12 Sep DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Dear Rabbi and Shira,
Hi! I really enjoy reading your column each week and I’m hoping you can help me. I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and a half, and I’m
not sure what to do. While in person we speak well, conversations flow, we laugh and have a great time together, after the date the phone will be
silent, and I will not hear from him for several hours or even a full day. Most of the time, I am the one in the end that has to reach out to him. later.
I feel like he doesn’t miss me or want to hear from me, unless I message him first. What should I do? What does this mean about our relationship?
-Does he miss me
Dear Does He Miss Me,
Everyone has different expectations in
a relationship. There are different ways
that people communicate their needs
based on their experiences and families
of origin. Each person also acclimates to
a relationship differently. Every individual
has his own timeline of when he feels safe
enough to speak about his needs.
It is understandable that it frustrates you
that he doesn’t follow up immediately after
a date and that you are the one that has to
reach out to him.
We believe that it is time for you to open
the doors of conversation and have an
honest discussion. Consider the following
questions. What are his needs and
expectations regarding communication
and dating? What are yours? How often
would you like him to communicate with
you each day for you to feel loved? How
often does he need you to communicate
with him to feel appreciated? What is the
cultural expectation in your circles for a
couple who is dating for a month and a
half? Does he have similar expectations
about dating for a month and a half?
What are your expectations regarding the
various modes of communication? How
do you discuss issues? We must emphasize
that messaging (text,whatsapp, etc) is a
very rudimentary form of communication,
and truthfully better left for requests for
information, and short greetings. It is
not the place for lengthy conversations,
due to inability to hear tone or see facial
We wish you hatzlacha with this new
relationship and hope the two of you can
read the messages well!
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack