand; however this is not the

overwhelming opinion.

POTENTIAL ISSUE WITH

NUSACH

As mentioned above we say

yisimcha elokim for birchos

habanim. The rule is that one may

not recite a fragment of a posuk.

If so, how can we use this nusach

for birchos habanim by starting

in the middle of the posuk?

Some maintain that the

restriction does not apply to

a beracha or tefillah. Others

explain that the Torah clearly

instructs us to use this formula

for the blessing. Therefore, there

is no issue with starting from the

middle of a posuk.