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    Hi Rabbi and Shira,
    My wife is constantly late to literally everything in her life. She’s had trouble holding employment due to her tardiness.
    I’m so sick of being late to every event we go to together because she’s never ready on time. I tell her hours in advance
    to get ready but it doesn’t help. I’ve tried to prompt her to get ready and she says she feels like I’m pressuring her. She
    even tells me that all her friends are late to everything so it’s fine. I think it’s rude to show up late and shows that you
    don’t care enough about the person or place being honored. How can I get my wife to get it together so that we’re not
    always hours late to an event? – Late

    Dear Late,
    We’re sorry to hear about the problems you
    are having. Have you discussed this with your
    wife when you aren’t feeling pressured to be on
    time? Discussion when you’re not in the heat of
    the moment can allow for a conversation that is
    not rife with conflict. When people are under
    pressure, that will raise the level of tension, and
    as a result make actual discussion impossible.
    Conversations like these are best had when the
    both of you are in a good mood.
    Another avenue to explore is that these affairs
    might be very time consuming on top of a very
    busy schedule. She might not have enough time

    to attend the gathering on top of completing
    all of her other responsibilities in the different
    areas of her life. You might offer to help her on
    those days with other tasks in order to help her
    arrive on time.
    Perhaps she doesn’t want to go to these affairs
    and is avoiding them. Does she have a connection
    to any of these events? What is your connection
    to these events? Are all of these events
    necessities? Havea discussion with your wife
    regarding which events that you both must be
    at, versus what is “nice” to be at, and which
    ones you don’t have to attend. Additionally you
    can discuss if she wants to or needs to attend

    at all. You can also discuss how long you wish
    to or feel obligated to stay. The more that you
    can clarify expectations surrounding them, the
    less frustration you will have as you’re trying to
    Finally, it could be that her social circle does
    end up coming later to these events. If it is a
    separate seating event, it can be boring to show
    up and sit with a bunch of strangers until your
    friends attend.
    We wish you hatzlacha coordinating your
    – Rabbi Reuven & Shira Boshnack