14 Nov DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Hi Rabbi and Shira,
My wife is constantly late to literally everything in her life. She’s had trouble holding employment due to her tardiness.
I’m so sick of being late to every event we go to together because she’s never ready on time. I tell her hours in advance
to get ready but it doesn’t help. I’ve tried to prompt her to get ready and she says she feels like I’m pressuring her. She
even tells me that all her friends are late to everything so it’s fine. I think it’s rude to show up late and shows that you
don’t care enough about the person or place being honored. How can I get my wife to get it together so that we’re not
always hours late to an event? – Late

Dear Late,
We’re sorry to hear about the problems you
are having. Have you discussed this with your
wife when you aren’t feeling pressured to be on
time? Discussion when you’re not in the heat of
the moment can allow for a conversation that is
not rife with conflict. When people are under
pressure, that will raise the level of tension, and
as a result make actual discussion impossible.
Conversations like these are best had when the
both of you are in a good mood.
Another avenue to explore is that these affairs
might be very time consuming on top of a very
busy schedule. She might not have enough time

to attend the gathering on top of completing
all of her other responsibilities in the different
areas of her life. You might offer to help her on
those days with other tasks in order to help her
arrive on time.
Perhaps she doesn’t want to go to these affairs
and is avoiding them. Does she have a connection
to any of these events? What is your connection
to these events? Are all of these events
necessities? Havea discussion with your wife
regarding which events that you both must be
at, versus what is “nice” to be at, and which
ones you don’t have to attend. Additionally you
can discuss if she wants to or needs to attend

at all. You can also discuss how long you wish
to or feel obligated to stay. The more that you
can clarify expectations surrounding them, the
less frustration you will have as you’re trying to
leave.
Finally, it could be that her social circle does
end up coming later to these events. If it is a
separate seating event, it can be boring to show
up and sit with a bunch of strangers until your
friends attend.
We wish you hatzlacha coordinating your
schedules!
– Rabbi Reuven & Shira Boshnack