31 Oct DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
Hi, thanks for your column. I had the following question. I heard that Rabbi Lebowitz had advised people not to go out to restaurants
during the current crisis in Israel. I really feel that this is appropriate, I spend time glued to my phone checking the latest news. However,
my anniversary is coming up and our relationship really could use a date night, some time to speak to each other without our children
around. Additionally, while my wife feels very much for the situation, she doesn’t see how us not going out helps.
-Libi Bimizrach

Dear Libi,
This is a very important question, and shows a great
deal of sensitivity. On one hand, we are obligated to
feel the pain of the community, and the jewish people
world wide. Is such a degree of luxury permissible if
Jews are in pain?
At the same time we must nuture our relationships
as well. We need to ensure our relationships can
weather these difficult times. Between the traumatic
images and emotional exhaustion, as well as taking
care of our families, and finding opportunities to
help Israel and fight for Jews world wide, we need
to engage in self care too. It’s definitely important to
have a date night, and especially for your anniversary.
Perhaps you can bring food (or if you can, cook

) from a restaurant, and send your kids to friends/
relatives. It will give you the opportunity to talk
and spend some time, without the extravagance of
a fancy restaurant. Another possibility is to do an
activity which isn’t very extravagant, but can afford
you time to speak and connect. Failing that, go to a
restaurant which is not as high quality, spend less on
the food, and try to spend more time on connecting,
and leave your phones at home. You can go to a
classier place when IY”H the situation has been
resolved.
If in fact all of these suggestions won’t work, and
your wife is insisting on an anniversary like all
others, then maybe order one less appetizer. Don’t
make a big deal of it to her, but for you, you’ll
remember that other people are hurting, and the

missing extravagance will make its point.
It could be that your wife is trying to get you to pay
attention to the Klal Yisrael who is in your house. As
important as the situation is, we also cannot neglect
our families, and the only ones who can take care of
them is us…
This is a very sensitive question, in a difficult
time. If we’re missing nuance to the discussion,
please reach out and clarify. We’d love to be of help.
Rabbireuvenandshira@gmail.com.
We should hear good news very soon, with
Hashem’s help,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack