24 Jul DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
Hi, I enjoy your column and am writing to you as I’m about to leave on a trip to Israel. A young married couple, we both haven’t been in Israel for a while.
We both have been anticipating this trip since we planned it, last summer. Recently, some conflict has come up around our itinerary. My wife, wants to go
immediately to the Kotel, and then the “Kotel Katan” underground, followed by a trip to Amuka, to daven for her sister and friend’s shidduchim. She then wants
to return to Yerushalaim, to sleep, and then vasikin at Kevras Rachel. She then plans on going to Tevaria to daven at Rebbe Akiva, the Ramchal and Rambam.
She has picked out a hotel to stay in the north and go to Rashbi in Meiron and then the old cemetery in Tzefas. She wants then to daven at Har Hertzel, to daven
by the Chayalim (like R Shlomo Zalman) and then to the Har Hazeisim, and Har Hamenuchos. She wants to spend most of Shabbos at the Kotel as well, walking
back and forth to the hotel. What should I do? I am not opposed to davening, but was hoping to spend some time with some living people and having some fun
on my trip to Israel?
Dear Rabbi and Shira,
Once I heard my husband was writing, I asked if I could include a part in the email as well. My husband wants to go kayaking, see his family, hike the Jilibrun,
Masada, and then see a bunch of his chavrusas who stayed in Eretz Yisrael. He also wants to eat out in heavy meat places, like Papagaio and the like, shawarma
and then go swim in the separate beach. I haven’t been back since seminary, and would love to reconnect with some of that spirit that I had when I was here.
Why did we go to the holy land, if we’re going to just be on a regular vacation? – Looking for some type of Nechama,

Dear Looking for a Nechama,
Wow. sounds like an exciting trip. It looks like there is a
disconnect in the word “trip to Israel” between the two of you.
Fortunately besides speaking to couples, we’ve run just a few
Taglit (like 10?) birthright trips, and would love to help make
this trip, and the discussion surrounding it an opportunity for
growth, in every direction.
First, the both of you should make a list of what your goals
are in taking this trip. What are you looking to gain? “Mrs.
Looking”- you seem to be wanting to relive your seminary
time. “Mr Looking,” it sounds like you are looking for a
vacation as well. These two priorities do not preclude one from
the other.

Part of your concerns can be that you will not be heard.
They might fear that their physical, emotional, spiritual needs
are not being met and will not be met. The sad part is that
sometimes both parties assume that the other must naturally
intuit what the other needs. Nothing can be further from the
truth. When we don’t share our hopes, our dreams, and our
doubts and fears, no one, save the Ribono Shel Olam will
know what they are. When we discuss whats on our mind, and
what it means to us, it
If you make a list, fully rounding out the specifics and
overarching ideas, as well as why they are important to the
both of you, you will be able to start looking for opportunities
to do everything. When planning each day, think about which

of your goals can be accomplished. Discuss what you can do,
and even what you would be davening for.
Each day can have both spiritual and fun components,
especially when it’s “holy fun.” Another perspective we’ll share
is that Rebbe Nachman said, when I say connecting to Eretz
Yisrael it means the people, and the land, mamish (specifically.)
There is so much to connect to on multiple levels.
We wish you much enjoyment, growth, fufillment and fun
on your trip!

Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack