10 Oct DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
In high school we were told that when we start dating, never to talk to friends about it for multiple reasons such as it
can cause jealousy or it’s nobody’s business but your own. Sometimes, however, I feel like I need to talk to a friend as
opposed to a parent or shadchan. What is your opinion on this matter? Is it proper to talk about your dates?
-Seeking Friendly Advice

Dear Seeking,
There’s an old adage, that a
secret is something that you tell
one person at a time. In a culture
where after a couple of dates,
the relationship is over or very
serious what’s the point of letting
anyone else know about it? Gossip
can spread like wildfire. For that
matter, the topic of dating is very
stressful, as many people have
long dry spells between dates.
This can lead to thoughts, “Why
is she getting dates, and I’m not?”
“What’s wrong with me?”

There is a difference
between speaking about
dates, and seeking advice.
We would caution you to
be careful about whom
you are asking for advice
as the previous concerns
could still apply. We
would advise you to
make sure that whomever
you are speaking to,
understands that they
should keep your
business private, and has

your best interest in mind. Moreover, we would
also caution you not to seek advice from people
who are not experienced nor knowledgeable in the
field that you are asking about. If you have a friend
that meets the criteria above, we find that it can
be very helpful to seek advice from her as she may
have some great insights If you want to maintain
some privacy you could simply omit the name of
the person you are dating.

Hatzlacha Rabah,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack