17 Sep Dating and Relationship Advice

Dear Rabbi and Shira,

I feel like It is impossible for me to get married. I do a job that isn’t really exciting, and only do it because I know I need to pay rent and put food on my table. It is not by any means enough to support a family. I feel I have nothing to offer so why would anyone want me . I have no interest in going back to college. I already graduated. I really find it hard to push myself to do anything, and I don’t know why I should try to go out.

-Unmarriagable

Dear Unmarriagable ,

It sounds like you’re having a very hard time. Some perspective can be gained by trying to reframe your situation. Consider what you have accomplished within your personal education. You finished high school & college; that is an achievement in itself . If you don’t like your job now, what skills have you learned that you can incorporate into a new job ? What are your interests? There must be something that interests you.

Some other thoughts to consider. Are you eating and sleeping sufficiently? Are you exercising? Research shows that exercise will boost your serotonin and improve your mood? Are you spending time with friends ? Are you making time for self care and doing things that you enjoy?

If it’s difficult to find motivation to go through the day to day tasks, we strongly recommend you seek psychotherapy.

It is important to remember a persons value is not solely the money that they bring to a relationship. Reflect other positives that are as Citibank would say “are priceless.” You will be’ezras Hashem have moments of companionship, sharing life’s challenges and achievements with your future spouse.

We are sorry you feel you have nothing to offer. We encourage you to reflect, and meditate on the fundamental belief of Judaism that everyone was created for a purpose with their own unique strengths, abilities and mission. Please take time to take care of yourself, and uncover the unique facets of you.